Nakachunkoff's Personal Universe

huh

2011-11-18T14:31:00.001-06:00

i just realized i haven't blogged in a while, would you look at that.

fall in bemidji

2011-10-08T16:57:00.001-05:00

i love the fall, we get to go to bemidji and winterize the "ponderosa" - one of my favorite things!

surreal

2011-10-07T20:07:00.001-05:00

october? 80's? humid? DUST STORM??? wtf?!?!?! where are we, mars?

jeebus...

huh, ludwig works too

2011-10-06T13:36:00.001-05:00

i'm at work and struggling with logging, regular expressions, and exception handling in java programs. i thought of jumpstarting my brain by listening to some beethoven (i've always been a bigger fan of him over amadeus) and am amazed at how everything seems to makes so much more sense!

true, it may be due in part to draining out my co-workers to aid in focusing but, instead, i'm going to sing the praises of beethoven.

freude, schoener goetterfunken!

RIP

2011-10-05T22:28:00.001-05:00

RIP steve, thanks for all you did.

pocket play

2011-10-04T19:48:00.000-05:00

got a pocket-sized copy of the US constitution from the ACLU in the mail today... i wonder what neo-con GOP friend(s) i should lend it to?

oh hell, who am i kidding... they don't need a copy, they all have it memorized already.

my favorite text of the day

2011-09-25T09:44:00.001-05:00

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy anniversary to you both--
Happy birthday to just you!

friday ramblings

2011-09-23T09:12:00.001-05:00

- pumpkin pie pop tarts kick serious ass. the pastry actually tastes and flakes like pie crust; the filling is the taste and consistency of pumpkin pie filling; and the super-cute fall-inspired-and-colored frosting and sprinkles are reminiscent of whipped cream... i'm in love (sorry my love)

- speaking of fall-inspired, HAPPY FALL! finally, i'm a step closer to my favorite season: snow

- my birthday is in two days, i'll be the same age jesus was when he kicked-it. i've unofficially decided not to celebrate this year because every year i find i care less about birthdays and more about the fancy dinners i get to have on them w/ my hubbie (there, i made it up to you, hun)

- i'm considering an "i lived longer than jesus" party, though, when easter comes along. not to rub it into jesus' face or anything but, let's face it, chances are definitely in my favor that i'll be living longer than he did

- http://www.drawastickman.com/

early rainbow

2011-09-20T11:13:00.001-05:00

no, your eyes aren't messing with you... that is a rainbow in downtown saint paul at SEVEN O'CLOCK in the morning! the sun wasn't even over the horizon yet! i felt quite lucky to have caught it, it didn't last long =) a good way to start today.

oh... you're one of them

2011-09-19T08:06:00.000-05:00

i just got pulled into a discussion at work that ended in the imfamous "oh, you live in an APARTMENT" line.

i guess there's still a stigma around 30-somethings who choose to save their money and decrease their carbon footprint by living urban.

i guess i shouldn't be surprised tho, these are the same people who occasionally still ask when john and i are going to have kids. when will they learn that we're never going to fit into their moulds???

[almost] ICE!

2011-09-15T09:24:00.001-05:00

the temp was a mere 38 this morning on my walk into work and tomorrow should be around the same. i am LOVING this mid-september chill and can't wait till next week when i can, once again, celebrate the return of the fall and my favorite half of the year - the LAST half! HOLLA!

bring on mabon, fools!

fortune cookie

2011-09-14T09:14:00.001-05:00

they other day my fortune cookie said, "the secret to a happy life is not doing what you love but loving what you do."

i couldn't disagree more.

"doing what you love" puts you in the center of your domain of control, giving you the ability to decide what you are doing based off of what you love. to do what you love means you've taken an active role in your life by admitting that you are the only person who controls what you do (mental stability assumed) and therefore you'll do what you like, dammit.

"loving what you do" puts you in a passive and, thusly, inactive role in your life. to say you "love what you do" makes it sound like you happened to wake up one morning and conveniently decide that what you're doing is satisfactory for your life.

true... loving what you do will occur naturally if you do what you love but it can't be said in the reverse... you won't necessarily love what you do if you're not doing what you love. this cookie is disturbing me on several levels.

fall

2011-09-12T12:54:00.001-05:00

fall is finally on the way... while dropping the hubbie off at the airport for a business trip i couldn't help but notice that the leaves are starting to turn and are already starting to fall - FINALLY! it's been a long summer with too much sun and too much heat (e.g., it's 90+ right now... WTF!?!?!).

do you think if i were to start picking leaves off of the trees they'd get the hint and start dropping them on their own???

sneaky little bastards

2011-09-09T07:40:00.000-05:00

so the sneaky little bastards at work did an update to our instant messaging software over night so it no longer allows people to create/import their own custom emoticons. true, they've gotten a little out of hand (belly dancers, hula-hoopers, tea bags, dancing hippos, a box of summer's eve (reserved for douche bags)) but really???

oh company-who-doesn't-like-to-be-named-in-social-media... you've done it again.

*snapping on the handcuffs*

who are YOU???

2011-09-08T13:14:00.001-05:00

i'm a grain belt, menards, costco, target, dunn bros kind of guy... now where's that broken lamp?

http://bit.ly/qYA3Ng

the highlight of my day

2011-09-07T18:16:00.001-05:00

today's highlight: roseanne barr calling me a "hookr" =)

twitter

2011-09-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

for more frequent updates, i dare you to follow me on twitter @Nakachunkoff.

holla!

quote

2011-03-25T15:09:00.001-05:00

another amazing quote found on CNN.com in the comments on an article about a man who converted from christianity to islam:

"Atheism/Humansim is not a religion... It is a personal relationship with reality."

dancing in the precipitation

2011-03-22T07:56:00.001-05:00

woke up this morning to rain, dark, and a chill in the air - a day made for me! it's days like this that i'm glad i live AND work downtown because i get to walk to work in the rain with my umbrella; that rarely-used accessory that adds an element of romanticism and fun to any person's day. there's nothing i love more than rainy days because no matter how i'm feeling when i wake up or seconds before i walk out the door, it never fails that the moment i see the rain i feel like a new person with an energy level that matches that of any crazy person who loves the sunshine in the middle of summer (crazy people). i mean, seriously, what's more warm, cozy, and full of childlike fun than a good rain!?!?!?

the only bad thing is the new work shoes i bought (to keep my feet dry because the others weren't so successful at that) did indeed leak this morning so my precipitation-happy-dance was clouded-over by a wet sock on my right foot. oh well, something i can take through my day as a reminder of my walk in = )

RIP don quixote

2011-03-21T13:29:00.001-05:00

last saturday afternoon i mourned the passing of a dear friend i had been intimately close with for 982 pages. while i found myself wishing for his swifter demise around page 500 i was more than just surprised when i chocked-up while reading his last words and the words of his closest friends/family on page 980. i found the writing style of cervantes to be more than a simple rumination on the life of this most famous knight errant, it was more like an ongoing newspaper column than that of a large novel; thusly, on his unexpected passing, i felt like i had lost what had become one of my favorite pastimes: catching up on don quixote and sancho's crazy goings-on.

may you rest in peace alonso quixano - i look forward to the future when i pick up your crazy antics again and relive our [almost 1000 pages of incredibly fun and thought provoking] adventures.

what should stay in vegas?

2011-03-03T11:03:00.001-06:00

there's a fine line between "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" and "what the hell should stay in vegas?"

i can't hide that i bought a tiny 2.5g gold bar from the gold-to-go ATM at the golden nugget.

i can't hide that i spend WAY too much time shopping and buying impulse items.

i can't hide that i caved and bought not one but TWO fabergé imperial egg ornaments.

i can't hide that we went to a kick-ASS show on the last evening ("diva's las vegas" - i'd recommend it to everyone, the BEST drag show you'll see in a long time if not ever)

i guess i could try to hide the fact that we visited all SIX fat tuesday's slushy bars (and the seventh "unofficial" one in new york new york).

i guess i could try to hide the fact that we visited a couple fat tuesday's more than once.

i guess i could hide that we went rented a car and had a fantastic day at hoover dam, lake mead national recreational area, and valley of fire state park.

and i guess i could fail to mention the details of that day... hmmm... maybe i will leave that day in vegas = )

spilled coffee

2011-02-21T10:18:00.001-06:00

i used to think nothing good could come out of spilling coffee at my desk at work until i just did it two minutes ago and realized that, 1) my desk will now smell like fresh-brewed coffee for the rest of the day and 2) the DMZ between my keyboard and monitor finally got dusted.

i should spill coffee more often.

frustrating

2011-02-21T08:44:00.001-06:00

the mcdonald's mcskillet burrito i got this morning for breakfast only had eggs and sausage in it. i thought it seemed odd that the breakfast burrito that was supposed to have everything was so sparse. i went to the big m's site and confirmed it was supposed to have "fluffy scrambled eggs, yummy potato-vegetable blend, savory sausage, two types of cheese and our delicious Salsa Roja made with fire-roasted tomatoes. All the things you want, wrapped in a tortilla." i thought about going down to complain but i had already finished the burrito and proving my point would have required up-chucking my breakfast. considering it wasn't that fantastic going down i figured it wouldn't be any more fantastic coming back up.

oh well, i guess that's what i get when i order breakfast from a chain restaurant, on a national holiday, the day after a snowstorm dropped 15" on us, in a downtown area that STILL hasn't been plowed.

new favorite quote

2011-02-16T10:02:00.001-06:00

from the t-shirt of a san francisco prop 8 protester:

"if your marriage needs protecting you need a therapist, not an amendment"

too deep for a friday morning

2011-02-11T08:11:00.001-06:00

lately, i've become increasingly disillusioned by random acts of kindness by focusing more on being skeptical of the person's altruism rather than the kindness itself.

if you would have asked me ten years ago i would have said i believed in the inherent goodness of mankind, but at age 32, with 120 years of life experience, my hopes for the future of humanity are swiftly decreasing to mere piles of dust.

if on my walk into work i almost get run over by two cars that are too impatient to let a pedestrian cross the street [legally, on a walk signal], how am i to feel when a random stranger wants to open a door for me? i look into the stranger's eyes and don't see kindness but, rather, see a desire to be acknowledged and praised for their generosity.

i think i'd rather not hold open a door for a stranger than open it for them and risk my motives not being true and i think i'd rather be looked at as not being kind (by others) than know that i'm being insincere (by myself).

WHAT!?!?!?!?

2011-01-27T09:17:00.001-06:00

people of securian, hear my words and heed my knowledge: noise-cancelling ear buds are also PEOPLE-cancelling ear buds.

if you see ear buds delicately snuggled in my ears, please don't talk to me until you have first received my fullest of attention. if this does not occur first, i WILL turn around and very slowly remove said ear buds and patronizingly ask you to repeat yourself in order to teach you a valuable-but-most-likely-not-to-be-retained lesson.

yes, i know i can be a real ass sometimes.

finally catching up...

2011-01-24T07:35:00.001-06:00

last night john and i started to finally catch up with the rest of the world as we started watching glee. getting sick of everyone telling us how wonderful it was and not being able to carry on conversations with friends and co-workers, we asked for it for xmas and lo, jesus claus tipped his soft white bunny ear our way and blessed us with the first season on DVD.

last night signalled the beginning of a new era and aptly so, we entered it in fits of giggles over sue, gushed with junior high lust over will and puck, and gleamed through every single musical number.

i may never be on facebook, but i'll at least be full of glee = )

conflicting messages and burned-in memories

2011-01-23T11:11:00.001-06:00

my father told me once that he believed that all people should have the right to live their lives as they see fit, regardless of whether it conflicts with his conservative beliefs.

less than a minute later in the conversation he said that given his previous statement, if he was given the ability to vote on certain hot-button issues he wouldn't skip a beat to vote against same-sex couples being able to marry or to make abortion illegal.

i [believe it or not, respectfully] questioned him, saying that his messages conflicted; if he truly believed that people should have the right to live their lives as they see fit then he wouldn't vote in favor of forcing those same people to conform to his beliefs.

i remember this next part very clearly - it is burned in my mind forever.

my father's response was completely opposite of the tone of the conversation up to that point. in the middle of this for-the-most-part-civil conversation, my father shot back a response with vehement anger and defense as he said, "don't you DARE you ask me to do something [vote] against what i know to be right!"

it wasn't much later in the conversation that my father blew up again and stomped away from the table we were sitting at in the middle of a restaurant in omaha.

i'll never forget that night. as angry as i was at the end of the evening, i cant help but feel sorry for my father - it mustn't be a terribly happy life if one is constantly living with conflicting beliefs that divide one between their invisible best friend with a 2,000 year old user's guide and your flesh-and-blood who is, for all intents and purposes, sitting in front of you living a successful, happy, fulfilling, and ethical life, void of any visible divine retribution from his supposed "sin."

rant #2

2011-01-20T21:23:00.001-06:00

i'm tired of people saying that people who drink decaf coffee aren't drinking "real" coffee or that they aren't "real" coffee drinkers.

i beg to differ. as a matter of fact, i think decaf drinkers are the most sincere and wholly-dedicated of all coffee drinkers! think about it for a sec: how many people do you know refere to coffee as their "caffeine fix" or their "pick me up?" NOW... how many decaf drinkers say that... uh, NONE. why? because they drink coffee for something other than the caffeine or the rush, they drink it because they enjoy the flavor.

now, can you say that about every single "regular" coffee drinker?

yeah... gotcha thinking, huh?

thus ends the second rant. you may be seated.

thursday rant #1

2011-01-20T09:48:00.000-06:00

food days at work are meant to be times of celebration for a person's achievements and/or ability to push through life/work yet one more year. BUT, if the intended celebrant isn't able to be around to celebrate (e.g., they're teaching) or if 1/2 the team isn't going to eat because they're "going to be good and not eat snacks" then what's the point???

thus ends today's first rant.

quote of the day

2011-01-04T08:04:00.001-06:00

the quote of the day comes from the comments section in a startribune editorial on reducing the deficit:

"I have finally (after 67 years) come to the realization that the only difference between the Republicans and Democrats is that the Democrats "tax and spend" while the Republicans "just spend"."

the adventures of baron nechodomu

2011-01-03T13:37:00.001-06:00

whew, i'm finally back to semi-normalcy after being away from work (i.e., reality) for over two weeks. the first week was spent on our xmas cruise (costa maya, mexico; belize city, belize; cozumel, mexico; georgetown, grand cayman) and the second week in the everglades, key largo, and at home veggin' and cleanin' (the cleaning was john's idea, not mine).

what a wonderful time, though, to be far FAR away from family on one of the most family-oriented of holidays! no offense to my family, but they're CRAZY and nothing was more of a welcome paradigm shift than to wake up on xmas eve morning on a ship in the middle of the caribbean with breakfast in bed w/ bloodies & mimosas, scrambled eggs w/ smoked salmon and caviar, and cinnamon french toast. later in the day we shopped on grand cayman and then had a beautiful formal dinner in the main dining room of the ship (see pics). xmas day we gorged for breakfast and then laid on the top deck of the ship in full-sun 80 degree weather. it was our first time, ever, that either john or i had spent xmas away from the midwest... a bit of an adjustment but one i think we could probably handle again in the future = ) (btw, i DID bring along a string of lights with which to decorate our room = ).

and now back at work being a productive member of society. lol, like i'll ever be that...

here are our PICS!!!

@ the famous south beach

2010-12-26T20:10:00.001-06:00

@ the famous south beach gay bar, palace!

mohitos and cigars @ an

2010-12-17T19:07:00.000-06:00

mohitos and cigars @ an outdoor cafe in south beach... does it get any better?

eek! i'm in the land

2010-12-17T12:03:00.001-06:00

eek! i'm in the land of the golden girls - no better way to start the holidays = )

plate #4

2010-12-15T12:51:00.001-06:00

plate #4, "the lunch plate" - 9th floor

black/green/kalamata olive chips with garlic and olive oil (super yummy)
two more meringue cookies (so far my favorite today)
a chocolate dipped marshmallow
cinnamon sugar apple bread
and a single tiny cherry tomato

i may be getting full...

plate #3

2010-12-15T11:01:00.001-06:00

plate #3 from floors 8 and 10

"scoops" tortilla chips
cheese popcorn
some cookie thing
chocolate fountain! but nothing to dip

i must say that the eighth floor wins the "dud award" so far for goodie day. why? they have very little food, no variety between sweet and salty, and a chocolate fountain with nothing to dip in it... oh, and the fountain is half way across the floor from the actual food room - bad planning eighth floor, bad planning.

plate #2

2010-12-15T09:34:00.001-06:00

plate #2 from floors 9 and 10:

pecan pie bar
red and green gummy rings (i think they're lime and cherry)
another meringue cookie
peanut butter cup cookie
peanut brittle
ham/pickle dip and chips
two spritz cookies

all IS goodie day - plate #1

2010-12-15T08:00:00.000-06:00

the IS department at my company (which i'm asked not to mention online per company "social media" guidelines) has a food day every year in december. imagine 450 people bringing in food to six different conference rooms for an entire day - it's overindulgent madness to a level that could only be found around the ever-so-christ-like holiday season.

but i digress...

it's barely 8:00 am and i've already consumed several pieces of hard candy, three or four pickle rolls, a meringue cookie, a caramel dipped marshmallow, some raspberry cookie thing, and a deviled egg. plate number one down, about four more to go.

backlogged

2010-12-14T09:40:00.001-06:00

uf-dah

just got back from a weekend w/ the folks down in nebraska and braved snow-mageddon on the way home. the twin cities got about 20" of snow last weekend and the city is still at a standstill. public schools are closed for the second day in a row and traffic is gridlocked. walking to work is even a difficult task trying to navigate which sidewalks have been plowed, which ones require a hike over a five foot tall mountain of plowed snow, and which ones have black ice on them. life is tough, i think i'll go on a cruise!

three days till miami and five till the sunny caribbean! i hope to run into orlando bloom on the black pearl while we're cruisin around the caribbean... maybe he'll even force me to walk his plank *smirk*

annual christmas rant

2010-12-06T10:02:00.001-06:00

it's time again for my annual foray against all things christmas!

this year's rant begins at the polls where some 75% of people in the US say they identify as christian. i find this number perplexing as i certainly do not see 75% of the people around me acting like they're christians... especially during their favorite [usurped] time of year: christmas.

according to christian's christmas songs, this is the season of peace on earth, goodwill toward men (i'm assuming they allow goodwill toward women now, too), that jesus is the reason for the season, and that in the midst of darkness there will be shining a new light. yet i continue to see nothing but stress, frustration, disorder, anger, and underhanded attempts at childish stealing and line budging. i hate to say, but i've been to several different malls for the requisite holiday shopping since thanksgiving and i've been cut off in traffic on the way there, cut off while walking through the mall, pushed aside in the aisles of stores, ignored when i help someone out with something, cut off while waiting in line to purchase items, and in general, haven't seen one adult actually smile. based on the belief system of christianity and the number of people who claim they're christians, i have no choice but to conclude that i have been shopping at the malls where only non-christians shop.

if christians were living their bible/religion/holiday as they say they were, then i should be seeing smiles, less anger, more happiness, and at least SOME generosity during this time of year. but every year, i see less and less of their "reason" and more and more of their "season."

sit on my lap

2010-11-30T13:05:00.001-06:00

i thought i was passing by santa on the street on the way into work this morning until we met eyes and i did NOT see candy canes and gingerbread men in the returned sparkle but, rather, saw a plump old man with a beard that looked more like a leather daddy than a jolly ol' elf.

*shrug*

i shouldn't be surprised, guess i always figured santa to be a kinky old man...

giving thanks

2010-11-27T12:05:00.000-06:00

i like thanksgiving a lot, well, at least i used to. nah, i take it back, i still do, i just find myself getting more discouraged with it every year as it becomes the holiday that simply begins the holiday season (christmas season, to be exact, since most people like to reject the fact that there are several other holidays celebrated in the next six weeks).

i like thanksgiving because it's not a religious holiday, besides the fact that people typically say a prayer of thanks before their meal. i like it because it's not as commercialized, besides on the food network. and i like it because it brings loved ones together for the sole purpose of appreciating what they have in life and in each other rather than what's under the tree.

both john and i missed thanksgiving with our families this year since we both worked the day after and a trip to omaha or bemidji just wasn't logical. we're also going to miss spending christmas with our families this year because we'll be on a caribbean cruise. taking those two in mind, i have to say that the holiday i will miss the families the most on will be thanksgiving and not christmas. mainly because i like to be thankful for my family and for my family-in-law without the overshadowing cloud of "jesus was born to die" bullshit that, itself, overshadows the original celebrations of the holiday by jews and pagans. i like the traditional meal and i like the colors.

don't get me wrong, though, i LOVE the yule season - hell, our place is already decked-out with greens, but when it comes down to it, i appreciate thanksgiving because of it's modern purity. i guess it's lucky to still be as pure as it is because of it's placement so close to the most commercialized holiday this planet has ever seen.

so with that i give thanks, for love, for family, for inner-peace, for friends, for snow and ice, for my husband and our life together, for a secure job, for a comfortable life, and for a holiday that is positioned so perfectly so as to force us to stop and be thankful before we begin to obsessively think about how to make others thankful.

why i'm not on facebook

2010-11-22T20:19:00.001-06:00

the $64,000 question: why the hell am i not on facebook?

well, it started off as simply my way of saying, "fuck you" to social networking; i didn't want to be one of the millions who joined just because everyone else did. this is a habit of mine in life: if everyone loves something then i'm less likely to see/do/drink/smoke/read/buy/lick/love it. it's a silly thing, i know, but it's a part of who i am so i just don't fight it.

but then, over the years, i started seeing friends trickle away from my life one-by-one. they stopped emailing me, stopped texting me, and i didn't received invites to parties anymore. all-in-all, i started losing friends and i had no idea why. it wasn't till i started having people ask why i wasn't at a party or at the bar or at a movie did i realize it was because those friends had swapped physical and traditional contact with other humans for the face-less social network called facebook.

it was also around this time that i started noticing that when people ran into each other after not seeing each other for weeks/months/years, the first comment out of their mouths were, "are you on facebook?" not, "how ARE you!?!?!" or "what have you been up to!?!?!?" or "let's get together!!!" but, rather, "are you on facebook?" for some, this was out of the mouths before the other person had a chance to fart. most commonly, these conversations ended abruptly as the other person ran off to their more important task at hand.

what happened to the days of standing around in the condom aisle at target to catch up with that extra-special person you just ran into with whom a condom broke seven years ago? laughing at the irony of running into them and wondering if you could give it another try for old times sake?

what happened to having conversations at parties that didn't revolve, almost entirely, around what so-n-so said on facebook the other day or how funny their status was or where they went to happy hour?

what happened to seeing some hot thing at the mall, sneaking into the nearest changing room, and getting it on - or sitting in the mall food court to laugh at people walking by. now, people just flirt online (sometimes without even hooking up - what a waste) or they just spend hours on facebook looking at other people's pics, and then their friend's pics, and then their friend's friend's pics?

my husband just joined facebook a few weeks ago - he has caught up with some old friends and connected with existing ones, but i keep asking him - how deep are the actual conversations, if you can call them that at all? sure, i over-the-shoulder facebook occasionally but i get sick of it and wander off within minutes.

my only question is, if you have 500 friends on facebook, how many of them are actual friends? does knowing when someone went to target or the bathroom or to bed substantiate "friendship?"

green with envy

2010-11-21T13:28:00.002-06:00

our season ticket package to the minnesota orchestra brought us to a most amazing evening with idina menzel on friday night. we had perfect eighth-row center seats that granted us an intimate look at her gorgeous floor-length purple gown with a broach on the waist (accompanied by a dry cleaning pin that she futzed with the entire evening as it jabbed her side like a sword - i guess she knows how jebus felt now). she also did the entire concert barefoot which left the concert feel even more intimate, almost like you were lounging in her living room with while she sang some tunes for you... with a full orchestra behind her.

she sang a diverse repertoire that highlited her days in rent and wicked as well as poker face from her recent stint on glee. i loved that she had such an amazing mix of generational love in the room from the gen x'ers (rent) to the gen y'ers (wicked) and the millennials (glee). each group got their ear-full of wonderful memories and more than their share of misty eyes - of course, though, the gen x'ers were the luckiest out of the bunch being able to fully appreciate her talent in all ranges of her career.

perhaps the most unexpected part of the evening was her gut-wrenching humor. she told stories that made you want to shit your pants you were laughing so hard and her interaction with the sign language interpreter was priceless; complaining that the word 'bitch' deserved a better sign and wondering how he was going to sign 'breast feeding' and 'muffin' (yes, THAT kind of muffin).

there are lots of videos popping-up online of the performance, some good and some bad (none with as good of seats as we had) but they're a pretty good recap of the wonderful experience.

oh, and yes, she ended the concert, appropriately, with defying gravity = )

married bliss

2010-11-18T08:16:00.001-06:00

so, on to the "legally-married fag" part...

almost four years ago, now, i went to my apartment building's holiday party and got trashed beyond belief. while there, some cute little thing, dressed all in black, swept past me and stole my heart - we married fifteen minutes later at city hall.

okay, not really - lol. there WAS a party, and there WAS a man in black, and he WAS cute (is STILL cute...), and he DID sweep past me and my friend troy as we were drinking to the holidays - but he didn't steal my heart at that moment, as a matter of fact, all i really wanted to do at the moment was make out with him because he was so cute = ) i got my wish by the end of the night but didn't get to get much closer to him because my friend troy swept in, himself, and stole him for himself with his greedy little hands.

which, of course, didn't work because - duh - he was meant for ME!

fast forward almost a year after meeting this beautiful and fun man, john, and he and i decide to finally start dating; and then move in with each other nine months later; and then at a most unexpected moment in the middle of a friend's wedding reception, he leaned over and said, "will you marry me?" i believe my response was something along the lines of, "huh?" he repeated the question and i said, "for real?" and he said, "yeah, let's go to california and get married!" (note - california still had legal same-sex marriage in 2008 before the nazi morman fucks stuck their pretentious noses in another state's business and scared the voters into overturning a perfectly harmless law). we ran off to cali the last week of september, 2008 with four friends and got married!!! for your voyeurs out there, here are pics of the wedding taken by our incredibly talented friend, ben = )

the rest is history! we just had our 4/3/2 anniversary on 25 september (4 years knowing each other, 3 years dating, and 2 years married) and things just keep getting better and better. i guess i never really saw myself as the type to "settle down" but i have to say, i think i've settled into it quite well - life is good = )

next installment: why the hell am i STILL not on facebook?

honesty, my biggest fault

2010-11-16T08:34:00.001-06:00

i don't know when it started or why it started, but i have a tendency to be an open book with friends, family, and co-workers. most recently (this morning), i was getting up from my desk to go to the bathroom when a co-worker said, "stop! where are you going?" to which i replied, "i'm going to go poop!"

*shrug*

i guess bodily functions just don't phase me...

sunday recap

2010-11-15T10:35:00.000-06:00

well, we didn't end up getting drunk by 3pm = ( we started drinking at 1pm but went so slowly that we really didn't feel anything till 4-ish. but by then we were starting to get tired so we went from tipsy to tired... i just can't drink like i used to, getting old sucks.

thought of the day: how does an adult male working in a fairly large company in a large metro area manage to smear his own crap on a toilet seat?

i leave you to discuss...

may i introduce you

2010-11-14T17:53:00.000-06:00

i'd like you all to meet my husband:

me: i really like our new laundry detergent.

john: really? why?

me: because it smells so good!

john: yeah, but is that because it has more chemicals in it?

me: no, it's biodegradable.

john: my shit is biodegradable, too, but it sure as hell doesn't smell good...

what can i say? i married my best friend = )

yep... your eyes aren't messing with you

2010-11-14T12:00:00.002-06:00

i've made the official decision to start blogging again, why? because i have too much to say and not enough people to say it to = )

i got my master's degree, i got married, i went on another trip to europe, i had my 10-year anniversary at my company, i started teaching college classes on the side, and i'm STILL not on facebook - what can i say, it's been too long since i've blogged!

my pic-hosting site went under (dip-shits) so i've revampped my blog's face - enjoy!

i'm off to start making some bread and sit around home on a snowy november sunday. my husband (WAY more on that to come) and i have made the very-adult decision to be drunk by 3pm, take a nap, and then get drunk again... life is good = )

off to the bread and then more postings - i've missed this - yay!!!

oh... paris...

2007-06-18T10:40:00.000-05:00

what a week. what. a. week.

where to start? really, i have no idea. maybe this is a good start:

this was the view from my hotel room balcony... yeah, can someone say wake me fuckin' up, am i dreaming???

the rest of the week was amazing. beautiful. content. lovely. relaxing. eye-opening. and oh. so. wonderful.

a couple other pics (eiffel tower and notre dame)... oh, and as you can see (he he) i've buzzed my head. lol. parisians told me that i look like justin timberlake... not bad, i guess! = )

more to come, i promise... i'm still getting myself used to being home.

*sigh* paris...

bon voyage!

2007-06-09T12:41:00.001-05:00

i'm leaving in 90 MINUTES FOR PARIS!!!!! my official research topic is "the impact that religion and spirituality have had on hrd (human resource development) in paris.

fuck yeah, i am SO excited i can hardly contain myself!

i leave today and will be back in one week (16 june).

look for stories when i get back!

*hug*

best quote from this weekend

2007-05-29T13:54:00.000-05:00

[sitting next to a friend at a bbq]

friend - i am SO drunk...

me - do you need a ride home?

friend - nah, my car is right out there...

living the dream

2007-05-12T09:17:00.000-05:00

tom's farmer's market catch this morning:

onions
garlic chives
chicken
asparagus
soap

and now i'm making my first pot of home-roasted coffee!!! i roasted it yesterday after i got home from work. it's an ethiopian city-full city roast (i'll know better which i roasted to when i drink it). it's had its 12 hours to cure and vent and now *fingers crossed* i'm ready to drink!

lol - and "come sail away" by styx just came up on my itunes, it's a great sun-shiny 54 degree morning here in saint paul.

the backside blues

2007-05-08T15:35:00.001-05:00

ask any of my friends or family and they'll tell you about my faulty "backside attraction" gene. you see, i frequently think a guy is hot simply by the way he looks from behind... ass, head, shoulders, jeans, hair, etc... the only problem is that 100% of the time when i say someone is cute from behind they are always (really... ALWAYS) quite the opposite when they turn around. it's gotten so predictable that whenever i say someone is cute from behind, whoever is with me usually states "yeah... they're ugly."

so yesterday i was running (yeah, i know! running! ME!) and i came up behind two guys walking, one of which i thought was for sure to be a candidate for "future husband" because he looked SO hot from behind. but then the better side of me kicked in and i realized that he'd be nothing short of a dawg once i passed him. instead of running up behind them and getting a glance i decided to take the fork in the road and head toward the bubblers (which were off... WTF?!?!). as i got to the [off] bubblers, i turned around just in time to see a stunningly gorgeous man staring back at me.

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

FINALLY when i take a lesson from my friends and learn to accept my flaws end up missing a beauty of a man who not only looks great from behing but ALSO looks HOT from the front.... and was staring at me.

*sigh* i'm going to go cry now...

bibles, bitching, boobs, and beef (well, actually chicken)

2007-05-04T09:07:00.000-05:00

bibles - my sister's college graduation is today. she has to walk down the aisle with a bible *GAG* a freaking BIBLE? is this first communion? jesus... anyway. sister-v is as grossed-out about this as i am... i believe she's going to walk down, instead, with the ba'hai book of prayer (take THAT thumpers).

bitching - minnesota legislature just turned down the opportunity to show themselves as accepting, loving, and caring humans who care about other humans. outright turning down health benefits to state employees is a terribly sad moment in our state's history. what's even worse is when the dumb-fuck governor boldly states that he'll veto any bill that grants same-sex benefits. really people... get over it, we're human just like you. we want to be happy just like you. we want to love just like you. we want to be physically healthy and alive just like you. you're no better than i am...

boobs - hmmm... nothing on the boob front. i think i put it in the post because it was another 'b' word.

beef (well, actually chicken) - my lovely vegetarian [non]wife and i got caught on camera at the saint paul farmer's market last weekend. apparently we had an appearance on the news and everything. so where was my vegetarian [non]wife and i caught looking at? meat. how appropriate... she doesn't eat it and i can't get enough.

happy may day weekend = )

equality!!!

2007-04-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

WOO HOO!!!!!

for full list of accepted graphics see here.

oh, roman...

2007-04-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

step aside jason lee, i have a new boyfriend...

roman abramovich: gorgeous russian, world's sexiest billionaire, and mine... aaaalllll mine.

it's actually not his money that i'm attracted to (though it's not a bad thing either), it's his 24/7 5 o'clock shadow and that really sexy spot of white hair on the left side of his chin. *shiver*

i think i'm going to take up soccer and russian.

hockey hair

2007-04-17T19:26:00.000-05:00

hockey hair is cool. it's sexy, fun, wavy, soft, AWESOME to run your fingers through, and just plain ol' neato. that's why i'm going for it.

yeah... me. i don't know why (i never try to fake like i do).

what inspired me to paint my nails black with my sister a few weeks ago?

what made me crazy enough to pierce my dick three separate times in three separate places?

what causes me to love tattoos? (i'm waiting for a friend to figure out what she wants then we're going and i'll be getting my fourth).

why do i wear my shit-kickin' boots to work?

why do i laugh at "dead baby" jokes, cry at poop jokes, and plain ol' lose it at boob jokes?

why do i cease all beard trimming for months at a time?

why do i LUST AFTER pabst blue ribbon beer in 16oz cans?

what IS it that makes me go absolutely cuckoo-bananas at the mere thought of jason lee?

why do i actually believe that self improvement is masturbation?

why am i a full-time working adult AND a full-time grad school student at the same time?

why do i practically get a hard-on thinking about nasal irrigation?

why do i detest cats but love my pussy?

why do sexual innuendos still make me giggle like a 4th grader?

why do i have a picture of my mechanic on my desktop?

why, Why, WHY???

*shrug*

i guess it's because it's all so fun. lol - so freakin' fun!

just another day?

2007-04-08T15:57:00.000-05:00

this is the first time in 28 years that i have not ridden the paschal rollercoaster.

the rollercoaster ride starts during advent when the car slowly creeps toward an apex that can only end in a glorious celebration of the birth of the christ child. after a few weeks/months in ecstasy the car plunges into the depths of despair on ash wednesday when christians around the world begin 40 days of constant reminding of their general unworthiness, inability to be “saved”, and despair over not being able to be in the light of the universe all on account of being human. one would think this despair would end on the most holy of sundays, easter but no, easter does nothing more than give christians one more excuse to fall at the feet of the “throne of grace” to grovel as, once again, unworthy human scum.

do you realize that when calculating the lenten season in a person’s live that a christian adult that is 50 years old has spent approximately five and a half YEARS in a state of lamentation over their unworthiness of being able to be in the presence of their own creator? they get over this damning feeling by using christ as a literal scapegoat for their unworthiness which, supposedly, gives them peace. i think the biggest despair is that these adults allow themselves to be duped into believing that they’re not worthy of anything that is given to them by the universe.

i guess there’s no better time than today, easter sunday, to state that i no longer fall for that bullshit. i believe that humans are beautiful and perfect as they are. i believe that humans are worthy of love by the universe and i believe that humans are powerful beyond their wildest dreams. evil exists in the world because humans refuse to acknowledge their power and their status of “loved.” the greatest sin of all is when a human willingly allows themselves to believe that they don’t deserve happiness.

i refuse to grovel at the feet of a sexist, jealous, violent, homophobic god… i stand up tall and proud and worship in the beauty of the holiness that surrounds me by a universal power that is truly loving and accepting and doesn’t wish harm on anyone… even if they don’t believe in it’s existence.

carrie

2007-04-03T12:21:00.001-05:00

i remember a sex and the city episode where carrie noted that chronically-single people get the shaft because they never get the chance to enjoy the abundance of gifts that are showered upon people when they get married or have a kid. i have to say that, in a non-bitter way, i agree with her... it really is the shaft sometimes.

i never plan on marrying (not even noting the obvious that i CAN'T) nor do i plan on having kids... i guess that just makes people like me stronger... *shrug*

and oddly enough, unlike most situations, i really am not bitter. i think i'm not bitter because i don't even WANT to begin to have the type of life that a married couple or parents have (it's just not the life for me). so i guess that not getting the extra abundance showered on me by friends or co-workers is a gift in itself. a gift that is showing me that, indeed, i am living the life that i'm happy with.

but i wouldn't turn down a set of waterford martini glasses as a "you're cool" gift because, well, you know, you'd buy them for me if i was getting married or popping an 8 lb kid out of my vagina = )

oh man

2007-03-27T19:19:00.000-05:00

do you even KNOW how hard it is to write a paper when you're sitting in the huge warehouse window of a boho coffee shop when it's twilight and pouring rain outside???

NO! ARGH! seriously, the uber-romanticized evening sun setting in the midst of a spring shower that is covering everything with a puddle of wholesome, nourishing, life-giving rain.

*sigh* i'm destined to forever romanticize life as it continues to infect my life with non-stop distraction.

t.b.

2007-03-26T14:33:00.000-05:00

picture it, this afternoon, on a walk with a straight guy friend.

me: so i think i'm going to start working out again.
straight guy friend (sgf): why?
me: i kinda have drive to.
sgf: ok...
me: well, last night there was this really really cute guy online and was flirting with me, but you know, he's totally cut. like, not in the huge muscle-head way but in the, well, you know, good looking way. he's got pecs and a six-pack and is really in shape... and well, i'm not. and he can totally see that in my profile... he can't miss it. and he was still flirting with me.
sgf: maybe he just wants a tubby bitch.

tubby bitch my ass...

doppel-WHA?

2007-03-07T09:32:00.000-06:00

on sunday i was waiting in line for brunch w/ some friends when one of them turned around and stated in a very shocked voice, "i just saw your doppelganger!" having NO idea what the hell he was talking about i responded with an equally shocked, "WHAT?!?" and then promptly checked my fly. nope, everything was packaged up nicely.

he stated it again, "no, over there! your doppelganger!" once again i said, "what?"... well, this went on for a few cycles before i finally said, "no seriously, i have no idea what a doppelganger is." it's at the point that the cycle ended and he told me how a doppelganger was a person's twin, their lookalike, their other-half. and supposedly MY doppelganger was standing right behind me.

so, as covertly at possible, i spun around and began looking for a ruggedly-handsome man in his late 20's w/ a beard and hair that looked like it should have been cut two months ago. whouldn't you know, he WAS standing right behind me, and even more shocking was that, indeed, i found him quite attractive.

that's when i had two revelations only one of which i shared w/ my friends:

1) i am TOTALLY attracted to guys that look similar to me, i.e., facial hair, not primped, kinda rugged-ish, looks like they're quite comfortable in their own skin. note, i'm not attracted to guys LIKE me but that just guys that LOOK like me.

2) if i ever got the chance, i'd totally make out w/ myself.

this last revelation was kinda fun to think about at first but the more i used "doppelganger" in conversation the more i thought about making out w/ myself which made me think more and more that i was a freak.

now before you reply with a resounding "DUH!" please think about it first for yourself... if you got the chance, would you makeout w/ yourself? i'm not as much curious how many people say "yes" but rather how many of those saying "yes" are straight *grin*

shutdown day

2007-03-01T22:26:00.001-06:00

your internet porn can wait... trust me.

give it a try!

butt dandruff, nasal drip, and the girls

2007-02-26T21:00:00.000-06:00

black shirts frequently give away the wearer's dandruff problem. in the same way, black toilet seats give away the previous pooper's problem. yeah, butt dandruff. what the hell!?!?! i walk into a stall at work and the seat has white flakes on it... seriously dudes, use head & shoulders or t-gel or something, i'm sick of having to wipe your dead ass-skin off the seat before i sit my nice, moisturized, NON-FLAKY ass down to poop.
i did it. i finally did it. this stuff is the coolest, craziest, most FUN thing to do. odd? maybe... but what do you expect from me?
i finished the final season of golden girls on sunday afternoon amid a blizzard. the bittersweet experience ended an almost four-year homage to the lovely ladies that bring joy to my life like no other ladies do. rather than watch the final episode as i watch many golden girls episodes: late at night, drunk, and with a bowl of sour-gummies, i waited to watch it when i was completely sober, awake, and able to use up a box of tissues that i conveniently placed next to the couch. i used them... not only was the episode sad but i finished the entire series. *sigh* now i just have to wait for the release of the golden palace.

"simple pleasures" or "just really easy to keep happy"???

2007-02-19T20:11:00.000-06:00

simple moment of pleasure #524:

walking thru an empty intersection at night and hearing the *click* when the traffic lights switch.

not only are you privy to the amazing experience of being in a location known for being busy while it's so quiet that you can hear an almost-silent *click* but when you hear the *click* the whole world changes around you. what was dark and eerie w/ red overtones turns bright and cheerfully green. you're greeted by a bright white walk sign and it's like the world has, for a short moment, opened it's slowly dozing-off eyes for you.

you're special... you got to hear the *click*! how many people can say they experienced the *click*... or can even say that they were in the moment SO much that they were almost anticipating it...

life is beautiful.

*** addendum after posting ***
dude, i just realized that i ended two posts in a row with "life is beautiful." - huh, cool...
******************************

rite of passage

2007-02-13T19:29:00.000-06:00

tonight when i showed up at my coffee shop and one of the girls asked me what i wanted to drink, the cute guy behind the counter (notice how pretty much every guy is cute to me?) looked at me, grinned, and said "i got it... mug of the lite roast." *grin back*

it's one of the best feelings when you go to your coffee shop and the people know you by name and/or by drink. now both of my coffee shops (caribou coffee in the morning and black dog at night) know me by drink and name.

life is beautiful.

3m

2007-02-11T19:24:00.000-06:00

i get to have drinks w/ my favorite-ist-ist girlfriend monday night.

i've been waiting for this for a week and it's already the best, coolest, night i'm going to have this week.

martinis and mammaries monday. that about sums it up.

who needs valentines day?

2 bribones tras la esmeralda perdida

2007-01-29T19:54:00.000-06:00

yeah yeah yeah... i know. but i have a good excuse this time.

picture it, december 2006. a lovely, homosexually-inclined, bitter corporate american sits in his cage reading his email... an email that will end blogging as he knows it: "effective next week we will be installing a new filter on the system and all the following types of sites will be blocked." blogger.com is one of them.

i can't see nor write my blog from work any more... and for those of you know don't realize it, most of my blogging happens when i'm sitting in my cage waiting for the day to end. what is a homosexually-inclined person like myself supposed to do???

when i go home i usually do homework, watch simpsons, eat, then do more homework (i do other things too but my sister reads this blog and i'm sure she doesn't want to hear about her brother crankin' off... oh shit... sorry sis *grin*).

long story short, i'm blogging now.

OMG! i watched for the first time tonight romancing the stone. i cried... michael douglas has NEVER made me feel "that way" before... i love the 80's.

ok, back to studying. i can't promise much, but i surely desire to blog more frequently... lets see how good i can be with that.

*hugs*

to amos, with love

2007-01-08T20:08:00.000-06:00

watching a 13 year old while his mother is at a school meeting = FREE

spending time with your 13 year old "pseudo-son" = FUN

helping a 13 year old with algebra when he could care less = OHMYFUCKINGODWHERE'STHENEARESTPENCILFORMETOPOKEINMYEYE

for those parents who have teenagers, i truly respect and love you. i will give you the tightest hug whenever i see you next.

for those parents who have children younger than teenagers, i'm storing up hugs for you starting today... payable beginning on the 13th birthday of your spawn.

for those parents who have children past their teens, you're probably partying pretty hard right now... please let me know where you are so i can come over and raise a gin martini to your success.

i love kids, and especially "my" 13 year old for the fun i have with him but also for showing me what it's like to be a parent and for helping me understand a little bit better how you can love someone so much and still want to thump them on the forehead and say "WHY DON'T YOU CARE??? CARE!!!"

i love you amos... here's your first "teen years" hug: *hug*

happy holiday jab

2006-12-21T10:29:00.000-06:00

in december of every year a tension rises between belief systems all over the world over the usage of terminology of the particular holidays people celebrate.

merry christmas?

happy chanukah?

cool yule?

happy kwanza?

or the blanket, happy holidays!

when did the acknowledgement that there was more than one holiday at this time of year become so offensive? when did grouping the holidays together in one greeting to cover everyone's holiday cheer become a term that causes people's blood to boil.

i blame the christians. really, i do.

in a country that is primarily christian i've found that the people most offended by "happy holidays" are christians. they're offended because they feel that "happy holidays" is denying the existance of their christmas, that it somehow is meant to ignore christmas, that it's meant to piss them off. well my dear friends, YOU'RE pissing me off.

we don't live in a christian country - we live in a country where the christians believe that they're deserved of a christian nation... personally, a christian nation scares the shit out of me.

i'm not offended by "merry christmas" but i'm definately more attracted to "happy holidays" because it acknowledges that not everyone in this country loves jesus so much that they worship him via boxoffice, vote him into office, or lick the soles of james dobson.

really folks, is it SO terrible to wish EVERYONE the happiest during their holiday - i guess it is, especially if your holiday just so happens to be the wrong one.

300th post!!!

2006-12-18T10:49:00.000-06:00

*** i just noticed that this is my 300th post! and how appropriate, it's about shitting! ***

question: what do the following things have in common?

pooping
peeing
that-time-of-the-month-ing
farting
burping
boob adjusting
ball itching

answer: they're all things that our bodies MUST do to survive or they're things we MUST do in order to be comfortable in our bodies... and they're all things that we're not allowed to do unless we're in private.

begin rant: why the hell are we so ashamed of the things that we HAVE to do in order to survive? i mean, every human farts. every human poops. every human pisses. every human has to burp or fart at some time. and every human just needs to scratch, itch, and move-it-a-little-to-the-left sometimes. yet we get looked at like we're the most rude person on this celestial ball if we do it outside of our own private universe.

i've even seen people talk about how inappropriate it is to fart loudly in the bathroom... IN THE BATHROOM!?!?!? WHERE ELSE AM I GONNA FART!?!?!

my wish for this yule season isn't for peace on earth or food for every starving child...

i want to be able to fart in a meeting without being embarrassed because everyone else in the meeting understands that i just had to do it otherwise i'd have terrible stomach cramps.

i want to be able to scratch my balls while teaching without being thought of as a perve because my students understand that sometimes, underwear can really be uncomfortable when it bunches-up.

i want to stop hearing my sisters talk about taking dumps in stalls that are next to each other and how funny it was... i want to be in the stall next to them laughing my ass off that one of them just let out a huge fart.

really folks... why are humans such freakin' prudes?

so anyway... 300th post... my gift to you... have a cool yule!

on blogs and killer orgasms

2006-12-13T09:38:00.001-06:00

you know what i really HATE? when you write up an awesome post and use the ever-so-convenient "email" option to email your post to blogger and it bounces back... without your sent message attached so you can at least copy and paste it directly into the site.

boo - hiss

and then you think about writing the post again but the energy just isn't the same. energy is like a killer orgasm, it's only temporary - once it's done it's done. and i mean "killer" as in KICK-ASS, AMAZING, TINGLING... not an orgasm that kills you.

speaking of orgasms that kill you... the other day i was talking to a fairly new friend of mine and she mentioned how she had an INCREDIBLE session of sex w/ her [stunningly gorgeous] husband and afterwards he went to the bathroom and passed out on the tile floor. her face had pure terror in it as she told us that she seriously thought she had killed her husband. and then she followed it with "but at least he had a smile on his face."

thank the GODS that he didn't die... he's a breathlessly HOT canadian dentist who lives in the cities with his equally GORGEOUS and brilliant wife (my new friend).

so there... another post - not the same as the original, but equally as fun and raunchy!

rites of winter

2006-12-05T19:17:00.000-06:00

rites of winter, everybody's got them. you know, those moments that make you stop and think "*gasp* that's the first [insert rite here] of winter! man i LOVE winter!"

my rites of winter (in no particular order):

the first snowfall
the first sub-zero temperature (NOT counting wind chill)
wearing your stocking hat in the coffee shop
wearing gloves for the first time
the first time your nostrils freeze together
days without sunshine
the moment you realize your car is warmed-up enough that you can take your gloves off
static electricity

it's all so fantastic, so refreshing, so alive. i don't get it, people complaining about winter... to me it's the earth finally saying to us "see here you little shit... i DO have control over you!" and all you can do is lean back, put another blanket on the bed, put another shot of whiskey in your coffee, and say "have at it, jack frost."

it's nice to give up control every once in a while, isn't it? *grin*

the better person

2006-11-30T09:20:00.000-06:00

i have every reason in the entire universe to be the biggest BITCH today.

but i choose to rise above my trials.

i have every reason in the whole of corporate america to be an ASS HOLE this very minute.

but i choose to be the stronger employee.

i have every right in the world to be PISSED OFF BEYOND BELIEF as i write this.

but i choose to let my irritabilities disapperate.

i choose to take a deep breath, recognize that some things you just can't control, remember that everyone is allowed their opinion, that everyone makes mistakes, that sometimes the best thing to do is walk away, that silence is truly golden, that gossip ultimately hurts someone, and that this evening holds the promise of a warm and cozy bed for me to rest in at which time i can let this day finally fizzle away into mere memories in my mind.

jesus is NOT the reason for the season

2006-11-27T12:30:00.000-06:00

from healinghappens.com:

"Yule (~ Dec 21) marks the longest night of the year -- the triumph of the dark half of the year. Night and darkness have reached their apex and the Wheel turns to restore balance. The dawn heralds the return of the sun, bringer of light, warmth, and growth. In the days following Yule, the sun’s power grows steadily, encroaching upon the night, pushing back the darkness.

"The darkness of this longest night holds many lessons. One of the most powerful is the awareness that hope and light spring forth from deepest darkness. Here, indeed, is the message “that the darkest hour comes just before the dawn”. As we wait quietly in the darkness, we honor the stillness and the mystery of the night, and light the Yule log to summon the sun’s return. In the summoning of the sun, we work in partnership with Nature to preserve balance. Similarly, when faced with difficult challenges in our lives, we are partners with the Universe in manifesting hope out of despair."

it no wonder that early christians grabbed onto the sacred pagan holiday of yule. the very holiday itself focuses on the darkness of the earth and the approaching sun. christian's around the world use this sacred sacred pagan holiday and bastardize it by inserting their own god in it's place. jesus is the "sun" that breaks through the longest dark night of humanity. on christmas eve they sit in darkness (as pagans still do while celebrating yule a few days earlier) and await the "sun" of god to appear to slowly bring light to a [spiritually] dying race of man.

jesus, my friends, is NOT the reason for the season... jesus unfortunately lost his true birthday to a race of god-seeking men who couldn't stand the fact that someone believed differently than they did.

it's a shame, really...

christmas time in the city

2006-11-19T17:55:00.000-06:00

the park that my apartment looks over has been covered in gorgeous christmas lights. the glow makes my entire apartment glow but it's well worth it... i love christmas.

here's some pics... they're not too clear cause i'm a stupid-camera-person who can't figure out my stupid camera. oh well = )

pics!

pics too!

the old man and the sauce

2006-11-11T16:25:00.000-06:00

ok... THIS story is quite possibly the highlite of my life. really.

picture it, chicago, 2006. i'm on the red-line train heading south to my hotel (notice how all the good stories are on the train?). i'm surrounded by drunk kids dressed-up for the myriad of halloween parties in the city. on the last bench in the train there is a bum. he's alone on his bench and has about five pairs of pants on, each one pulled down slightly farther than the next reaching all the way to his knees. he has an american flag and a bottle of hot sauce. yes, hot sauce.

he has three teeth that are visible and is mumbling to himself. noone wants to stare so we mind our own business and take glances at him when we get the chance. my diversion: a book. believable and easy to look over the top edge without being obvious.

there is a rustling in the train so i look up. everyone is staring at the bum who has taken the cap off of his hot sauce and has proceeded to shake it onto the train floor in a large arching circle around him... ALL the way around him. he finishes his strange ritual by sprinkling a bunch on the empty seat next to him. put hot sauce cap back on... sit back with flag and continue mumbling.

um... ok. i can deal with this... back to the book.

another rustling. look up. this time the bum is drinking hot sauce directly out of the bottle. he smacks his lips like it's the best thing he's ever tasted. then he looks out the window and lets out a blood curdling scream. he just screams and screams. any decent human would be concerned for the guy, but the rest of us ass-holes on the train look at him and start laughing. a kid hands him a cigarette and a lite. the bum lights up and starts smoking. THIS, of course, is funny too because it's illegal to smoke on the train.

soon enough, as probably could have been guessed, the hot sauce comes out again as the bum sprinkles it on his cigarette. finally someone speaks to him and says, "that's good stuff, huh?" to which he says "yeaaaaaahhhhhhh."

case solved: hot sauce is good.

life goes on until the bum's index finger all of a sudden points up in the air dramatically as both the bum and all the rest of "us" stare at it, wondering what it's going to do next. the finger goes around a little bit making a track in the air and then breaks sequence suddenly and plunges into a big pool of hot sauce on the floor of the train. it was HILLAROUS watching everyone's eyes follow this "bouncing ball" all over the place and then suddenly land on the hot sauce puddle. the finger stays in the puddle as all of just stare. then, ever so slowly, the finger rises up and goes straight into... yeah... the bum's mouth. he smacks his lips yet one more time and says "ahhhhhhhh."

thinking things couldn't get any better for a blog posting, he then pulls out a welfare-ish check and starts to write all over the back of it with his pen. some guy on the train stopped him to tell him to only endorse it on the top but the bum yelled at the kid and said that he was just writing his name. without warning the pen's tip goes straight into the air and nose dives straight into the same puddle of hot sauce on the ground that the finger was in not five minutes ago. the pen stays in the puddle for a while before slowly being lifted back to the check to write his name more times on the back with "hot sauce ink."

i'm about to say i really like this guy, till he pulls out a large poster of queen nefertiti (yeah, the egyptian one) and starts to scream on top of his lungs about how the white man fucked her over and how she's got screwed and such.

cue the "i don't like him any more... he's just CRAZY now" music.

i mean... how crazy can you get? the white man screwed over queen nefertiti??? man oh man... nothing's crazier than that.

geeze louise...

the train of death, part due

2006-11-09T07:13:00.000-06:00

on friday i met up with my friend nic who moved to chi-town a couple months ago. our goal: drink and eat and drink.

our first stop was the hancock building. NOW... you can pay $15 or something like that to visit the observation deck on the 94th floor OOORRR you can take a free ride up to the 96th floor and drink at their awesome restaurant/bar/lounge up there... now... which would you choose? paying $$$ for screaming kids and tourists or paying $$$ for drinks HIGHER than the tourists, with a BETTER VIEW than the tourists, and a much more suave atmosphere??? you choose.

anyway, nic and i had to take the red line train north of the loop to get to the building so we jumped on a train and LIKE A FUCKIN' BRICK WALL we were on the GD train of death AGAIN!. i, being way more obnoxious about it this time, said "this fuckin' train??? i was on this damn train last night!" to which nic replied "JESUS, i was on this train yesterday afternoon." so we looked at each other and said "fuckit" and moved into the other train.

i can't tell you how proud i was that i stood up for myself (and said "fuck" so proudly and loudly in a public place). i was beaming while the other stupid lemmings stayed behind and watched nic and i sneak through the "emergency" doors into the train behind ours. only one or two people followed us, and the train was way fuller than when i was on it the night before.

when we got on the other car everyone looked at us and started laughing. yeah... most of that car had crammed into it as refugees from the train of death.

and there, folks, is a story of one man's maturation from lemming to leader. well, more like loud-mouthed-show-off-leader *grin*

the train of death

2006-11-01T20:08:00.000-06:00

i know many bad smells... MANY:

poop
pee
b.o.
bad breath
ass-rot
rotton food
slaughtered animals
belly button lint
vomit
"asparagus" piss
lesbian

but when i got on the south-bound red-line train on thursday night i ran into an odor so hideous, so amazingly putrid, so beautifully evil that i could do nothing but think it had to be the one thing that i think i really don't know... dead human body.

i swear to all that is holy that someone died and rotted for at least seven and a half hours in that train car. i think the others in the train would have agreed w/ me too.

what did i do? did i go to a new car? did i sneak to the next train or just wait on the platform for the next train?

no... like a fuckin' lemming i sat on the train of death and covered my nose and mouth.

i can't tell you how many people got on the train and did the same as me... dumb asses. but the people i was the most impressed with were some drunk and VERY obnoxious kids that got on the train, spilled more expletives than i could even muster up (imagine that...) and at the next stop got out and ran up to the next train.

i have to say, i was very impressed with those kids and was pretty jealous that i hadn't stood up for my own nose and done the same.

the tipsy plane

2006-10-31T12:26:00.000-06:00

i've made it through security and am ready to blow this joint only to find out that my flight has been delayed by half an hour. no problem, it gave me time to grab some food, eat, and... yes... study. it also gave me time to admire the bountiful beauty of cute guys aparantly going to chicago as well *grin*

when i FINALLY got on the plane i was pleasantly surprised to see that i would be spending my flight next to one of the cuter of the guys i had noticed earlier... tommie happy.

we ignored each other for the first part of the flight, that's what guys do (it's universal regardless if you're gay or straight). but when the drink cart came along and i ordered gin and the flight attendant gave it to me for free (cause she said i was "so damn cute"... no lie... that's exactly what she said!) his ears perked-up. he got himself a drink and of course she gave him the drink free too cause he was "so damn cute" (those were my words, not hers - lol). we started talking.

the conversation started with the typical "going home or leaving home" and merged into "what do you do." no sooner had we figured out that he works for the financial planning subsidiary for my company and the conversations just went wild. that's when the flight attendant discreetly dropped an additional bottle of booze for each of us accompanied by a "you boys didn't see anything... but i sure hope you tell everyone how wonderful your flight w/ AIR TRAN was). *grin*

as we downed our remaining drinks we got to a personal level and discussed how he went to college just 1/2 hour from where i grew up, where i went to college (and DIDN'T finish college - he said the whole "incident" was "totally fucked-up"), and how we were going to have a BLAST this weekend away from home.

when the plane landed and we both stood up we glanced at each other with slightly shocked looks... words really didn't need to be said other than "man, i'm tipsy."

man i love AIR TRAN!

oh the places i've gone...

2006-10-30T20:34:00.000-06:00

i'm back from chicago and have so many stories to tell that i'm kind of overwhelmed = ) here's a short taste of stories that will be written up this week:

the tipsy plane
the train of death
the train of death, part due
the old bum and the sauce
um... don't i know you?

just something for you all to look forward to! man, some of these stories are really good...

fah-q

2006-10-26T10:05:00.000-05:00

last night i had beer bladder and had to go to the bathroom in the stall because several other guys had beer bladder at the same time.

on the stall wall i saw "fah-q" written. it took me a sec to figure out what it meant and then i caught it and like an epiphany is supposed to be, i laughed so hard that i pissed on the toilet seat. = )

i can't say how pleased i am to see that bathroom stall vandals are FINALLY getting unique. i mean... i always get a laugh when i see "here i sit all broken hearted..." but when i see something like "fah-q" it makes me proud to be a public stall user... i've been enlightned!

side note: i'm leaving this afternoon for a 3-day trip to chicago. vacation is greatly needed in my life so i'm getting up and leaving for a long weekend. i'm not planning on bringing my laptop along to post so you may not hear from me till early next week. but you should be used to that... nakachunkoff's personal universe has had a black hole lately that's been sucking all life energy from it *grin*

have a good weekend!!!

fun with my hole

2006-10-23T07:58:00.000-05:00

i bit the inside of my lip twice in two minutes this morning while eating a lowfat cranberry orange scone. it hurt like a bitch, but now that the throbbing and searing pain has gone away there's a hole in my lip where i bit it. it's actually really fun to play with it.

look! my tongue is in my hole!

look! now it's not!

he he - this is going to be such a fun day...

true mcdonald's story

2006-10-20T12:20:00.000-05:00

the setup
me: hungry
mcdonald's lady: lunchlady-ish, old-ish, "i smoke 3-packs a day"-ish

the conversation
me: i'd like a #11 please.
ml: what kind of sauce would you like?
me: hot mustard please

(slapping packets on the counter)

ml: (loudly) HE LIKES HIS MUSTARD LIKE HE LIKES HIS WOMEN!
me: (feigning astonishment) wow! (chuckle) how'd you know!?!?

(pause)

ml: WELL... (dramatic deep breath) when you've lived this long you learn a thing or two.

wow... i can't wait till i'm older so i know what it's like to be uncannily smart.

WHITE!

2006-10-11T09:59:00.000-05:00

EEEEKKKK IT'S SNOWING!!!

road trip!

2006-10-09T19:33:00.000-05:00

bf and i went on a super-fab road trip this weekend. the trip went south of the twin cities to austin, mn where we visited the spam museum (yes, you read that right... the spam museum). we then went east to winona, mn, crossed the beautiful mississippi river, and went north on the scenic hwy 35 up the river. we stopped in alma, wi to look off of a cliff WAY up in the air (i was able to see up jesus' skirt), and then further up the road to wabasha, mn where we crossed over the grand missi-sip and up thru red wing, mn back to the twin cities.

we were on the road for probably seven hours total but saw some amazing land, beautiful trees, and... well... spam. = ) here are some pics from the top of the bluff in alma.

this is on top of the cliff looking down at alma and hwy 35. in the distance you can see the way too phallic power plant.

this is on top of the cliff looking down at the river and the lock and dam #4. the mississippi is full of locks and dams... that damn goldilocks, always gettin' aunt flow involved in every family dispute.

this is ME on top of the cliff. i look grumpy but i'm actually quite happy - i'm on a fabu road trip with my bf AND i just saw up jesus' skirt!

hmmm, it's that damn dam again. only this time there's two people that look like they're sitting on nothing and thinking about jumping. DON'T JUMP!!! NIAGRA FALLS IS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC!

ahhh, bf. everybody say "hi bf!!!"

hope you enjoyed!!!

eff-why-eye

2006-10-09T12:54:00.000-05:00

work: i continue to use the middle stall here at work because it offers much-needed respite from my increasingly busy job. this is the way i see it: to work more than my usual hours requires energy and stamina. to gain that stamina and energy i must ingest coffee. coffee makes me poop. therefore, "middle stall" time should accurately be reported as overtime. not like it matters though, salaried employees don't get paid for overtime. how do i justify the two? i bring personal reading in the the stall with me. i report overtime and get in some reading at the same time.

grad school: they don't have a middle stall at school so, instead, i use breaks to call my bf to bitch and moan about the indian girl who sits next to me and picks her toe nails in the middle of class, slowly... creating... a pile... of ripped-off nails that gross the hell out of me.

bf: ahh, the bf. so caring. so understanding. so forgiving. so nice.

other: you'll NEVER guess who i ran into the other day on the street... "cute bus guy"!!! he recognized me right away and said hi. he's still cute as before but has grown his hair out really long and has a beard now. but i think he's straight... i mean... we ran into each other while bf and i were walking home after work the other day and if "cute bus guy" was gay he TOTALLY would have given me a dirty eye for walking around w/ a cute guy (bf). i don't think he was jealous at all thus i think, sadly enough, that he's straight.

ok, i'm going to try to get this thing updated more often now... i'm sick of people bitching about my lack of blogging (you know who you are).

OH MY GOD!

2006-09-22T14:02:00.000-05:00

OHMYGODAIRSUPPLYISONTHERADIOANDI'MSOFUCKIN'EXCITED!!!!!

*breathe tom... breathe...*

i'm teaching a two-day class right now and the students are doing a lab so i had the radio on to make things a little less boring and "making love out of nothing at all" came on. it's taking a TON of self control to not absolutly freak out in front of my class right now.

gawd i love air supply...

shit-kicker day

2006-09-21T15:10:00.000-05:00

happy tom's-wearing-his-shit-kicker's day!

mucho mucho apologies on my non-blog-ish-nicity.

wake up
poop
shower
go to work
eat lunch
go to work
do homework
kiss and hug bf
eat dinner
do homework
go to bed
rinse and repeat

#513

2006-09-14T13:06:00.000-05:00

reason number #513 why i love living downtown:

over a 45 minute lunch break i went home, put a load of dishes in the dishwasher and washed (and put away) the ones that didn't fit, put a load in the washer, folded and put away a load in the dryer, dusted, swept, and vacuumed!

all to whitney houston blasting out her bleeding little heart. poor skank is getting a divorce, maybe we'll get another "broken hearted" album out of this tragedy. = )

a slew of haiku about the bf's new deck

2006-09-05T10:07:00.000-05:00

your back was so bare
you needed something back there
oh, my bf's home.

the plans completed
the construction has started
when will you be done?

the rains came on hard
and now the weekend is here
why are you not done?

oh glory! you're here!
oh glory! you are perfect!
oh glory! FINALLY!

at six by twenty
you are so hard and so long
you give me shivers.

we are so hungry
and we want to cook food outside
hey! we need a grill!

off to the sears store
off to shop with lesbians
off to buy a grill!

you are so shiny
you are so perfectly hot
woof, come home with us!

nu UH! you don't fit!?!?!?
you have GOT to be kidding
me. get outta town!

ooh! me! idea!
roll the grill to bf's home
on dolly from sears!

la-de-da-de-da
grill on dolly plus whitey
in flip-flops - oi vey!

over the ghetto
and thru the hood to bf's
house i go... with grill!

made it home. *pant - pant*
put dolly in car. *pant - pant*
what the hell is on my shorts?!?!?!? AXEL GREASE? jebus-cripes man, it's all over my leg and my shorts and my hands... SONOFA... now how the hell am i supposed to get THIS out!?!?!

thanks for the advice
moms can be so wonderful
almost no grease left!

grill is together
lights are now strung on the deck
party time is now = )

can't wait till tonight
drinks and food on the new deck
(i really like my new boyfriend - *grin*)

sticky soles

2006-08-30T09:27:00.000-05:00

bf and i have been dating now for about two and a half months (is that ALL??? it seems so much longer, man how time flies). i digress...

anyway, bf has on several occasions made note that i have holes in my socks or that my undergarments seem a little, *ahem* worn. i HATE buying these items because i hate spending money on things other people don't see. i mean, i don't care if there's a hole in my sock or if my tighty-whities are more like loosey-off-whities, YOU'RE not going to see them, right?

well, the sock thing finally came to a head (heel?) today.

you see, there's a hole the size of a pencil eraser on the heel of my right sock - no problem right? wrong. every time i step on my right foot my heel-skin attaches itself to the bottom of my shoe through my hole. every time i step on my left foot (lifting my right foot) the foot goes up but the skin stays attached for a few seconds causing my right foot to feel like the shoe is grabbing ahold of my heel and not letting go! it's a creepy feeling actually.

i'm going home over lunch today, am i going to change my sock... prolly not. but i'm taking this moment to publicly state that, yes bf, my socks have holes in them. tonight when you come over you have permission to dig my right sock out of the hamper and throw it away. BUT ONLY THE RIGHT ONE! there's nothing wrong with the left one... yet. = )

whirlwind of factoids

2006-08-28T11:01:00.000-05:00

too much to talk about and way too much to blog about, therefore you get a summarization of the last seventy-two hours:

two bbq's in ~five hours w/ the bf which included two full bbq potluck dinners within two hours of each other. loads of sun, thank buddha it was a gorgeous saturday.
move a friend, lots of lifting, lots of unloading, more sun, too much sweating, and titty sweat marks on my shirt. so sexy folks.
got my grades from my first grad school class... i got an A!!!!!
i made the news! kare 11 (a local station) did a story on my camp noah trip. you can view the video that was on the news here. note that it's the second video clip. oh, and i'm in it... see you if you can spot me.
it's a very dark and grim monday... JUST the way i like them. i woke up and saw that the sun was nowhere to be seen and that it was all dark-ish outside and i jumped out of bed more energized than i've been in WEEKS! i know i'm twisted, but the darkness just reminds me that summer is ending and that, thank the green man, winter and fall are just around the corner.
evil children are totally cool
i like coffee

i think that summarizes most of it.

stuff-on-a-stick day

2006-08-26T12:56:00.000-05:00

yesterday was state fair day. a full 9 hours at the fair turned-out two very tuckered-out fags that needed to just lay back and watch old elvira movies last night.

for state fair virgins... the state fair is good for three things: eating, free stuff, and farm boys.

the eating:

about-a-foot-long hotdog
pulled-turkey sandwich
sweet martha's cookies
big ol' bucket o' fries
strawberry and apple carmel sundaes
several cokes
salt water taffy

the free stuff:

four-colored pen from mutual of omaha's wild kingdom
gift cards from home depot
and other crap

the farm boys:

the poultry/rabbit barn (cocks and hares)
the cattle barn (teats and cow showers and such - that barn should have a warning over the door: "warning: this building may cause an intense desire to prod... cattle that is")

of course, the final thing to do was the ever-famous trip down the ye old mill ride. of course, we got sat with two other people in the boat which was left-boat-heavy (port or starboard?) which caused us to feel like we were going to tip over. actually, i think we almost did tip over at one point, my shoes got soaked.

anyway, i'm off to two bbq's today - happy close-to-the-end-of-summer!

the holiest of shit

2006-08-22T10:03:00.000-05:00

i am in amazed shock that two of my greatest loves, poop and coffee, have been combined in a natural process that perfects the both of them at the same time!

thanks to char-boy i have discovered the amazing world of kopi luwak. this coffee has taken a KILLER three-hour tour in to the mouth of, through the g.i. track of, and out of the ass of a luwak. it's then harvested and cleaned-up and roasted and sold as one of the world's most rare and expensive coffees. people's reviews of are amazing and i MUST try it myself.

char-boy hasn't tried it, he just told me about it. the next opportunity i get i'm ordering a sampler packet of this shit-coffee and trying it myself... man i can't wait!!!

poop coffee!!!! what's next, vomit chocolate?!?!?!

another gorgeous day...

2006-08-20T09:23:00.000-05:00

nothing really to talk about here, just another gorgeous day during a nearly-perfect minnesota august. temperatures have been in the mid 80's during the day and dropping into the mid to low 60's at night. the sun has been shining brightly with a consistently nice mix of clouds to break it up. and life has been very good.

on days like this i wonder what will happen next, 1) a penny will fall from a tall building and slice me in two or 2) life will continue to get better and better resulting in the bf buying me a gorgeous diamond ring and asking me to marry him.

of course, realistically, neither will happen an most likely life will just do it's thing and ebb and flow and this and that and up and down like normal. and i guess i can deal with that, consistent near-perfection isn't worth bitching about. = )

namaste'

trash seeker

2006-08-16T10:05:00.000-05:00

one day, when i was a child, my dad gathered my sisters and i and walked us to the living room. he marched to the middle of the room where there was a scrap of paper laying in the middle of the floor. he reached over, picked it up, and flipped it over so all of us could see the back of it. written on the back of the paper was a short note, "whoever picks up this piece of paper, bring it to dad and he'll give you $1." dad's point was that us kids needed to start caring about how the house looked and start picking up outside of the organized "saturday morning cleanup." case in point, this piece of paper was put in the living room by my dad days earlier and nobody had touched it.

to this day, this moment affects me every single day. this next statement is in no way exagerated... EVERY time i see a piece of trash on the ground my immediate thought is is someone placed it there and is watching to see if someone will care enough to pick it up. the trash could be at work, in an elevator, in the skyway, or even on the street... my first thought is always a curious thought if someone's nearby watching me to see if i'll be the one to care.

i love my city and any chance i get, i try to pick up trash and throw it away at the nearest can. i don't care about getting my hands dirty because i just want my city to look nice... but EVERY time i pick up a piece of trash i question myself as to if i'm doing it because i care about how the city looks or if i'm doing it because i'm afraid someone nearby planted it and i just don't want to be one of the people who just walks by and ignores it.

unfortunately, this causes me not to pick up trash sometimes because i'm afraid that i'm doing it purely for selfish reasons... i just want to be the one that somebody sees as "the one who cares" and i want that to make me feel good.

thanks dad...

OMG!

2006-08-15T13:53:00.000-05:00

DARK CHOCOLATE M&MS ARE BACK!!! I'M SO FREAKIN' EXCITED I COULD JUST SQUEEEEEEEL!!!