dear mary,
its been one year since i saw you last. it was a crisp fall day when some friends and i took a long lunch hour and wandered over to say hi to you. it was the first time i saw you in the hospital, and the last. everyone left, oddly enough, and left the two us alone - i sat on your bed and held your hand and just stared into your eyes. i so wanted to lay down next to you and just hold you, but i didn't, i horribly regret that now.
it was a few days later, the day after i first saw times square, that i received the voicemail that you had left us. i was relieved to hear you moved on in a peaceful manner, but i was also sobered knowing that your celebration was planned on the day before i was to see times square for the last time - i haven't been there since. i stayed knowing that you'd want it that way.
i still see you though. its amazing how i run into you at the grocery store, or at the gym, or randomly on the street. the cycle is always the same... "hey! its mary!" "oh wait, that can't be mary" and then the inevitable tears that well up. they're never expected, they just come. and the cycle always ends with me silently wandering to a quiet corner of wherever i am to spend a few moments colleting myself before living again.
then there are the times i remember you without realizing it. like today. someone was talking about how phone numbers at work are oddly synched up with friends, e.g., one number is 2345 while a friends number is 5432. i was about to pipe up about a good friend who's numer was opposite of mine... 1314 -vs- 1413. then i realized that number was yours. begin cycle.
your official date is on saturday. i'll be there - most likely running into several others.
i'll try to celebrate, but i can't promise anything.
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