guess who's back???

CUTE BUS GUY!!!!

i didn't notice him when i got on the bus because he was all bundled-up (we're in the process of getting another seven inches of snow) but as i was getting ready to cross the street i saw him and he saw me. we had a moment actually = ) we caught eyes and exchanged big smiles and said hi. they were the sheepish, junior-high, i-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-where-the-HELL-have-you-been smiles.

then my heart started pounding and i felt like a little kid. so silly but so fun.

so i've made a decision. i'm writing my name, phone #, and email on a slip of paper and putting it in my wallet. the next time i get to sit next to him on the bus i'm goin' out on a limb and giving it to him and asking him when i can take him to coffee.

*nervous sigh*

infatuation is stupid and AWESOME at the same time.

new fav quote

favorite quote from the star tribune's article on today's blizzard:

"the afternoon commute will be better if people stay off the roads."

WOO HOO!!!

the rehearsal that i had tonight [that i was going to skip anyway] has been cancelled because of the AWESOME blizzard we're experiencing ALL DAY!!!

what am i going to do instead? well, the same thing i was going to before it was cancelled!

i'm going home and making myself hot tea (prolly spiked). then i'm going to cozy up on the couch w/ the kitties and finishing watching the godfather trilogy. currently i'm on disc two of part two - michael just read his statement at the mafia hearings. i love the godfather - cinamagrahic (sp?) brillance.

icky sex

every time i find out a woman is pregnant i automatically imagine her having sex with her husband (or turkey baster if she's a lesbain). this isn't good - actually, it's disgusting. i just found out a coworker was prego... it happened again, i AUTOMATICALLY imagined her on her back *shiver* you know the rest.

oddly enough, whenever i find out from a guy that his wife is pregnant i NEVER imagine him having sex with his wife which is really too bad - i have a lot of really cute guy-friends.

cute bus guy update...

there IS NO update on cute bus guy - i haven't seen him on the bus (or downtown) for over a week now. =(

dash and i were talking at church last night and she told me that she reads my blog!!! how cool! then she caught me off guard by saying "i want to know who cute bus guy is." all i could say was "ME TOO!!!"

i don't know why i haven't seen him for over a week, but i have a few ideas:

• idea #1 - he's gone on vacation. as i type, he's laying on a beach in mexico crying his eyes out because i'm not there next to him. he probably can't even enjoy his vacation without me there - i'm sure he's thinking of me daily.
  
  
• idea #2 - he fell the other day and broke his leg and hasn't been able to go to work for a week because of the pain. he's terribly sad that he can't see me and will go to the coffee shop tonight to drown his sorrows in java. i'll see him tonight when i'm at the coffee shop and we'll run [he'll hobble] into each other's arms and kiss like cute bus guy and i should. (this one's my favorite)
  
  
• idea #3 - he moved or got a new job and will no longer be taking the 53. oh god, no... that one is too painful to think about...
  
  
• idea #4 - i'm out of ideas. well, i'm really not, i just want to spare you, my reader from my silly junior high rantings about a boy.

*sigh*

*sigh*

well, i did it. i took the gre yesterday and got scores that pass my grad school requirements (450's)!

on my verbal i didn't hit my [personal] goal but got higher than expected (540 - 64th percentile) and my quantitative i got way higher than i expected (690 - though it's only 69th percentile).

now all i have to do is submit my application and i'll be done with this process!!! i've given myself a deadline of march 15 to submit my application - i'm on task!

soon i can focus on getting a downtown condo!

sweet -n- sour slop

11:34am - chinese buffet, DAMN good buffet.

1:03pm - boring meeting. pick my nails to pass the time... what the hell? how'd i get sweet -n- sour sauce stuck to the palm of my hand??? discretely scrape it off.

1:22pm - same boring meeting. is it 2pm yet? look at watch, crips! more sweet -n- sour?!?!? this time it's in the middle of my watch face, gotta lick my finger to rub it off. jebus.

1:48pm - damnit already, is this meeting over yet? check my crotch to see how it looks in these jeans... holy jebus cripes! glob o' dried sweet -n- sour on the leg of my pants. try to discretely scrape it off but end up rubbing it into my pants more. man oh man.

3:30pm - hit watch on a file cabinet on the way to the w.c. look at watch to make sure it's ok... come ON! glob of freakin' sweet -n- sour on the band of my watch! what the freakin' HELL is wrong with me !?!?

i swear... if i find any on my winkie when i'm going to the bathroom i'm quitting for the day and going home early.

cute-guys-go-to-the-dentist day

i swear yesterday was cute-guys-should-go-to-the-dentist day. i mean, my dentist office was crawling with freakin' gorgeous guys, young, but gorgeous.

funny thing...

i was walking down the hall to my "cleaning" room with my nurse and i got distracted by a really really cute guy in one of the rooms laying in his chair. i spent too much energy staring at him that i ran into a nurse walking down the other side of the hall - busted.

fat [drunk] tuesday

don't talk too loud to me today, i accidentally drank seven beers last night.

happy lent.

jebus what a day

i don't know what it is. maybe it's the sun being out, or the fact that it's almost 40 outside, or maybe the planets are just in the right positions - but my team is completely crazy today. here's a list of topics that have randomly erupted out of the semi-work atmosphere that we've been struggling to maintain today.

• building homemade solar panels
  
• building homemade non-nuclear hydrogen bombs
  
• sadness over the ceased production of dark chocolate m&ms
  
• which person on our team would be most likely to move to chicago (for the team) and live in a hi-rise condo on lake michigan (i won)
  
• the difference between a big animal vet and a small animal vet
  
• jewish vets working on ash wednesday
  
• what's being given up (or taken on) for lent
  
• the seven deadly sins
  
• which of the seven deadly sins to give up during lent
  
• banana runts
  
• nutella
  
• the gre
  
• driving while drinking out of a flask

i'm tired.

outta the loop

i'm just not fitting in lately. every day i come into work and people spend company time discussing the tv shows that they follow on a weekly, or (god forbid) daily, basis. they chitter-chatter about like housewives discussing soap operas, only it's corporate american middle-class citizens discussing shows like survivor, gray's anatomy, or *ugh* american idol.

i just put my headphones on and work. i mean, all i'd be able to discuss is how gorgeous of a day it was yesterday, or how much fun i had with my friends watching a movie and having pizza on friday, or how i was moved by an amazing church service on sunday, or how crazy the snelling/hwy 36 retail cluster-fuck is, or how excited i am about my new knitting project (i'm sucessfully purling!!!).

*shrug*

i guess i just don't have a life.

there's hope

every two years i see our planet come together to celebrate it's only world-wide tradition. a tradition the spans time, age, religion, and nationality, a tradition that is carefully and artistically carried forth, a tradition that bring us all together in a planet-wide wish for peace. a tradition that i think we do pretty damn well.

every two years i see a planet that has hope for our future and that, in itself, gives me hope.

thanks for that hope, torino - and good luck beijing, vancouver, and london - see you soon.

achey breaky skin

what a messed-up night last night - sleeping wise that is. in an attempt to guarantee that i sleep (unlike sunday night) i took two melatonin pills at 9, by 10 i was more than ready to snooze. but a mix of really strange dreams and body aches kept me miserably tossing and turning till 3am. yeah, body aches! my skin actually hurt, you know like when you have the flu? it was horrible. my room it 61 degrees (i like it cold) but i was sweating and flopping all over unable to get rid of my horribly reaccuring dreams. they weren't horrible dreams, just horribly REACCURING dreams - miserable.

finally at 2:45 i got out of bed and drank some milk (i'm always the thirstiest for milk in the middle of the night) and then smudged my room. it seemed appropriate, i mean, i had no reason not to be sleeping - it had to be bigger. well, i was right. after smudging i layed down on my bed and almost instantly fell into a most restful sleep.

on a lighter note, i got to sit next to cute bus guy again this morning = ) he's so cute...

now what am i to do?

i'm off today. a first true attempt at a whole day focused on the most important things in my life right now, studying for the gre and writing the statements for my grad school application.

the cats are also freaking out. they need sunlight and i've blocked it out for now. it's -5 outside (-32 wind chill) and to keep my place as warm as possible i've closed all the shades and pulled all the curtains. it was working very well until i got up and opened a few shades 1/2 way for the cats to get some light, my apartment is already getting cold from that miniscule action.

the gut reaction for today would be to stay in, drink coffee all day, curl up on the couch w/ the cats and watch golden girls... i could get laundry done, clean a little, get caught up on friend's blogs, and probably do my fair share of buying music and videos on itunes. but i can't. i need to focus and need to get my ass in gear. i can do all those things tomorrow, today is for school.

so if you're a friend of mine and are reading this on friday, please call me to see what i'm doing. if i'm not at the coffee shop and i don't have a good excuse - please harp on me... getting back into "school mode" is turning out to be quite challenging = )

myers briggs bs

i just took the myers-briggs again with my team at work. it's the fourth time i've take in it in my life and the results are different every time - the last time i took it was about five years ago.

usually i love personality-ish tests, this time i was just irritated and miserable. the entire time i felt like my answering these questions was for the sole purpose of putting me into a box that would make it easier for myself, my coworkers, and the world to make sense of me. hell, if i can't make sense of me - why is it fair that everyone else should be able to?

and as for that damn box... my life has changed in the way that i no longer want to fit in a box, i take pride in the fact that my life changes and that my thoughts are fluid and that my spirituality grows via cosmic orgasmic fertilizer and not books or words by "enlightened souls" that are no more enlightened than any other human being on this celestial sphere. *sigh* i'm sick of convention, i'm sick of pretention, and i'm sick of republicans.

i just want to live and grow and deepen and enlighten - is that too much to ask of life?

dreams o' pleasure

i don't dream sex. it's just not something the universe has deemed necessary in my life (which i'd like to dispute). but lately i've been having more and more risque dreams - and some have been quite detailed. unfortunately my new husband hasn't been in them (yummy).

but last night it was a coworker, and a mighty fine coworker if that. but the dreams tend to have the same plot: i notice a really cute guy; i decide cute guy is too cute or "probably straight" for me; cute guy skips making moves, flirting, and the sort and jumps right into it; i can't believe this is happening and i decide we need to move to a more private place or at least someplace where we can be alone; we search and search, he keeps trying to mess around w/ me and i keep giving a little up but still focusing most of my energy on getting someplace where i can give it my full effort; eventually the dream ends because i've exhausted my resources and everything fizzles into the air - how disappointing.

maybe tonight i'll just say screw it, if you're going to start it here, lets do it right here in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store. = )

being a whore is hard work

i whore myself out to four coffee shops - two during the work day and two on nights and weekends. the two at night really don't count since i go to one about 80% of the time and the other only when i don't have cash or i'm hungry (because they take cards and serve AMAZING hummus pita sandwiches).

during the day, though, my coffee breaks really are a whoring ordeal. i always stop at steep -n- brew on the walk to work from my bus - their coffee is amazing and the barista, juliana, is a gorgeous asian woman who loves me and greets me by name daily. i, then, usually go to caribou once or twice a week in the afternoons for "sweet" coffees like caramel lattes or mochas - this is only done a couple times a week mainly because of the $$$ involved and the fact that i don't need all that sugar (i have a figure to maintain, you know).

well, this morning i decided to get a second cup of steep -n- brew coffee because of... well... you know about last night. on the way back, the barista in caribou saw my "non-'bou" cup and gave me a very shocked and then disappointed look. all could do is rub my tummy in a "yummy" motion.

friend-charlie turned to me and said "tom, you're a coffee whore."

my reply was simple, "yes... yes i am."

vd

i just think it's hillarious that the abbreviation for this day is the same as the abbreviation for an std.

i don't hate vd, really. but when people start talking about it all love-dovey and crap i usually pipe-in with a comment that hints to my animosity towards it. why do i do this? i dunno, i think it has to do with fact that in the middle of a vd conversation the other person typically expects me to be a bitter, single, fag - i guess i just decide it's easier to stoop tp their low expectations than try to convince them that, no, really, i don't hate this day.

but, truly, today has been a decent day. at work they announced a 9% bonus and almost better than that, golden girls season 4 came out on dvd today.

i think too many people rely on other people's declaration of love in order to convince them that they, too, should love themselves - i for one say fuck that. i love myself plenty and i don't need anyone else for that validation.

true, i'd LOVE a boyfriend on this day, but without one i'm not going to bitch - hell, i've had a super evening. why - you ask? well let me tell you what i did this evening and i'll let YOU decide = )

i got home and cracked open a most amazing bottle of 1995 chateau les graves de viaud cotes di bourg. i drank a glass while finishing the dishes and then went to target to get some stuff. on the way home i got good ol' taco bell and came home. i proceeded to watch the first few episodes of golden girls season 4 while continuing to drink my cotes de bourg. by the time i was about 3 drinks away from finishing the bottle, my friends from upstairs called and i went up and watched some HOT figure skaters (i'll leave the details for another blog) and then we went to the front porch to share a vd cig. and now i'm here talking about my super night [mostly] by myself drinking a bottle of wine and watching gg's.

who needs a man?

i think i'm going to go pass out now.

happy vd folks.

faure faux pax

my boss just caught me "air directing" faure's requiem at my desk.

...

yeah, i guess that's all i can say about that.

*sheepish grin*

office conversation

john - hey tom, you're one of the people on your team who support informatica, right?

me - yeah

john - well, there's an informatica conference coming up in may and my area doesn't have the money to send me, they're saving all their money for java conferences. i talked to another area and they can't send anyone either. we really want someone to go to this conference, would your area have the time or money to send someone?

me - yeah, we have conference money budgeted this year and we're trying to figure out where to use it. where's the conference?

john - san francisco.

me - hey, i'm in! that's like mecca for me, i mean, after going there i could die fulfilled!

john - hey, yeah, you're right. you'd definately have a leg-up on the competition.

me - uh...

john - *deep red* uuuuuuh... um... no pun intended...

wpm

so i'm filling-out my grad school application and filled-in that i type at 85 wpm. this is pretty freakin' cool considering i was the top typer in my typing class in high school at 30 wpm - i've improved by 283%!!!

yay for me.

death becomes her

this week i created a playlist on my ipod called "death becomes her." it consists of songs that document either 1)the death of the singer or 2)the death of the singer's friends. here's the list of the deaths that are document (with their singers in parens):

evita (evita - evita)

the friends of mary (mary - the beautiful game)

the friends of marius (marius - les miserable)

jean valjean (jean valjean, fantine, cosette, marius, eponine - les miserables)

eponine (eponine, marius - les miserables)

fantine (fantine, jean valjean - les miserables)

aida and radames (aida and radames - aida)

mimi (mimi - la boheme)

mimi (roger - rent)

angel (tom - rent)

don quixote (don quixote, sancho, dulcenea, priest - man of lamancha)

kim (kim and chris - miss saigon)

elphaba (elphaba and glinda - wicked)

judy garland (peter and liza - boy from oz)

sarah (coalhouse and company - ragtime)

mornings

i'm kinda lookin' cute today. i'm also in a really really good mood. i was standing at the bus stop this morning listening to the new "omaha" playlist i made on my ipod (GREAT songs from my years in oma-hole). i was just jammin' at the bus stop, enjoying the music, enjoying the GORgeous 30-degree weather, liking that i was looking good and feeling good, and i all of a sudden noticed a lady in the passenger seat of a car sitting in front of me at the light... she was just looking at me with a grin on her face. i smiled at her with my best "life is good" smile and then my bus pulled up and blocked her from my view.

i hope i passed-on a little of my good morning to her.

*sheepish grin*

i'm FINALLY getting the internet at home tonight (thank you comcast). and now my blog will be updated on a regular basis again!

p.s. amber, you are so sweet... i miss you tons.

10 things i DON'T miss about driving to work

10. the variance in my schedule created by the ultimate flexability of not being tied the schedule of someone else (namely, metrotransit).
9. breaking a sweat walking 10 minutes in the sweltering morning heat from my parking lot.
8. being too lazy to walk that healthy 10 minutes and taking the bus, thus making me feel guilty for being a lazy ass for at least 4 seconds.
7. having to talk to people on the bus because... well... you know them.
6. having to be happy with that WAY too happy 8:04 21A bus driver.
5. dumbass drivers.
4. traffic.
3. driving INTO the sun.
2. feeling like a gas guzzling asshole who doesn't care about the environment enough to take one of the two bus routes that go RIGHT BY MY HOUSE into work.
1. driving next to (and battling road rage of) gas guzzling, s.u.v. driving, fishy and bush sticker sticking, non-blinker using, speed-up-so-i-can-get-in-front-of-you-ering, assholes.

i'm so dizzy... i'm so dizzy my head is spinning...

i loved that song as a kid. i'd stand in the living room and spin in circles till i fell on the ground... well... dizzy!

that's kind of how i feel right now actually. between a job thats at high stress-levels, a show that's opening in 2 weeks, not being completely off-book for said show, gas prices over 3 dollars a gallon, and a dumb-ass president and right-wing neo-cons hell-bent on solidifying my sub-human status on this planet -- *sigh* -- i'm... well... dizzy!

but, oh, is life good or what!?!?! i mean, i'm continually blessed by the heavens and am for some reason i'm not reacting too badly to the stress. i find times to relax and i find times to... well... not relax. the only thing really lacking is a sex life, but i guess you can't have everything = )

s.a. all the way

i'm even more so in love with my super america than i've ever been.

besides the fact that they have the CUTEST night manager guy (with the cutest butt) but last night when i went in to pay for my gas (and get my cigs) the guy behind the counter refused to start up a customer's gas pump because he could see (through his binoculars) that he hadn't turned off his engine.

now, i have no idea, but this may be standard protocol for gas station workers, but i just hadn't thought of it till it happened.

I LOVE YOU SUPER AMERICA NIGHT WORKER WHO WORKS WITH THE REALLY CUTE SUPER AMERICA NIGHT MANAGER FOR STOPPING SOME DUMBASS ON LAKE STREET FROM BLOWING ME AND MY MAZDA TO HEAVEN AND BACK!!!

tap -n- grill

LONG-ASS dance rehearsal last night that ended at the tap -n- grill in the maplewood/oakdale area.

four of use went in there and ordered the following:

• 13+ beers
  
• hot wings
  
• cheese nachos
  
• onion rings
  
• two orders of fried cheese curds
  
• a HUGE piece of chocolate cake... no really... it was about 8" tall

total??? $43.

now... usually i'm one to sing the curses of the cesspool i call suburbia... but i just can't find the notes for the song right now. i'm thoroughly impressed with this unique non-big-box suburban bar & grille. huh... $43... i almost crapped my pants when i saw that bill...

booga-booga

there, i said it.

i feel better now.

carmina burana

reminder to all my friends - carmina burana is this saturday at orchestra hall in minneapolis at 8pm. this is the only showing of this amazing piece.

150 voice choir
40 voice boys choir
full minnesota orchestra on extended stage

for those who are unfamiliar with this piece - carmina burana is a bunch of poems that were set to song by karl orff. a majority of the songs are a progression of fate in the lives of extremely horny youth. yes, you saw that right, they're really REALLY horny = )

the piece has some extremely familiar tunes including the opening and closing "oh fortuna" which is considered one of the loudest and most obnoxious pieces of choral/orchestral music ever. the other one is the "tempus est incundo" which will be extremely familiar to yergie! remember in sydney when we sang for that college choir and they sang their "oh... oh... ooooh, totus flore-o" song? the one we sang as a choir over and over and over on the bus??? yeah... carmina burana baby!

this is a kick-ass piece that is very seductive, sexy, obnoxious, and just plain ol amazing. if you're in the cities, you MUST check it out - i guarantee you'll be blown away!

estelle getty and harvey firestein

i just finished reading "torch song trilogy" and have to say that i was pretty impressed.

i also can't stop thinking about how the first part seems to be very much so like a relationship i had a long time ago... oddly enough it went in the same direction and just recently things from the second part started happening too. it kinda caused me to just stop and think for a second about life.

if you haven't read it i would suggest it strongly. it's a really good set of plays that document the relationship between a gay man and his ex-lover, a bi man. some parts were very close to home... others i pray to god i won't have to experience in my life.

1 rant and 1 randomization about mother nature

holy shit it's august.

in high school i heard that the older you get the faster life moves around you. the rationale was that when you're two days old a day makes up 1/2 your life and your perception of that "1/2" life seems pretty long. the older you get, each day becomes less and and less compared to the rest of what you've experienced in life, thus making days and months and years seem insignificantly short.

i couldn't agree more.

i camped this weekend. once again, becoming one with nature is quite possibly one of my favorite past-times (besides talking about dirty raunchy things). i used my new tent and sat around the campfire for hours doing nothing w/ my friend gary. as we were leaving yesterday afternoon we realized that we didn't drink an ounce of the vodka we brought along... well, we played with by spitting it on the fire to see how cool it'd look, but other than that, none got ingested.

and that's what it's all about... letting nature intoxicate you with her amazing ability to subdue all your senses and take you into her arms for a short respite from life as we know it.

we took a short walk to a pier that went into the saint croix river... we watched the stars for 45 minutes or so. we saw 5 shooting starts, 4 satellites, and only 2 aero-planes. what a fantastic feeling, when you've been staring at the stars for so long that when you finally see a plane, you have to double-take because it just looks weird.

ahhhh.

crazy-perfect-hair guy

he rides the #53 at 7:05am every morning and at 4:25pm every afternoon. he gets on at my stop in the morning but gets off 4 blocks before that same stop in the afternoon.

he's one of those riders that is constantly jittery - looking around anxiously, ready to do whatever he's waiting to do 5 minutes before life will allowed him to do it.

he's a professional man. mid 50's. dressed very nicely. he carries a kenneth cole bag. his hair is salt & pepper with a more generous amount of former. his hair always looks tediously (aka, o.c.d.-ish-ly) done. he's crazy-perfect-hair guy.

in the morning, he casually paces in different directions within an invisible 4ft-wide circle. about 2 times a minute he anxiously walks to the middle of the street to see if the bus is coming then hastily comes back to the curb to continue his pacing.

in the afternoon, he gets out of his seat at least 2 blocks or more before his stop which isn't unusual except that there is long stoplight between those two blocks and in the time we are stopped, he again casually paces between the back door of the bus and his seat.

once he even walked to the front of the bus to get off then changed his mind and walked to the back of the bus and used that door instead.

he doesn't look at all crazy or weird - you wouldn't look at him twice if you saw him walking down the street. cliche' time - "it's what's inside that counts" (i.e., he looks normal on the outside but inside he's CA-RAY-ZY!!!).

he doesn't really bother me, but he does make me fairly anxious when i pay attention to him.

people are funny sometimes.

HAY! (straw is cheaper, grass is free - marry a farmer and you get all three!)

ok, this is SO cool! i now know the difference between hay, straw, and grass!!!

• hay
  

  what it is: hay is a combination of alfalfa and grass that is raked into rows on a field and left to dry in the summer sun. once mostly dried, hay is baled.
  

  how it is used: hay is used as feed for animals - it's healthy and hearty!
  

  rough market price: $2.00 a bale

  
  
• straw
  

  what is is: straw is the remains of combined (harvested) oats, wheat, barley, etc. it is mostly stalks and such.
  

  how it is used: straw is not healthy. it is used primarily as bedding for animals and christmas pagents.
  

  rough market price: $.50 a bale

  
  
• grass
  

  what it is: grass grows naturally in fields and some yards. in suburbia it is planted in yards, baseball diamonds, and in over-priced pots at floral shops.
  

  how it is used: grass can be eaten, layed in, rolled on, played on, watered, sexed on, eaten on, cut, and harvested for multch (if you love and care for the earth that you're so fortunate to be living on).
  

  rough market price: free

  
  

so there you go! the difference between hay, straw, and grass. now go impress someone who doesn't read this blog.

the circle of life

yesterday i found out that an ex's uncle died at age 57. normally, this news wouldn't mean too much to me, as a matter of fact, i probably wouldn't care at all. this one was different though.

his uncle was gay. he had a partner. he was the first person most of his family ever knew of to be gay. he was also a figure that my ex looked up to very much. as a gay man, as a gay man in a relationship, as a gay man in a family that had accepted him and his partner.

i haven't really talked to this ex for almost 3 years now, since we broke-up. i still feel bad for the reason he stopped talking to me, but a person can only apologize so many times.

i sent him a card today telling him how sad i was to hear the news, and to wish him well.

as i sealed the card i had an overwhelming wave of sadness come over me.

i hope i hear from him again some day - i'd really like to patch things up between him and i.

ahhh

WOW!

last night i meditated and did a realignment ritual... what a difference! this morning i can't explain how much better i feel, so much more whole and put-together!

i woke up early and have been quite on the ball so far, i mean, it's only 8:59 and i've already worked on and completed two projects here at work!

oh, and as a side note, the soundtrack to the charlie & the chocolate factory kicks some major ass. i mean it. go see the movie, it's hillarious and so visually/audibly stimulating. the cool thing was that it didn't seem to want to compete with the gene wilder version of the movie... the movies are the same but oh so different... major props to tim burton on this one!

facts about my day so far...

• i woke up at 6:45 this morning
  
• i forgot my xcel energy bill at home so i can't set it up on auto bill pay now
  
• i'm tired, although i wasn't really up late
  
• i shaved this morning
  
• i just finished chewing a jawbreaker
  
• i'm pretty sure i have a.d.d.
  
• there was a really hot guy in the cafeteria today at lunch, the girls and i especially like his arms and his butt
  
• i haven't had any caffeine yet today
  
• i don't want to go to rehearsal tonight, i just want to sit at home and drink and smoke and watch porn
  
• well, not really drink, smoke, and watch porn... just the... well... yeah, i guess i meant all three
  
• my energy is NOT aligned very well today, as a matter of fact, i feel horribly unaligned right now... i should meditate or something when i get home to get my mind in the right place again
  
• i just got windows xp service pak 2!!! i'm really excited about this... and the sad part of it all is that i'm actually, factually excited, not just shitting for blog purposes
  
• i'm going to get coffee, screw this = )
  

html

i'm in an html/javascripting class right now and i'm learn-ding a ton of really cool new shit. don't be surprised if i all of a sudden start going crazy on my blog... whoo hoo!!!

the original summer adventure

"GARAGE SALES!!!" said my extremely excited friend on saturday morning. "GARAGE SALES EVERYWHERE!!! i didn't go to any so that we could go together." how thoughtful of him.

thus began our 5 hour garage sale romp.

most people wander across a garage sale sign and then hesitantly stop. others who are crazy plan out their day by reading the paper and plotting out a route, we were the craziest of all garage salers... we just drove till we found one. sure, it doesn't sound crazy, but try driving up and down streets for 1/2 hour looking for something that may or may not exist anywhere nearby. but the greatest thing about THIS version of the garage saling day is that you happen across neighborhoods that you've never seen before... how FUN!

my garage sales finds on 7/16/05:

camping stove
brand new, untouched, unassembled, in original box
$10 WHAT A DEAL!!!

misc pottery
the cutest bud vase a very nice blue vase and a hand made cup. the blue vase came w/ a story of how the owner watched the potter make it in waikiki
$12

misc books and a ceramic cross
random classics and books i've been wanting to read and a very cute ceramic cross that looks quite fresh above my bedroom door (more on that later though)
$3.50

cup and saucer set (8 pc)
oh my GOD! the CUTEST seafoam green milk-glass cup and saucer set for 8. the PERFECT antique ending to a meal AND they'll look FABU with my pure white place settings!!!
$15 A TOTAL STEAL!

total spent: $40.50

so there you have it, kids. my garage saling days for this last weekend. i'll be sure to let you know of future adventures = )

ringtones

most people think of specially-downloaded ringtones on cellphones as one of those becoming-more-frequent trendy and expensive annoyances in everyday life. you know, teenagers spending mom and dad's well-earned cash on unnecessary clips of britany or another slutty singer just to be cool.

i for one, though, think of them as totally different. yes, i've bought 3 (count them, 3) ringtones in the 6+ years i've had a cellphone. rather than being trendy, i choose to put these ringtones on my phone because every time i hear them i go on a walk down memory lane... every time i get a call i feel all warm inside because of the tones i've picked-out.

ringtone #1 - the theme from fraggle rock - yes! fraggle rock! one of my FAVORITE shows as a kid... just the sound of the theme song makes me smile and sing.

ringtone #2 - blue (eiffel 65). remember that semi-annoying disco song from the millennium-change-up days? THOSE were my out days, my days at the disco, the days with my friends at the club, to me this song is me at the max with my hands thrown to the heavens, drunker than my boyfriend the alcoholic, wishing these moments to never end.

ringtone #3 - the theme from neverending story. this one i just bought last night. one of the movies that my sisters, and whole family actually, watched over and over and over. we LOVED to sing the theme song and put other words to it, for instance: "never-ending stinky feet, ahhhhhhhhhh... never-ending stinky feet, ahhhhhhhh"

you see, the warmth i get every time a friend calls is so cool.

at $1.99/tone... 3 tones... $5.97 is worth it to me.

warm fuzzies

isn't it amazing how life flies by you - i mean, it's march one second and then it's june. it's like, what the hell!?!?! where did april and may go? i want my 2nd quarter back dammit!

*grin*

so this last weekend (memorial day) was one of the funnest weekends i've had in years. my [first] ex and his softball team came down from seattle for the big northstar classic softball tournament (gay leagues).

WHAT A BLAST!!!

not only did i excessively drink on friday, saturday, sunday, and monday - but i got to watch amazing softball matches and see some really killer bodies.

randy's team (aka, the ex's team) won first place in their [b] division!!! and the other seattle team won first in their [d] division!!! S-E-A-T-T-L-E, SEATTLE!!! SEATTLE!!!

in addition to all of this i also got to spend some quality time w/ randy. we have a special story actually, we're each other's first boyfriends, and consequently each other's firt ex too = ) after breaking-up, geeze, almost 6 years ago now, we lived together for 1.5 years still - to this day, he's still one of my closest friends, and the only ex that i'm still really good friends with.

and there's always a tiny part of your heart that belongs to them. even though there's not a frickin' OUNCE of desire to be back together with them, you still look at them and grin remembering about all you've been through together.

it's a true blessing that randy and i have such a strong friendship after all these years - we've been there for each other in some really tough times (like break-ups and moving) and some really good times (like babies, engagements, and dancing to the bee gee's just the other day at the memorial day bbq).

weekends like this are few and far between - but when they come, i'm glad i'm able to sit back and truly appreciate them.

hi

i really don't have anything to say.

the cheap and tawdry sideshow starts-up tomorrow.

verdi's requiem is in a few weeks.

i'm teaching today.

i have my church directory picture tomorrow.

i'm ready for a vacation that is destined to not happen.

i need a haircut.

more to come, i promise... man, this blog is lame-o lately = )

songs for the spirit

in december of this past year, my heart was deeply touched by a jason and demarco concert at all gods children mcc here in minneapolis.

i remember listening to their "songs for the spirit" cd almost the entire way back to omaha for christmas. i also remember driving through rural nebraska, merely 10 miles from the christian university that hurt me so much, singing songs i never thought i'd sing again and that made me sob because of an amazing feeling of finally reaching the place where i could sing songs of praise to god without feeling the slightest bit of guilt or pain or condemnation.

in those moments, i was not only one with the spirit but all was truly well with my soul.

i listened to this cd again today at work and was amazed at how the music touched me so powerfully again. i found myself crying tears of joy and thanking god for never leaving me through the years of trial that i've been through. i also found myself praising him in my own way for proving to me that no matter what happens in this world around me and no matter how blind some people may be, the truth powerfully lies in this foundational truth: sometimes god chooses to display himself to us simply through his actions rather than through his words.

no, i'm not dead

i'm just a little stressed-out.

the last 10 days or so have included going into work early, staying late, dreaming about it at night, and, now, working on saturdays.

i know it sounds very unlike me to even spend a few seconds every day to use company resources to put my random ramblings out on the web, but if my lack of posting is any proof, i'm actually, factually busy - not just pulling it out of my ass.

proof - i had two totally fucked-up dreams this last week... note, i NEVER dream, and when i do, i never remember them aftwards... this is true proof that i'm stressed.

dream #1 - i was a mafia hit man "for hire." which basically meant i wasn't part of the mafia, they just hired me to kill people for them... my code name was "BIG FISH"... yes, with the caps and all.

dream #2 - i had sex with a female co-worker. i know... ew. no more description is necessary, point taken.

i promise i'll write, or try to write, more this next week. as a matter of fact, i teach on tuesday and wednesday which almost guarantees that i'll have a tad bit of time during class activities to "play" online = )

have a super weekend everyone!

am i a bad homo?

today is outfront minnesota's glbt lobby day and 'gathering' at the capital to protest the impending marriage ammendment.

i work 5 block from the capital and i'm not going.

i'm emotionally exhausted. i'm 'marriage ammendment depressed'. i'm tired of protesting the inevitable. and i'm sick-to-my-stomach and have zero-tolerance for absolutly anyone who remotely acts like they are not sure how they feel about gay marriage when their 'unsure' feelings aren't based in religion.

i guess i'm just at the point where i don't want to think about it anymore. it seriously makes me want to cry... you know, when a co-worker who has a gay brother-in-law with a long-time partner says that he's not sure what he thinks about gay marriage. or when someone calls me a friend and then says that the oppose it.

i just don't understand it...

the game of life

every once in a while when i'm bored (usually when i'm sitting on the toilet and i don't have anything to read) i play a little game... i pull all the change out of my pocket and look at the years on the coins, then i try to remember what i was doing at this time during that year. here are the results of today's game:

1996 dime
april 1996 - rexford, kansas - 17 years old
it's april... one month till graduation and then i'll be free! i'll be going to college at grace university in omaha, nebraska... i'm so excited!!! i'm probably going to major in pastoral ministries or music, i haven't decided yet. i'm 3rd in my graduating class... i just found this out. turns out the top three in my class were all about 1/100th of a point apart, i was really hoping that i could be validictorian or salutitorian, but oh well, soon i'll be out of here and living in the big city living with other christians who desire to be in ministry as much as i do.

1998 quarter
april 1998 - omaha, nebraska - 19 years old
it's april... one month and my college choir will be heading out for a month-long tour down the eastern coast of australia!!! it'll be my second trip to austraila and i'm totally stoked because i'll be able to go to sydney which i didn't do the first trip there. it's my sophomore year in college and a busy one. this year i became a part of the "elite" musical group, the ambassadors. there's five of us that tour around the midwest and sing at churches to advertize our school, it's a ton of fun, excellent experience, and all around a blessing to my spiritual life.

2001 dime
april 2001 - woodbury, minnesota - 22 years old
it's april... six months ago i moved up here to the twin cities to start a new job and to move in with my wonderful boyfriend, brian. just a month ago we bought a townhome in woodbury, a suburb of the twin cities. i also just bought a piano, a beautiful ebony upright yamaha... amazing sound, i love her so much. i'm doing the bulk of the moving-in this weekend because brian's on a ski trip w/ some college buddies, next weekend we'll move all the big stuff in a truck. we recently found an amazing church, mount olive lutheran in south minneapolis. we've been going there since december, i'm sure we'll be going there for a while too, we really like it there, it's strengthened both of our spiritual lives in amazing ways.

current time, no coin, just the vantage point from which i view my life
april 2005 - saint paul, minnesota - 26 years old
it's april... for the first time in many aprils there's not much going on in my life. i'm single, i'm still teaching, and i'm looking to buy a house this fall/winter. my spiritual life has flourshed as i've become more and more involved with my church, not only do i attend and read occasionally, but i'm now also an adult acolyte and an assistant minister. my life has changed SO much since april 1996, but i can confidently say that i'm in the best april of my life so far... life moves fast around you and things change. i don't even remember what my graduation gpa was, i have been separated from brian for over 2 years now, and i'm selling the piano i just paid-off (mainly because mom and dad gave me the family piano and i have no need for two).

its fun to look back... play the game... you'll be amazed at how easy and difficult it can be to look back on your life - but almost 100% of the time it's rewarding.

happy monday!

pope dreams...

first of all, i couldn't fall asleep last night. i could have been the coffee i had at 8pm, or it could have simply been that i wasn't tired - either way, i couldn't sleep.

i was really excited about my new down comforter and the really cool red duvet i got this weekened too - my bed feels so different, so cozy, so warm.

then when i finally did start to doze i was thirsty, or hungry (i didn't eat dinner last night), or i had to go to the bathroom. i even got up at midnite and watched tv, i can't even remember what i watched.

i think i was sleeping later in the night when the strangest dream came to me... i was hangin' out with the cardinals in rome, you know, picking-out a new pope. i was starting to get really friendly with this one guy (not in a gay way, in a very buddy-buddy way, although he WAS very cute), and wouldn't you know it... he got chosen to be the next pope!

the facinating thing, though, was the demeanor behind the scenes in the vatican. the cardinals weren't all "oh, holy art thou, we much choose a holy father from our ranks, lets be all solemn and holy-ish..."

no!

instead, they were all, "hey! how are doin?" "man, i haven't seen you like, forever!"

and when my new friend became the new pope, everyone was cheering and like going crazy like in the lockerroom of the super bowl winners... and this was just the cardinals!

it was really cool though, i was, like SO excited that i was there and a part of this new pope thing... my new friend (who happened to be the new pope also) turned around and even gave me a special blessing for being his friend... i knelt before him and bowed my head, and we all laughed and giggled because we were so excite that this guy was the new pope!

i just remember thinking that i was SO cool, i mean, the pope was a friend of mine!

i know... what a strange dream! and i'm not even catholic!!!

the gateway to change

a flash lights the bluish-grey mist-filled sky as another speedily follows it, causing the people in the room to stop their banter and simultaneously turn toward the window.

everyone knows each other's thoughts, but none speak until the understood alotted time.

an enormous cluster-fuck of sound fills the sky as many of the people in the room hear the season's first clap of resounding midwestern thunder pierce and rumble everything in sight.

"huh, that one was close," one of them says.

thus the cycle continues while accomodating evolution itself.

gone are the days of "looks like the drive home'll be slow," and "ya, i heard duluth's gettin', ya know, like 21 inches... geeze."

ushered-in are the days of "yeah, dat thunder woke up the dogs last night... had to take them out to go... ya know," and "wow, shure looks nice out there, wish i was bladin' around the lakes."

green replaces white.

sunblock replaces scarves and gloves.

the trails replace the gym.

and beers on the porch replace wine in front of the fireplace.

life as we know it, once again, moves outdoors, where we become one family enjoying the beauty of earth's majesty.

then the fucking mosquitos come out and make us all wish it was winter again.

*sigh*

the circle of life continues...

son of a...

BITCH!

this stupid blogger sight hasn't let me post to my stupid blog for 2 days now... those stupid stupid-holes.

let's see if this one goes through...

you heard it from me

yeah, my latest prediction/conspiracy theory:

on good friday (today) both the pope and terri schiavo are going to die. well, if not today, this weekend.

how dramatic would that be!?!?!

i mean, you could say, "i remember where i was when the world lost an ailing pope who hated gays and when the united states lost their heart-breaking battle to stick their noses in the business of dying citizens."

it would be like when reagan died and a large chunk of the country was like "oh my god... how will life EVER go on... quick, we need to name something after him." and the world was like "huh, another dead leader... lucky fucking americans, their leaders die of natural causes or old age... we have one die every fort-night because of radical political ass-holes, poor, poor bitches those americans."

*sigh*

god bless the united states of we-have-no-idea-how-nice-we-have-it-and-still-we-have-to-complain-until-every-person-believes-the-same-way-as-we-radicals-do-and-all-faggots-are-condmned-to-a-life-of-second-class-citizenry.

and contrary to the way this posting looks, i'm actually in a fanTASTIC mood today!!! it's GORgeous outside and its friday, how could it get any better than this???

don't answer that please = )

HAPPY SUPER-JESUS WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!

four non-blogs

[i assume] unlike most of my blogger friends, i don't have a huge list of blogs that i read on a daily basis nor display on my personal blog - i get off quite fine with the 10 or so that wander into and out of my life.

but lately i've noticed that there are about four blogs that just don't get updated often (or at all) and it makes me sad.

these four non-blogs get me all excited every morning (for that's when i read all my blogs) and then slowly let me down when i see distinguishable characteristics of postings i've previously read, i say a cuss under my breath and then move on to the next blog that's listed in my favorites... its sad.

"what SHALL i do?" i ask myself, and then i realize that i'm at work and the answer is obvious. shite... time to actually put company resources to work for them.

*shrug*

consider the source.

ugh

this

day

is

mo-

ving

so

slow-

ly

it

feels

like

its

ne-

ver

go-

ing

to

end.

*sigh*

blog changes!

hey followers of nakachunkoff = )

i'm making a change to my blog today... from now on, only registerred users of "blogger.com" can post comments to my blog.

clarification: you don't have to have a blog w/ blogger, just be registerred with them. it's quick and it's easy.

i don't care if the comment is positive or negative, building me up or tearing me down... i just think it's a courteous adult principle to tell people their opinions directly to someone rather than thru and "anonymous face".

thanx! and happy spring!

tom's chicago ramblings (from chicago)

things i've done so far in chicago:

spertus museum of judacia

navy pier

chicago institute of arts

habatat gallery

a whole slew of other galleries that were around habatat (10 to be exact)

chicago museum of contemporary arts (permanent collection was in, the entire museum was the "universal experience"

smith museum of stained glass windows

shopped the magnificient mile (michigan avenue), bought a FABU new zipper hoodie at h&m

had martinis at gentry while listening to the beautiful piano

yes, and i went to steamworks (as a matter of fact, i'm there now, so ***pbthhhh***)

eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat

smoke

watch cartoon network and the food network (GOD how i miss them)

things i can't WAIT for when i get home

see my cats

sleep in my bed

my pillow... my pillow

believe it or not, i'm excited to get back to work... yeah, i must be coming down with something

my own shampoo, my own shower, my own water, my own food... me me me

see my friends

HOLY WEEK!!!

check my email = ) oh, wait, i'm online now... i can check it now!!!

well folks, that about sums it up! i'm less than 24 hours from being home and i can already say that this was beyond a sucessful vacation... SO relaxing and nice to be alone to do what i want when i want for however long i want and with the person i want to to it with the most, myself. maybe being single isn't that bad afterall (for a tad bit o' time at least).

see ya'll soon!!!

*smooch*

random ramblings

closing weekend is a strange juxtoposition of thoughts and feelings. any sadness gets wiped away when you strike the set.

the longer you do shows the less you're sad to see shows end, that is, unless it pays = )

sushi kicks ass, but it really sucks that we live live in the middle of the country.

jen isn't bitter, she's just horny... really horny.

random gorgeous days in the middle of winter are so cool.

joke: where can it be 56 one day and blizzard-ish the next? oh wait... that's not a joke, that's normalicy in minnesota.

drunk karoke... need i say more?

be wary of co-workers who love it when you rave about how hot their husbands are.

stay away from pot holes, they'll fuck up your car in .3 seconds flat.

the week before vacation is kinda rough... so much anticipation.

meeting strangers and having a drunkenly-awesome time is SOOO cool!!!

hope everyone had a super weekend!

isn't it...

well, the chicago trip has finally been finalized. thank GOD, i'm sick and tired to hell of thinking about it obsessively.

march 13 - 16 i'll be in the windy city letting my hair down, shopping with a sudden influx of money, sleeping with whatever i want to, smoking whatever i want, and drinking martinis from strangers.

and check out my digs while i'm there... fuckin' awesome!!!

humbling moment

i just read an incredible posting at joe. my. god. (katie, if you think i write well, read a little by joe... my postings look like shit compared to his).

but anyway - when i finished reading this amazing blog (which most of his are) i had just the most sad and depressing feeling (perhaps it was the fact that i was also listening to the new air supply cd at the time). i mean, it just seemed to reemphasize that every single fucking person on this planet has his/her own battles that they are fighting. i'm sorry - even the most confident and put-together person has something deep down inside that just eats at them, some are just better at hiding it than others.

it also challenged me to rethink my reactions towards others. we're in this together, we're all floating on the same planet in the same universe, we're all hurting, and we all need to live together. just like when i got my second cat... they didn't like each other very much, but there was absolutly nothing they could do unless i made an executive decision to get rid of one of them (like hell...). we're in the same boat, we're all on this ball together unless the heavens choose to separate us, and i don't think that'll be happening any time soon.

man, its at moments like this that i am reminded of my absolute devotion to air supply.

an anniversary

this week is me and my ipod's 1 year anniversary.

currently she has 3810 songs on her, and she's still as wonderful as the first day i met her.

we crossed paths at nebraska furniture mart in omaha in the last week of february, 2004. she was beautiful, relaxed, white, and willing... i was an emotional mess, desperate for retail therapy, blue as could be, and willing as well. i broke down and swept her into my arms. we made sweet, sweet, musical love as i burned cd after cd onto her in the next few weeks/months, resulting in a most wonderful love-child of perpetual continuous random music that i knew i'd always love an cherish... never a moment wasted... never a dollar missed.

a year has gone by and her lovely sister just got introduced to the world... although she's tempting, i must stay with my first love. we know each other so well and have this connection that is almost supernatural; i long for her, and she puts-out.

that's the most romantic and fulfilling relationship i've had in the past year... and i wouldn't give it up for the world.

i love you ipod *hug*

awesome weekend!!!

i had a super-awesome weekend!!!

first of all, the show opened with great success!!! people LOVE it! the pioneer press was there on saturday and gave us a rave review. but i'm a little peeved at them right now... those FUCKERS require you to register with your name, ADDRESS, PHONE NUMBER, and other shit just to look at more than one article... like HELL i'm going to give a newspaper my address. well, anyway, the link goes to the review... hopefully you won't have to register if you only read it once = )

i also stayed the night at the haunted palace theatre in saint paul! what an amazing experience. the place is almost 100 years old and is condemned... but what a cool building. we climbed around and got dirty and were cold and drank lots of wine and sang on stage and saw ghosts and slept and ate breakfast and then went home. such a fun time.

i didn't get to any of my laundry, but hell, it's worth it to be stinky for a day = )

to my readers

my blog is here for the sole purpose of being an outlet for my ramblings... a place where those who care can take a look into my life... where those who don't care can just click on by.

i love politics and religion, but i would prefer to keep both off of my blog. find me in person and i'll talk your socks off about how big of a fuck-face george w. bush is, or how assinine the social security reform is, or how ass-whipped the organized church is... but on my blog i'm in my other universe. the one in my head that allows me to imagine what life will be when tolerance, love, compassion, true care, and true humanity rule.

fresc, i love you dearly, so i've taken your posting to heart and put it in a separate posting... to read fresc's posting about a real jack-ass comment i got last week, you can read it here.

as for me... well... tonight is the preview of my play, tomorrow is the opening... i think we're ready, if i can only get some sleep and rest = )

*hugs*

proud papa

so, i updated my catster account today! you can now see both of my cats from my side bar under "my life in websites"

enjoy!

thursday ramblings

it is a most disconcerting moment when you are going to the bathroom and notice that your underwear are inside out. i mean, it's weird because up to that moment all seemed fine and dandy then all of a sudden your world has flipped poles and you can actually FEEL a difference "down there." what was perfectly comfortable for the last 5 hours is different, it's unnerving, it's downright uncomfortable. all you can think of for the rest of the day is how in the HELL did this happen and how soon can get it back to normal so as to save yourself any more discomfort.

and then there's the fact that everyone stares at you like they know something is wrong but don't want to offer you help.

the basic goodness of mankind has diminished.

an open letter

to argus:

why are you so concerned about the way i live my backdoor-desiring-life? does it affect the way you sleep at night... does it cause you to look at the cucumbers at the grocery store differently... or is it perhaps the fact that you are so insecure about yourself (read: you have a stick up your tight, virgin, ass) that when someone comes along that is actually enjoying life and basking in it's everyday blessings you just can't stand it.

let me suggest that the next time you desire to rant and rave in the way you just did that you remember these three things:

1) i don't give a flying fuck what you think (and most likely no one else does either).
2) if you don't like the way i live my life, then don't read about it in my blog.
and
3) if most fun thing you can find to do on a wednesday afternoon in february is to read through an entire gay man's blog simply to confirm your suspicion that he is a "pansy", then maybe you should invest in some porn or a dildo or something... make use of your time, don't waste mine.

and now look... you made me waste an entire blog on your un-warranted, weak, homophobic, trashy, (and most likely closeted) rantings.
*********************

a most blessed ash wednesday my friends!

hmmm

i like silly putty.

when i'm stressed, it's always there for me to manipulate and fondle. when i'm frustrated, it's there for me to beat. when i'm bored, it's there to keep my time occupied. and when i'm just here, well, so is my silly putty.

as a trainer i have lots of little cutsy things at my desk to keep myself and my students busy and engaged in training... but nothing keeps me as engaged as my silly putty.

current silly putty color: green.

until...

i bought "the bracelet" this weekend.

that is... the until there's a cure bracelet.

it's a really neat looking bracelet, but quite possibly the neatest thing about it is that 100% of the purchase price goes to the organization. than means when you go to the body shop or kenneth cole or any other retailer to buy the bracelet, the full purchase price goes to "until."

i'm going to have the inside plaque on mine engraved with the simple name "larry".

larry was the first person i ever knew that had aids... unfortunately i had no idea he had aids until he was the first person i ever knew to die of aids.

lets stop making it such a taboo subject... lets fight this thing.

ahhh

what the fuck is going on w/ my blog???

shit... i bet it has something to do with my pic hosting site... damn them.

weekend update

helped friend move

hurt back

cleaned apartment

went on a date

went bowling

drank beer

got beads

churched it

brunched it

looked at new lofts in the area

watched sunday fox tv shows

ate chinese

4 loads of laundry

me misses my mort

me misses my mort
shit-ass, fuck-face, god-damn mort
mwuhg ugh flubh hugh snort

sleeplessness sucks

the last few nights i've taken great pride in being able to snuggle-up in my flannel sheets at times i never knew people could fall asleep at... say 9:30... 10... 10:30.

one problem though... i can't sleep.

i toss, i turn, i meditate, i project myself, i pray, i even get up and drink milk but no matter what i do, i just can't sleep.

last night, for example, i crawled into bed at 10:30 and crawled back out at 11:30 frustrated and angry. i turned on the tv and ate some sharp cheddar. at 12 i crawled back into bed and tossed and turned until 12:58 in which i sad "shit... i'm never going to fall asleep again." in which i fell asleep about 3 minutes later.

the point isn't that i eventually fell asleep, it's that it took 2 1/2 hour to do so.

but the cheese was good!

march on colorado springs

would anyone care to join me on a trek to colorado springs in early may for the dear dr. dobson rally at focus on the family? it's a non-violent 3-day weekend dedicated to debunk dobson's horrible allegations against gays and their "alternative" families. horrible allegations like this:

"they [homosexuals] don't just want marriage. they want to destroy marriage -- and the family -- as we know it." dr james dobson

destroy the family???

it's time that people started thinking logically about these things. why, in god's beautiful earth, would the wonderful and loving gay families in this country want to DESTROY the family? last i checked they were looking for marriage so they could, at the very least, find security and acceptance for their families.

someone go with me... i used to support focus on the family... it's time i stood up to the unwarranted hatred in this world...

jen? will you go with me?

these are a few of my favorite things

snow falling on skyscrapers

candles all over

flannel sheets

weather guys that say we are going to get 6-9 inches of snow

lesbian coffe shops

any given friday

when a cute guy is wearing his pants low and a short t-shirt and he keeps reaching his arms up

january in minnesota

a martini that comes with 1 more olive than you expected

cute waiters

your second family

your first family

warm blankets on soft couches

cats that do the "sleeping jerk" when they're napping on your lap

nightime on a deserted beach

camping

welcome home

when i decided to change the format of my blog i basically asked myself (1) "what DOES your personal universe look like anyway?" to which i also had to ask (2) "what IS your personal universe?" to which i ended with (3) "when in your life have you felt like you were in your own personal universe?"

my answer to these questions (last to first) was this:
(3) i've most often felt like i was in my personal universe when around water. i grew up on lake michigan and had a small stream in my backyard... since birth, water has been my focal point and i've always been in my own world when around it ever since.
(2) my personal universe is where i feel the most comfortable... where everything around me disappears... where life as i know it no longer matters... where i can sit for hours and never miss the time.
(1) it looks like a rocky beach on lake michigan. it looks like the lighthouse i grew up by. it sounds like the waves crashing on the rocks on the shore. it looks like water.

welcome to the new "nakachunkoff's personal universe"! my foundation is a sandy shore. my words are backed up by river stones. and my title is the very same lighthouse i grew up by, the one i used to sit on for hours while only staring into the lake and hearing only the sound of water and seagulls.

everytime i look at this blog i'll remind me of what i dearly miss... what i dearly love... and what brings me the most peace i've possibly ever experienced in my entire life. hopefully the visuals will help you, too, to find your own personal universe.

i see big changes ahead...

fyi - i'm making some asthetic changes to my blog either today or tomorrow... be aware that in that timeframe my blog may have some times where it's a little funky, please be patient!

crabby lobster

i'm a crabby lobster today.

ok, so i'm not really crabby... just looking for an excuse to be able to say whatever i want to say with absolutly no accountability at all (which is the best way to speak if you ask me).

i've already blamed:
being up late last night (although i wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway),
oversleeping this morning (though i was still at work on time),
almost missing the bus (note the word "almost"... i really caught it just in time),
oh, and the cold (though it's going to warm up to a balmy 29 today - shorts weather!).

ooh, i think i'm going to blame the lack of snow. yeah. that's it.

there's no snow on the ground so i'm crabby. (although there really IS snow on the ground... it's just not fresh).

crap... i have no real excuse for being crabby... other than it is SO MUCH FUN!!!

stangel elementary school

i happened upon this pic this morning... my old elementary school!!! it's amazing how tiny those buildings look when you see them 14 years later. wow.

i also noticed that the school's nickname is still the "stangel stars." i'd like to set the record straight and mention that we had a contest when i was in 5th grade or so for a school nickname... we ended up with the "stangel stars." how cool is it to know that you left your mark on elementary students for years and years.

the memories i have there...
like how the bus drove along the shores of lake michigan every morning on the way to school (damn, i miss that lake terribly)...
like getting detention for throwing ice on the playground...
for being afraid of fingerpainting in kindergarden because i was afraid of getting my fingers dirty (no comments please)...
of my FAVORITE teacher in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, mr. o'...
for crying when 3rd grade ended because i didn't want to loose mr. o' as a teacher...
for the school forest...
for sex ed...
for new kids on the block!!!

gosh, i had a good childhood = ) thanx stangel elementary!!!

pregmata

i, the pious and humble tom, am showing signs of the pregmata. yes, the pregmata, those holy signs of the virgin mother's pregnancy. many claim that the pregmata is fake and even blasphemous, but i am a testament to it's reality... how do i know these to be true?

1) last night i almost fainted... i got all light-headed and pale. i had to sit down and get some water to make sure i didn't whack my nose on the concrete.

2) i'm having cravings... i want to eat everything in sight and nothing sounds bad.

3) certain things have started to make me sick to my stomach... diet soda, sugar-free producs, "lite" fares... etc. even the smell of a soy-latte makes me want to vomit.

and the most obvious reason why i'm showing signs of the pregmata:

4) my mid-section has been getting bigger, my pants are getting tighter, and i'm bloating.

if you'd like to come and pray at my feet in the presence of this most holy of miracles, please contact me. take your time though, i'm not sure this miracle will be leaving me any time soon.

O benedictum fructum ventris Maria,
Ad te clamamus, Ad te suspiramus,
Gementes et flentes, in hac lacrimarum valle.

never in the united states

Across Europe at noon Wednesday (6 a.m. EST), politicians, workers and tourists observed a three-minute silent tribute for the victims across southern Asia. TV and radio stations interrupted programming and church bells rang.

never in the united states of america would this EVER happen... it makes me sad to even think of what people would say, how big-business would react to the "3,000 [employees] x 3 minutes", or our citizens simply not caring to stop their life for something literally 1/2 a world away.

ka-RAY-zeeee day...

offsite meetings, onsite meetings, crazy project meetings, and not enough time in the day to finish it all.

wow, 2005 is starting off to be a really busy year for me!

first rehearsal for the firebugs was last nigth... wow, this is going to be a really cool show. fyi - no nudity, no gay stuff, and not even really controversial... just a good ol' "make ya think" play from the 1950's. should be fantastic. check out the side bar for dates of the production and put them on your calendar!

ok, back to work now!

man bag

the minneapolis star tribune has a GREAT article on the popular rise of man bags. i must say i've never really gotten shit for carrying around my man bag (or a purse as i call it) as a matter of fact, i'm quite proud of mine *proud grin*

check out the article here

don't make resolutions, continue revolutions

every year people around the world make so-called "resolutions" for the next year of their life. they start their year off totally wrong by reflecting back upon all the stuff they did or didn't do in the previous year and then "resolve" to make sure things change in the future.

i'm sick of beginning my year by trying to figure out what's wrong in my life... dammit... i'm starting my own new years tradition.

invariably, each of us has had something that has gone miserably wrong in the past year... but each of us has probably also seen major changes in our lives because of that event. mindsets change and we find the good out of an evil situation... this drastic change in thinking is a revolution in your life. a revolution is defined as "a drastic and far-reaching change in ways of thinking and behaving."

this year, instead of focusing on the resolutions to "fix" your life, pinpoint the revolutions that occured in your life in the last year, celebrate them, and vow to continue that revolution into next year.

now, for my first 2004 revolution:
in 2004 i ended a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. unfortunately it ended with me needing to get a restraining order and needing to go to court to argue my case. this situation is quite possibly one of the most trying and emotionally fucked-up times of my life.

in 2004 i had a revolution in my life. i realized that i didn't have to take shit from anyone. i realized that friends are one of god's greatest gifts to a person, and i realized that true friends will do anything for you. i realized how wonderful strangers can be in a person's life. i realized that i am a stronger man than i ever thought i could be.

in 2005 i vow to continue this revolution in my life so that i may become even stronger as a gay man... even better of a friend... and even more of a humanitarian to strangers.

i pass this new tradition on to you, my friends. please start your own years off with these blessings, please find your own revolutions, please continue to change your lives.

i love you all = ) happy new year.

shit...

116,000???

jesus man...

i think life in the pink has put into words my exact feelings on this situation...

"
December 30, 2004
Tidal Wave of Denial
I haven't mentioned the tsunami here because I've decided to deal with it by going into deep denial. I have enough things to be neurotic and upset about: the last election, how I'm totally not going to get into grad school, whether or not my pores are too big, the war in Iraq, gay people being defined as second class citizens, my job, etc. If I have to really comprehend this latest tragedy, I'm pretty sure that I will never sleep again.
"

*huge sigh*

the few, the proud, the gmailers...

i am totally PSYCHED to announce that i now have an ever-so-coveted gmail account!!!

i can now be reached at tnechodomu@gmail.com.

(thanx brain!)

*** UPDATE ***
thanx for the question bruce... for the rest of you, he asked what was so great about gmail anyway.

GMAIL, is a new, currently in pilot-mode, email host provided by google. gmail gives you 1 whole gig of storage (1,000 mb) and also a slew of other features, including email searching, intuitive and killer organization functionality, as well as showing whole conversation strings when you bring up an email. and quite possibly the coolest thing about gmail... you can only join if you're invited by an existing member. *grin*

now for a question to my friends around the world... do i officially ditch my yahoo email account for my new gmail account??? hmmmm...

ho ho ho!

i'm in good ol' nebraska right now, and having a very nice time w/ my family. the trip down was freakin' awesome with my new mercury grand marquis from enterprise car rental place-ish thingy = ) what a smooth ride!

and now i'm helping mom with last minute baking and such.

church tonight and then let the holiday goodness begin, hell, the holiday goodness has already begun.

merry christmas everyone!!!

tom's "be sure to" list

when you're an old man driving north on cretin avenue in saint paul at 7:50 in the morning in -20 degree weather be sure to look before pulling out of your lane in front of a 2002 mazda 626.

when the officer arrives at the scene of your newly formed accident be sure to flirt. yes, even if he's a man, he'll enjoy it.

when you work with a lot of people be sure to know their work phone extensions so you can call them in the case of an unplanned morning prediciment

when you're about to miss the bus be sure to drive a tad bit faster. if you don't, you'll most certainly miss it.

if you miss the bus be sure to bundle up.

when you are going to teach a class about the mainframe be sure to check the computers in the room first to see if they even have the mainframe on them.

when you schedule an important meeting in lotus notes be sure to look for a meeting acceptance, if there isn't one, chances are there is no meeting on their calendar.

when ordering chicken fingers at the minnesota life cafeteria be sure to check them before you eat them, they may be raw still.

when you get raw chicken fingers from the minnesota life cafeteria be sure to bring them back, they give you WAY more food than you can eat because they feel so bad that they almost killed you.

and the most important one:

when you're day is going shitty and nothing seems to be going right be sure to remember that it can get worse. keep smiling.

i've learned a very important lesson today, when you feel like breaking out in tears, try smiling and thinking of the good stuff. like i'm going home tomorrow to spend a week with my family. christmas is in 3 days. i have all my christmas shopping done. and amazingly so, this year i was able to keep my final christmas costs significantly lower than in previous years. and quite possibly the most important: only my car is bruised... i'm fine... and i still have the most important things to me; my friends, my family, and yes, my health.

merry christmas everyone! may the spirits bring you a most blessed holiday this year.

happy friday!

well my friends, it's friday. and a hell of one too. what a week... what a week.

good news though, not only did i get a new pic of myself on here (it's actually my headshot) but i also just finished two MAJOR projects at work as well as put another major one into review status which means it's out of my hands until monday afternoon!

unfortunately i won't have a very relaxing weekend, but it'll be a very fun one regardless = ) it includes a concert, several brunches, shopping (hopefully to complete the xmas list), a party, church, decorating the church, and a callback for a play (see the sidebar). so you can see the most relaxation i'll get is on sunday after the callback in which i'll prolly be so wired i won't be able to sleep.

184 hours till christmas!!!

trot down memory lane...

this posting will prolly bring warm fuzzies to amber and jen... for the rest of you - enjoy it anyway!

so anyway, i came across some pics today from my college years, so's i thought i'd give you all a glimpse to my past so you can, well, see some pics from my college years! hold on, here we go!!!

this pic was at the end of my freshmen year. in the picture is the new and fresh faces of the ambassadors, grace university's premier traveling and singing group. we rocked! (pssst! the one on the far right is amber).

and this pic was the NEXT year's ambassadors (yes, i was in it two years... yay for me!!!). we were making a CD that we totally ROCKED on! and note again, amber made it two years also! as a matter of fact, we're all buddy-buddy in this pic. we're so FREAKIN' CUTE!!! and notice erin looking at us like we're freaks... *giggle*

the FINAL pic is of my friend joe and i. we were the bestest of friends first semester of our freshmen year. it was not long after that that i realized i was actually pretty much in love with him. and why not!?! look at him, he's fucking GORGEOUS! plus, we look pretty hot together... don't-cha think? *huge sigh* even now, i'm still in love with that concept of him and i together. he was my first love you know. truly! after looking back in my life i realized i first fell in love when i met joseph. hey, joe... if-n you're out there, come back to me (foks, there's a much larger story to this, yes, he was in love with me too as i found out years later... trust me, it gets even more complicated, no need for it now).

so THAT'S some of my past! hope you enjoyed it!!!

*sentimental hugs* to jen and amber

la La LA it's CHRISTMAS TIME!!!

tommy is really happy today = )

CAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!

AND because his picture hosting is back... so here we go w/ some christmas time pics brought to you by nakachunkoff's personal universe!!!

this is [part of] my apartment at christmas time... notice the warm glow that i've created in the rooms in an attempt to usher in the beauty of a homey atmosphere. if you were there you would have heard soft carols in the background...

this is my christmas tree up close. i add to it every year. yes, it's all gay-ish and such, but isn't it still FABU!?!?!?!

this is my cat gus looking all artsy-fartsy and stuff (he's being lit by the christmas tree you know). yeah, he likes doing these art photo shoots - all bohemian-ish and such. what a cutie

and this is my other cat alma trying to look like she's all cool with the whole christmas thing (all teen-ish and all) although i have a feelin' that deep down inside all that hair is a little gingerbread cookie that is shitting gumdrops in excitement for christmas morning.

so, that's my apartment and my family at christmas. hope you enjoyed this presentation... yes, i'm a christmas freak... but how many times a year do you get to decorate your home so extravagantly and truly be festively all happy-ish!!!

enjoy your weekend everyone!!!

ahhhh

i feel so much better now that i have my picture hosting back again. and because you asked amber, i'll have a comparison pic up soon so you can see me before and after the "makeover!"

oh for fun!

my friends/co-workers can be so cute sometimes.

background: last night i gave myself a "makover." i got a haircut, dyed it dark brown, and shaved off the beard that's been 2 months in the making. then this morning i actually dressed up for work so i look like a stunning not-quite-the-swan presentation of the new tom.

now back to where i was.

my friends/co-workers can be so cute sometimes. with the exception of the two people i told i was going to do this... everyone else looks at me and can't figure out what i did. some say, "you look nice today - you dressed up!" others say, "you cut your hair." yet others say, "did you shave?" and my favorite, "something's different... but what?"

i just have to laugh... do one change and everyone notices. do four changes and for the life of themselves people can't even pick out one! = )

jews on the mind

today my unkymood is zen-like because it's the only religious one i could find. you see, tonight at sundown begins one of my favorite holidays... chanukah. yes my friends, i celebrate chanukah. why?

WHELL...

the way i figure it... w/out the jews there wouldn't be any christians. without the jews there wouldn't be any muslims. and without the jews we wouldn't have those FABULOUS menorahs = ) so celebrating chanukah is like celebrating an ancient festival that has been lost and forgotten by so many people who take christianity for granted to the point that they've pretty much convinved themselves that christianity was created by god on the eighth day (hell-OOO people!!! remember abraham, the exodus, the diaspora???). sheesh.

so to bring this blog back to where it began. i chose "zen-like" as my mood because there wasn't one out there called "jewish".

barukh atah Adonai...

never the needy

so the girl who sits next to me at work won $100k on the powerball game this weekend. yeah, you read that right, one hundred THOUSAND dollars.

when asked if they got their picture taken and such for the papers she responded with "no, they don't take pictures for the smaller amounts, i mean, it's not a million dollars or anything."

yeah... i guess 100k really isn't that much when you look at it. come to think of it, i'm glad i didn't win it myself... it's really not enough to do anything significant with.

what a waste of perfectly good lottery cash.

fuck.

one day more

that's what i keep telling myself...

"self," i say "just one more day... one day more... 8 more hours of this crazy thing we call work."

then i remind myself that dad is coming up this weekend.

"hey," i say to myself "your dad is coming up tomorrow and you're going to have a hell of a time with him on your first annual father-son weekend."

then i usually sing a song.

"i've got a love-e-ly bunch of coconuts (doo doo doo doo) there there are a-standing in a row (bum-bum-bum)"

it's usually around this time i remember i'm supposed to be working.

"fuck," i say "i'm at work, i better get some work done so i can say i did SOMETHING at my update next week."

and then i almost invariablly end up singing another song.

"merry christmas darling, happy new year too..."

to which the response is kind-a repetetive.

"fuck," i say again "work goddammit!"

and then it comes full circle.

"just one more day... one day more... 8 more hours of this crazy thing we call work."

and now you know what it's like to be in my head.

"sometimes you wanna go, where everybody knows your naa-aaaa-aaame (bum-bum-bum-bum) and they're always glad you caa-aaa-aame (bum-bum-bum) you wanna go where people know... troubles are all the same... you wanna go where everybody knows your name (ba-da ba-da bum bum... boom-boom... ba-da ba-da bum bum... boom boom)"

a super-cool linus quote

"we have not succeeded in answering all of our problems. indeed, we often feel we have not completely answered any of them. for the answers we have found only serve to raise a whole set of new questions. and in some ways we feel we are as confused as ever, but we believe we are confused on a much higher level, and about much more important things."

me likey egg foo young

the title says it all = )

what a to-be busy week! i'm in a training class all day today, all day tomorrow, wednesday morning, thursday morning, and friday morning. giving me a total of only about 1 1/2 days of actual time to work... which may not be any different than normal, it's just that for the other 3 1/2 days i'll be doing something other than surfing the internet and blogging.

just kidding, yes, i work.

anyway - good weekend, good thanksgiving, good church services, good liquor, good shows, good sex. yes, i lost my virginity this weekend. and no... not to a woman... awe hell... who am i kidding, i'm no virgin = )

anyway, i must go, class starts in about 15 minutes or so and i need to jot some things down before moving on...

many thanks

as i'm getting more and more excited to go home tonight and decorate my tree i've made myself stop and think about what tomorrow is... thanksgiving... not christmas. = )

anyway - i wanted to take this moment to send a great big hug to all my friends, tangible and non-tangible. i've learned a lot in the last few years and one of the biggest things is the importance of family. i've also learned the importance of creating a family of your own outside of the nuclear family.

and that is who you all are.

without you i wouldn't have a place to laugh, be silly, cry, bitch, moan, share my crazy stories, and get my ever-so-needed support in tough times. without you i'd go crazier than i already am, and without you i'd probably still be in ruts that i formed years ago and were lovingly lifted out of by some of you. you truly are my support and my confidence when times are shitty, and you seriously bring me hope and honest-to-goodness love of life with every interraction i have with you, whether it's in person, by phone, over email, or even a short comment on my blog from an unknown person i may never hear from again.

so in this season, ever so sappy as it is, i say thank you for being my friends.

now go get laid.

welcome to quaziland, population 5

over luch today i was talking politics w/ friends and got fed up. "lets start our own country," i found myself saying. "see, that way, instead of politicians, we can all be gods!!!"

thats when all went to a very childish-hell in an easter basket.

i now introduce the fruits of our labor... quaziland.

hunky dorey

the fam is gone and i have my apartment back to myself again. *sigh*

the weekend was absolutly fantastic. just a rollercoaster of fun and stress, but always fulfilling at the end. the time w/ the sista's was great, the dinner on saturday was yummy, the show on saturday nite turned out great, and the shopping on sunday was non-bank-breaking!!!

now it's christmas for me and my household!!! i can't wait to begin decorating tonight, how fun!!! yay!!!

i'll have a holy spirit on the rocks with a twist of jesus

as i type i'm in the student lounge at north central university, and not the good north central that you're thinking of. currently i'm at my sister's college patiently waiting for my three sisters to get their asses down from my sister's dorm room.

actually it's not that bad, there's a really fucking hot guy standing next to me... he's wearing jeans a HOT long-sleeved teeshirt and a hat, he's actually really really cute in that i'm-a-conservative-christian-college-student type of way = )

maybe waiting for my sisters to come down from my sister's gals-only dorm room isn't that bad...

*evil grin*

those conservative-christian-college-guys are actually pretty easy to sack... these places are a haven for fags... hell, it's in bible college that i first had sex with a man... and then another, and another, and another... man... those were the days.

*sigh*

i complain so much lately about not getting any... maybe i should go back to bible college.

now i know how my mom feels

i think i finally know what my mother goes through every year in preparation for thanksgiving dinner an festivities.

i have food to buy, food to prep, an apartment to clean, supplies to buy, towels to wash, pillows to fluff, a table to set and prep, a meal blessing to put together, two cats to deal with, and lots of wine to drink.

she's an amazing woman and i plan on being the same way this weekend... a FABULOUS woman who organizes a FABULOUS thanksgiving dinner!!!

i'm being used.

my sister calls me today and says that i need to meet someone.

the someone is her new manager at work (also my other sister's manager at work... yeah, they both work at the same place). anyway, her new manager is supposedly an ass hole to them, oh, and gay too. they want me to meet him because, in my sister's words, "you're really cute, i mean, everyone thinks so... all the girls... all the guys... so, we were hoping you'd meet him (manager-fag) and that he'd like you cause, well, you're cute. you see, then if he saw what we (sister-bitches) had a cute, gay brother, well, then... he'd like us!"

oh, how nice = ) i'm being used for my queen-dom = )