in december of every year a tension rises between belief systems all over the world over the usage of terminology of the particular holidays people celebrate.
merry christmas?
happy chanukah?
cool yule?
happy kwanza?
or the blanket, happy holidays!
when did the acknowledgement that there was more than one holiday at this time of year become so offensive? when did grouping the holidays together in one greeting to cover everyone's holiday cheer become a term that causes people's blood to boil.
i blame the christians. really, i do.
in a country that is primarily christian i've found that the people most offended by "happy holidays" are christians. they're offended because they feel that "happy holidays" is denying the existance of their christmas, that it somehow is meant to ignore christmas, that it's meant to piss them off. well my dear friends, YOU'RE pissing me off.
we don't live in a christian country - we live in a country where the christians believe that they're deserved of a christian nation... personally, a christian nation scares the shit out of me.
i'm not offended by "merry christmas" but i'm definately more attracted to "happy holidays" because it acknowledges that not everyone in this country loves jesus so much that they worship him via boxoffice, vote him into office, or lick the soles of james dobson.
really folks, is it SO terrible to wish EVERYONE the happiest during their holiday - i guess it is, especially if your holiday just so happens to be the wrong one.
21 December, 2006
18 December, 2006
300th post!!!
*** i just noticed that this is my 300th post! and how appropriate, it's about shitting! ***
question: what do the following things have in common?
answer: they're all things that our bodies MUST do to survive or they're things we MUST do in order to be comfortable in our bodies... and they're all things that we're not allowed to do unless we're in private.
begin rant: why the hell are we so ashamed of the things that we HAVE to do in order to survive? i mean, every human farts. every human poops. every human pisses. every human has to burp or fart at some time. and every human just needs to scratch, itch, and move-it-a-little-to-the-left sometimes. yet we get looked at like we're the most rude person on this celestial ball if we do it outside of our own private universe.
i've even seen people talk about how inappropriate it is to fart loudly in the bathroom... IN THE BATHROOM!?!?!? WHERE ELSE AM I GONNA FART!?!?!
my wish for this yule season isn't for peace on earth or food for every starving child...
i want to be able to fart in a meeting without being embarrassed because everyone else in the meeting understands that i just had to do it otherwise i'd have terrible stomach cramps.
i want to be able to scratch my balls while teaching without being thought of as a perve because my students understand that sometimes, underwear can really be uncomfortable when it bunches-up.
i want to stop hearing my sisters talk about taking dumps in stalls that are next to each other and how funny it was... i want to be in the stall next to them laughing my ass off that one of them just let out a huge fart.
really folks... why are humans such freakin' prudes?
so anyway... 300th post... my gift to you... have a cool yule!
question: what do the following things have in common?
- pooping
- peeing
- that-time-of-the-month-ing
- farting
- burping
- boob adjusting
- ball itching
answer: they're all things that our bodies MUST do to survive or they're things we MUST do in order to be comfortable in our bodies... and they're all things that we're not allowed to do unless we're in private.
begin rant: why the hell are we so ashamed of the things that we HAVE to do in order to survive? i mean, every human farts. every human poops. every human pisses. every human has to burp or fart at some time. and every human just needs to scratch, itch, and move-it-a-little-to-the-left sometimes. yet we get looked at like we're the most rude person on this celestial ball if we do it outside of our own private universe.
i've even seen people talk about how inappropriate it is to fart loudly in the bathroom... IN THE BATHROOM!?!?!? WHERE ELSE AM I GONNA FART!?!?!
my wish for this yule season isn't for peace on earth or food for every starving child...
i want to be able to fart in a meeting without being embarrassed because everyone else in the meeting understands that i just had to do it otherwise i'd have terrible stomach cramps.
i want to be able to scratch my balls while teaching without being thought of as a perve because my students understand that sometimes, underwear can really be uncomfortable when it bunches-up.
i want to stop hearing my sisters talk about taking dumps in stalls that are next to each other and how funny it was... i want to be in the stall next to them laughing my ass off that one of them just let out a huge fart.
really folks... why are humans such freakin' prudes?
so anyway... 300th post... my gift to you... have a cool yule!
13 December, 2006
on blogs and killer orgasms
you know what i really HATE? when you write up an awesome post and use the ever-so-convenient "email" option to email your post to blogger and it bounces back... without your sent message attached so you can at least copy and paste it directly into the site.
boo - hiss
and then you think about writing the post again but the energy just isn't the same. energy is like a killer orgasm, it's only temporary - once it's done it's done. and i mean "killer" as in KICK-ASS, AMAZING, TINGLING... not an orgasm that kills you.
speaking of orgasms that kill you... the other day i was talking to a fairly new friend of mine and she mentioned how she had an INCREDIBLE session of sex w/ her [stunningly gorgeous] husband and afterwards he went to the bathroom and passed out on the tile floor. her face had pure terror in it as she told us that she seriously thought she had killed her husband. and then she followed it with "but at least he had a smile on his face."
thank the GODS that he didn't die... he's a breathlessly HOT canadian dentist who lives in the cities with his equally GORGEOUS and brilliant wife (my new friend).
so there... another post - not the same as the original, but equally as fun and raunchy!
boo - hiss
and then you think about writing the post again but the energy just isn't the same. energy is like a killer orgasm, it's only temporary - once it's done it's done. and i mean "killer" as in KICK-ASS, AMAZING, TINGLING... not an orgasm that kills you.
speaking of orgasms that kill you... the other day i was talking to a fairly new friend of mine and she mentioned how she had an INCREDIBLE session of sex w/ her [stunningly gorgeous] husband and afterwards he went to the bathroom and passed out on the tile floor. her face had pure terror in it as she told us that she seriously thought she had killed her husband. and then she followed it with "but at least he had a smile on his face."
thank the GODS that he didn't die... he's a breathlessly HOT canadian dentist who lives in the cities with his equally GORGEOUS and brilliant wife (my new friend).
so there... another post - not the same as the original, but equally as fun and raunchy!
05 December, 2006
rites of winter
rites of winter, everybody's got them. you know, those moments that make you stop and think "*gasp* that's the first [insert rite here] of winter! man i LOVE winter!"
my rites of winter (in no particular order):
it's all so fantastic, so refreshing, so alive. i don't get it, people complaining about winter... to me it's the earth finally saying to us "see here you little shit... i DO have control over you!" and all you can do is lean back, put another blanket on the bed, put another shot of whiskey in your coffee, and say "have at it, jack frost."
it's nice to give up control every once in a while, isn't it? *grin*
my rites of winter (in no particular order):
- the first snowfall
- the first sub-zero temperature (NOT counting wind chill)
- wearing your stocking hat in the coffee shop
- wearing gloves for the first time
- the first time your nostrils freeze together
- days without sunshine
- the moment you realize your car is warmed-up enough that you can take your gloves off
- static electricity
it's all so fantastic, so refreshing, so alive. i don't get it, people complaining about winter... to me it's the earth finally saying to us "see here you little shit... i DO have control over you!" and all you can do is lean back, put another blanket on the bed, put another shot of whiskey in your coffee, and say "have at it, jack frost."
it's nice to give up control every once in a while, isn't it? *grin*
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