i, the pious and humble tom, am showing signs of the pregmata. yes, the pregmata, those holy signs of the virgin mother's pregnancy. many claim that the pregmata is fake and even blasphemous, but i am a testament to it's reality... how do i know these to be true?
1) last night i almost fainted... i got all light-headed and pale. i had to sit down and get some water to make sure i didn't whack my nose on the concrete.
2) i'm having cravings... i want to eat everything in sight and nothing sounds bad.
3) certain things have started to make me sick to my stomach... diet soda, sugar-free producs, "lite" fares... etc. even the smell of a soy-latte makes me want to vomit.
and the most obvious reason why i'm showing signs of the pregmata:
4) my mid-section has been getting bigger, my pants are getting tighter, and i'm bloating.
if you'd like to come and pray at my feet in the presence of this most holy of miracles, please contact me. take your time though, i'm not sure this miracle will be leaving me any time soon.
O benedictum fructum ventris Maria,
Ad te clamamus, Ad te suspiramus,
Gementes et flentes, in hac lacrimarum valle.
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