23 January, 2011

conflicting messages and burned-in memories

my father told me once that he believed that all people should have the right to live their lives as they see fit, regardless of whether it conflicts with his conservative beliefs.

less than a minute later in the conversation he said that given his previous statement, if he was given the ability to vote on certain hot-button issues he wouldn't skip a beat to vote against same-sex couples being able to marry or to make abortion illegal.

i [believe it or not, respectfully] questioned him, saying that his messages conflicted; if he truly believed that people should have the right to live their lives as they see fit then he wouldn't vote in favor of forcing those same people to conform to his beliefs.

i remember this next part very clearly - it is burned in my mind forever.

my father's response was completely opposite of the tone of the conversation up to that point.  in the middle of this for-the-most-part-civil conversation, my father shot back a response with vehement anger and defense as he said, "don't you DARE you ask me to do something [vote] against what i know to be right!" 

it wasn't much later in the conversation that my father blew up again and stomped away from the table we were sitting at in the middle of a restaurant in omaha.

i'll never forget that night.  as angry as i was at the end of the evening, i cant help but feel sorry for my father - it mustn't be a terribly happy life if one is constantly living with conflicting beliefs that divide one between their invisible best friend with a 2,000 year old user's guide and your flesh-and-blood who is, for all intents and purposes, sitting in front of you living a successful, happy, fulfilling, and ethical life, void of any visible divine retribution from his supposed "sin."

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