*sheepish grin*

i'm FINALLY getting the internet at home tonight (thank you comcast). and now my blog will be updated on a regular basis again!

p.s. amber, you are so sweet... i miss you tons.

10 things i DON'T miss about driving to work

10. the variance in my schedule created by the ultimate flexability of not being tied the schedule of someone else (namely, metrotransit).
9. breaking a sweat walking 10 minutes in the sweltering morning heat from my parking lot.
8. being too lazy to walk that healthy 10 minutes and taking the bus, thus making me feel guilty for being a lazy ass for at least 4 seconds.
7. having to talk to people on the bus because... well... you know them.
6. having to be happy with that WAY too happy 8:04 21A bus driver.
5. dumbass drivers.
4. traffic.
3. driving INTO the sun.
2. feeling like a gas guzzling asshole who doesn't care about the environment enough to take one of the two bus routes that go RIGHT BY MY HOUSE into work.
1. driving next to (and battling road rage of) gas guzzling, s.u.v. driving, fishy and bush sticker sticking, non-blinker using, speed-up-so-i-can-get-in-front-of-you-ering, assholes.

i'm so dizzy... i'm so dizzy my head is spinning...

i loved that song as a kid. i'd stand in the living room and spin in circles till i fell on the ground... well... dizzy!

that's kind of how i feel right now actually. between a job thats at high stress-levels, a show that's opening in 2 weeks, not being completely off-book for said show, gas prices over 3 dollars a gallon, and a dumb-ass president and right-wing neo-cons hell-bent on solidifying my sub-human status on this planet -- *sigh* -- i'm... well... dizzy!

but, oh, is life good or what!?!?! i mean, i'm continually blessed by the heavens and am for some reason i'm not reacting too badly to the stress. i find times to relax and i find times to... well... not relax. the only thing really lacking is a sex life, but i guess you can't have everything = )

s.a. all the way

i'm even more so in love with my super america than i've ever been.

besides the fact that they have the CUTEST night manager guy (with the cutest butt) but last night when i went in to pay for my gas (and get my cigs) the guy behind the counter refused to start up a customer's gas pump because he could see (through his binoculars) that he hadn't turned off his engine.

now, i have no idea, but this may be standard protocol for gas station workers, but i just hadn't thought of it till it happened.

I LOVE YOU SUPER AMERICA NIGHT WORKER WHO WORKS WITH THE REALLY CUTE SUPER AMERICA NIGHT MANAGER FOR STOPPING SOME DUMBASS ON LAKE STREET FROM BLOWING ME AND MY MAZDA TO HEAVEN AND BACK!!!

tap -n- grill

LONG-ASS dance rehearsal last night that ended at the tap -n- grill in the maplewood/oakdale area.

four of use went in there and ordered the following:

• 13+ beers
  
• hot wings
  
• cheese nachos
  
• onion rings
  
• two orders of fried cheese curds
  
• a HUGE piece of chocolate cake... no really... it was about 8" tall

total??? $43.

now... usually i'm one to sing the curses of the cesspool i call suburbia... but i just can't find the notes for the song right now. i'm thoroughly impressed with this unique non-big-box suburban bar & grille. huh... $43... i almost crapped my pants when i saw that bill...

booga-booga

there, i said it.

i feel better now.

carmina burana

reminder to all my friends - carmina burana is this saturday at orchestra hall in minneapolis at 8pm. this is the only showing of this amazing piece.

150 voice choir
40 voice boys choir
full minnesota orchestra on extended stage

for those who are unfamiliar with this piece - carmina burana is a bunch of poems that were set to song by karl orff. a majority of the songs are a progression of fate in the lives of extremely horny youth. yes, you saw that right, they're really REALLY horny = )

the piece has some extremely familiar tunes including the opening and closing "oh fortuna" which is considered one of the loudest and most obnoxious pieces of choral/orchestral music ever. the other one is the "tempus est incundo" which will be extremely familiar to yergie! remember in sydney when we sang for that college choir and they sang their "oh... oh... ooooh, totus flore-o" song? the one we sang as a choir over and over and over on the bus??? yeah... carmina burana baby!

this is a kick-ass piece that is very seductive, sexy, obnoxious, and just plain ol amazing. if you're in the cities, you MUST check it out - i guarantee you'll be blown away!

estelle getty and harvey firestein

i just finished reading "torch song trilogy" and have to say that i was pretty impressed.

i also can't stop thinking about how the first part seems to be very much so like a relationship i had a long time ago... oddly enough it went in the same direction and just recently things from the second part started happening too. it kinda caused me to just stop and think for a second about life.

if you haven't read it i would suggest it strongly. it's a really good set of plays that document the relationship between a gay man and his ex-lover, a bi man. some parts were very close to home... others i pray to god i won't have to experience in my life.

1 rant and 1 randomization about mother nature

holy shit it's august.

in high school i heard that the older you get the faster life moves around you. the rationale was that when you're two days old a day makes up 1/2 your life and your perception of that "1/2" life seems pretty long. the older you get, each day becomes less and and less compared to the rest of what you've experienced in life, thus making days and months and years seem insignificantly short.

i couldn't agree more.

i camped this weekend. once again, becoming one with nature is quite possibly one of my favorite past-times (besides talking about dirty raunchy things). i used my new tent and sat around the campfire for hours doing nothing w/ my friend gary. as we were leaving yesterday afternoon we realized that we didn't drink an ounce of the vodka we brought along... well, we played with by spitting it on the fire to see how cool it'd look, but other than that, none got ingested.

and that's what it's all about... letting nature intoxicate you with her amazing ability to subdue all your senses and take you into her arms for a short respite from life as we know it.

we took a short walk to a pier that went into the saint croix river... we watched the stars for 45 minutes or so. we saw 5 shooting starts, 4 satellites, and only 2 aero-planes. what a fantastic feeling, when you've been staring at the stars for so long that when you finally see a plane, you have to double-take because it just looks weird.

ahhhh.

crazy-perfect-hair guy

he rides the #53 at 7:05am every morning and at 4:25pm every afternoon. he gets on at my stop in the morning but gets off 4 blocks before that same stop in the afternoon.

he's one of those riders that is constantly jittery - looking around anxiously, ready to do whatever he's waiting to do 5 minutes before life will allowed him to do it.

he's a professional man. mid 50's. dressed very nicely. he carries a kenneth cole bag. his hair is salt & pepper with a more generous amount of former. his hair always looks tediously (aka, o.c.d.-ish-ly) done. he's crazy-perfect-hair guy.

in the morning, he casually paces in different directions within an invisible 4ft-wide circle. about 2 times a minute he anxiously walks to the middle of the street to see if the bus is coming then hastily comes back to the curb to continue his pacing.

in the afternoon, he gets out of his seat at least 2 blocks or more before his stop which isn't unusual except that there is long stoplight between those two blocks and in the time we are stopped, he again casually paces between the back door of the bus and his seat.

once he even walked to the front of the bus to get off then changed his mind and walked to the back of the bus and used that door instead.

he doesn't look at all crazy or weird - you wouldn't look at him twice if you saw him walking down the street. cliche' time - "it's what's inside that counts" (i.e., he looks normal on the outside but inside he's CA-RAY-ZY!!!).

he doesn't really bother me, but he does make me fairly anxious when i pay attention to him.

people are funny sometimes.

HAY! (straw is cheaper, grass is free - marry a farmer and you get all three!)

ok, this is SO cool! i now know the difference between hay, straw, and grass!!!

• hay
  

  what it is: hay is a combination of alfalfa and grass that is raked into rows on a field and left to dry in the summer sun. once mostly dried, hay is baled.
  

  how it is used: hay is used as feed for animals - it's healthy and hearty!
  

  rough market price: $2.00 a bale

  
  
• straw
  

  what is is: straw is the remains of combined (harvested) oats, wheat, barley, etc. it is mostly stalks and such.
  

  how it is used: straw is not healthy. it is used primarily as bedding for animals and christmas pagents.
  

  rough market price: $.50 a bale

  
  
• grass
  

  what it is: grass grows naturally in fields and some yards. in suburbia it is planted in yards, baseball diamonds, and in over-priced pots at floral shops.
  

  how it is used: grass can be eaten, layed in, rolled on, played on, watered, sexed on, eaten on, cut, and harvested for multch (if you love and care for the earth that you're so fortunate to be living on).
  

  rough market price: free

  
  

so there you go! the difference between hay, straw, and grass. now go impress someone who doesn't read this blog.

the circle of life

yesterday i found out that an ex's uncle died at age 57. normally, this news wouldn't mean too much to me, as a matter of fact, i probably wouldn't care at all. this one was different though.

his uncle was gay. he had a partner. he was the first person most of his family ever knew of to be gay. he was also a figure that my ex looked up to very much. as a gay man, as a gay man in a relationship, as a gay man in a family that had accepted him and his partner.

i haven't really talked to this ex for almost 3 years now, since we broke-up. i still feel bad for the reason he stopped talking to me, but a person can only apologize so many times.

i sent him a card today telling him how sad i was to hear the news, and to wish him well.

as i sealed the card i had an overwhelming wave of sadness come over me.

i hope i hear from him again some day - i'd really like to patch things up between him and i.

ahhh

WOW!

last night i meditated and did a realignment ritual... what a difference! this morning i can't explain how much better i feel, so much more whole and put-together!

i woke up early and have been quite on the ball so far, i mean, it's only 8:59 and i've already worked on and completed two projects here at work!

oh, and as a side note, the soundtrack to the charlie & the chocolate factory kicks some major ass. i mean it. go see the movie, it's hillarious and so visually/audibly stimulating. the cool thing was that it didn't seem to want to compete with the gene wilder version of the movie... the movies are the same but oh so different... major props to tim burton on this one!

facts about my day so far...

• i woke up at 6:45 this morning
  
• i forgot my xcel energy bill at home so i can't set it up on auto bill pay now
  
• i'm tired, although i wasn't really up late
  
• i shaved this morning
  
• i just finished chewing a jawbreaker
  
• i'm pretty sure i have a.d.d.
  
• there was a really hot guy in the cafeteria today at lunch, the girls and i especially like his arms and his butt
  
• i haven't had any caffeine yet today
  
• i don't want to go to rehearsal tonight, i just want to sit at home and drink and smoke and watch porn
  
• well, not really drink, smoke, and watch porn... just the... well... yeah, i guess i meant all three
  
• my energy is NOT aligned very well today, as a matter of fact, i feel horribly unaligned right now... i should meditate or something when i get home to get my mind in the right place again
  
• i just got windows xp service pak 2!!! i'm really excited about this... and the sad part of it all is that i'm actually, factually excited, not just shitting for blog purposes
  
• i'm going to get coffee, screw this = )
  

html

i'm in an html/javascripting class right now and i'm learn-ding a ton of really cool new shit. don't be surprised if i all of a sudden start going crazy on my blog... whoo hoo!!!

the original summer adventure

"GARAGE SALES!!!" said my extremely excited friend on saturday morning. "GARAGE SALES EVERYWHERE!!! i didn't go to any so that we could go together." how thoughtful of him.

thus began our 5 hour garage sale romp.

most people wander across a garage sale sign and then hesitantly stop. others who are crazy plan out their day by reading the paper and plotting out a route, we were the craziest of all garage salers... we just drove till we found one. sure, it doesn't sound crazy, but try driving up and down streets for 1/2 hour looking for something that may or may not exist anywhere nearby. but the greatest thing about THIS version of the garage saling day is that you happen across neighborhoods that you've never seen before... how FUN!

my garage sales finds on 7/16/05:

camping stove
brand new, untouched, unassembled, in original box
$10 WHAT A DEAL!!!

misc pottery
the cutest bud vase a very nice blue vase and a hand made cup. the blue vase came w/ a story of how the owner watched the potter make it in waikiki
$12

misc books and a ceramic cross
random classics and books i've been wanting to read and a very cute ceramic cross that looks quite fresh above my bedroom door (more on that later though)
$3.50

cup and saucer set (8 pc)
oh my GOD! the CUTEST seafoam green milk-glass cup and saucer set for 8. the PERFECT antique ending to a meal AND they'll look FABU with my pure white place settings!!!
$15 A TOTAL STEAL!

total spent: $40.50

so there you have it, kids. my garage saling days for this last weekend. i'll be sure to let you know of future adventures = )

ringtones

most people think of specially-downloaded ringtones on cellphones as one of those becoming-more-frequent trendy and expensive annoyances in everyday life. you know, teenagers spending mom and dad's well-earned cash on unnecessary clips of britany or another slutty singer just to be cool.

i for one, though, think of them as totally different. yes, i've bought 3 (count them, 3) ringtones in the 6+ years i've had a cellphone. rather than being trendy, i choose to put these ringtones on my phone because every time i hear them i go on a walk down memory lane... every time i get a call i feel all warm inside because of the tones i've picked-out.

ringtone #1 - the theme from fraggle rock - yes! fraggle rock! one of my FAVORITE shows as a kid... just the sound of the theme song makes me smile and sing.

ringtone #2 - blue (eiffel 65). remember that semi-annoying disco song from the millennium-change-up days? THOSE were my out days, my days at the disco, the days with my friends at the club, to me this song is me at the max with my hands thrown to the heavens, drunker than my boyfriend the alcoholic, wishing these moments to never end.

ringtone #3 - the theme from neverending story. this one i just bought last night. one of the movies that my sisters, and whole family actually, watched over and over and over. we LOVED to sing the theme song and put other words to it, for instance: "never-ending stinky feet, ahhhhhhhhhh... never-ending stinky feet, ahhhhhhhh"

you see, the warmth i get every time a friend calls is so cool.

at $1.99/tone... 3 tones... $5.97 is worth it to me.

warm fuzzies

isn't it amazing how life flies by you - i mean, it's march one second and then it's june. it's like, what the hell!?!?! where did april and may go? i want my 2nd quarter back dammit!

*grin*

so this last weekend (memorial day) was one of the funnest weekends i've had in years. my [first] ex and his softball team came down from seattle for the big northstar classic softball tournament (gay leagues).

WHAT A BLAST!!!

not only did i excessively drink on friday, saturday, sunday, and monday - but i got to watch amazing softball matches and see some really killer bodies.

randy's team (aka, the ex's team) won first place in their [b] division!!! and the other seattle team won first in their [d] division!!! S-E-A-T-T-L-E, SEATTLE!!! SEATTLE!!!

in addition to all of this i also got to spend some quality time w/ randy. we have a special story actually, we're each other's first boyfriends, and consequently each other's firt ex too = ) after breaking-up, geeze, almost 6 years ago now, we lived together for 1.5 years still - to this day, he's still one of my closest friends, and the only ex that i'm still really good friends with.

and there's always a tiny part of your heart that belongs to them. even though there's not a frickin' OUNCE of desire to be back together with them, you still look at them and grin remembering about all you've been through together.

it's a true blessing that randy and i have such a strong friendship after all these years - we've been there for each other in some really tough times (like break-ups and moving) and some really good times (like babies, engagements, and dancing to the bee gee's just the other day at the memorial day bbq).

weekends like this are few and far between - but when they come, i'm glad i'm able to sit back and truly appreciate them.

hi

i really don't have anything to say.

the cheap and tawdry sideshow starts-up tomorrow.

verdi's requiem is in a few weeks.

i'm teaching today.

i have my church directory picture tomorrow.

i'm ready for a vacation that is destined to not happen.

i need a haircut.

more to come, i promise... man, this blog is lame-o lately = )

songs for the spirit

in december of this past year, my heart was deeply touched by a jason and demarco concert at all gods children mcc here in minneapolis.

i remember listening to their "songs for the spirit" cd almost the entire way back to omaha for christmas. i also remember driving through rural nebraska, merely 10 miles from the christian university that hurt me so much, singing songs i never thought i'd sing again and that made me sob because of an amazing feeling of finally reaching the place where i could sing songs of praise to god without feeling the slightest bit of guilt or pain or condemnation.

in those moments, i was not only one with the spirit but all was truly well with my soul.

i listened to this cd again today at work and was amazed at how the music touched me so powerfully again. i found myself crying tears of joy and thanking god for never leaving me through the years of trial that i've been through. i also found myself praising him in my own way for proving to me that no matter what happens in this world around me and no matter how blind some people may be, the truth powerfully lies in this foundational truth: sometimes god chooses to display himself to us simply through his actions rather than through his words.

no, i'm not dead

i'm just a little stressed-out.

the last 10 days or so have included going into work early, staying late, dreaming about it at night, and, now, working on saturdays.

i know it sounds very unlike me to even spend a few seconds every day to use company resources to put my random ramblings out on the web, but if my lack of posting is any proof, i'm actually, factually busy - not just pulling it out of my ass.

proof - i had two totally fucked-up dreams this last week... note, i NEVER dream, and when i do, i never remember them aftwards... this is true proof that i'm stressed.

dream #1 - i was a mafia hit man "for hire." which basically meant i wasn't part of the mafia, they just hired me to kill people for them... my code name was "BIG FISH"... yes, with the caps and all.

dream #2 - i had sex with a female co-worker. i know... ew. no more description is necessary, point taken.

i promise i'll write, or try to write, more this next week. as a matter of fact, i teach on tuesday and wednesday which almost guarantees that i'll have a tad bit of time during class activities to "play" online = )

have a super weekend everyone!

am i a bad homo?

today is outfront minnesota's glbt lobby day and 'gathering' at the capital to protest the impending marriage ammendment.

i work 5 block from the capital and i'm not going.

i'm emotionally exhausted. i'm 'marriage ammendment depressed'. i'm tired of protesting the inevitable. and i'm sick-to-my-stomach and have zero-tolerance for absolutly anyone who remotely acts like they are not sure how they feel about gay marriage when their 'unsure' feelings aren't based in religion.

i guess i'm just at the point where i don't want to think about it anymore. it seriously makes me want to cry... you know, when a co-worker who has a gay brother-in-law with a long-time partner says that he's not sure what he thinks about gay marriage. or when someone calls me a friend and then says that the oppose it.

i just don't understand it...

the game of life

every once in a while when i'm bored (usually when i'm sitting on the toilet and i don't have anything to read) i play a little game... i pull all the change out of my pocket and look at the years on the coins, then i try to remember what i was doing at this time during that year. here are the results of today's game:

1996 dime
april 1996 - rexford, kansas - 17 years old
it's april... one month till graduation and then i'll be free! i'll be going to college at grace university in omaha, nebraska... i'm so excited!!! i'm probably going to major in pastoral ministries or music, i haven't decided yet. i'm 3rd in my graduating class... i just found this out. turns out the top three in my class were all about 1/100th of a point apart, i was really hoping that i could be validictorian or salutitorian, but oh well, soon i'll be out of here and living in the big city living with other christians who desire to be in ministry as much as i do.

1998 quarter
april 1998 - omaha, nebraska - 19 years old
it's april... one month and my college choir will be heading out for a month-long tour down the eastern coast of australia!!! it'll be my second trip to austraila and i'm totally stoked because i'll be able to go to sydney which i didn't do the first trip there. it's my sophomore year in college and a busy one. this year i became a part of the "elite" musical group, the ambassadors. there's five of us that tour around the midwest and sing at churches to advertize our school, it's a ton of fun, excellent experience, and all around a blessing to my spiritual life.

2001 dime
april 2001 - woodbury, minnesota - 22 years old
it's april... six months ago i moved up here to the twin cities to start a new job and to move in with my wonderful boyfriend, brian. just a month ago we bought a townhome in woodbury, a suburb of the twin cities. i also just bought a piano, a beautiful ebony upright yamaha... amazing sound, i love her so much. i'm doing the bulk of the moving-in this weekend because brian's on a ski trip w/ some college buddies, next weekend we'll move all the big stuff in a truck. we recently found an amazing church, mount olive lutheran in south minneapolis. we've been going there since december, i'm sure we'll be going there for a while too, we really like it there, it's strengthened both of our spiritual lives in amazing ways.

current time, no coin, just the vantage point from which i view my life
april 2005 - saint paul, minnesota - 26 years old
it's april... for the first time in many aprils there's not much going on in my life. i'm single, i'm still teaching, and i'm looking to buy a house this fall/winter. my spiritual life has flourshed as i've become more and more involved with my church, not only do i attend and read occasionally, but i'm now also an adult acolyte and an assistant minister. my life has changed SO much since april 1996, but i can confidently say that i'm in the best april of my life so far... life moves fast around you and things change. i don't even remember what my graduation gpa was, i have been separated from brian for over 2 years now, and i'm selling the piano i just paid-off (mainly because mom and dad gave me the family piano and i have no need for two).

its fun to look back... play the game... you'll be amazed at how easy and difficult it can be to look back on your life - but almost 100% of the time it's rewarding.

happy monday!

pope dreams...

first of all, i couldn't fall asleep last night. i could have been the coffee i had at 8pm, or it could have simply been that i wasn't tired - either way, i couldn't sleep.

i was really excited about my new down comforter and the really cool red duvet i got this weekened too - my bed feels so different, so cozy, so warm.

then when i finally did start to doze i was thirsty, or hungry (i didn't eat dinner last night), or i had to go to the bathroom. i even got up at midnite and watched tv, i can't even remember what i watched.

i think i was sleeping later in the night when the strangest dream came to me... i was hangin' out with the cardinals in rome, you know, picking-out a new pope. i was starting to get really friendly with this one guy (not in a gay way, in a very buddy-buddy way, although he WAS very cute), and wouldn't you know it... he got chosen to be the next pope!

the facinating thing, though, was the demeanor behind the scenes in the vatican. the cardinals weren't all "oh, holy art thou, we much choose a holy father from our ranks, lets be all solemn and holy-ish..."

no!

instead, they were all, "hey! how are doin?" "man, i haven't seen you like, forever!"

and when my new friend became the new pope, everyone was cheering and like going crazy like in the lockerroom of the super bowl winners... and this was just the cardinals!

it was really cool though, i was, like SO excited that i was there and a part of this new pope thing... my new friend (who happened to be the new pope also) turned around and even gave me a special blessing for being his friend... i knelt before him and bowed my head, and we all laughed and giggled because we were so excite that this guy was the new pope!

i just remember thinking that i was SO cool, i mean, the pope was a friend of mine!

i know... what a strange dream! and i'm not even catholic!!!

the gateway to change

a flash lights the bluish-grey mist-filled sky as another speedily follows it, causing the people in the room to stop their banter and simultaneously turn toward the window.

everyone knows each other's thoughts, but none speak until the understood alotted time.

an enormous cluster-fuck of sound fills the sky as many of the people in the room hear the season's first clap of resounding midwestern thunder pierce and rumble everything in sight.

"huh, that one was close," one of them says.

thus the cycle continues while accomodating evolution itself.

gone are the days of "looks like the drive home'll be slow," and "ya, i heard duluth's gettin', ya know, like 21 inches... geeze."

ushered-in are the days of "yeah, dat thunder woke up the dogs last night... had to take them out to go... ya know," and "wow, shure looks nice out there, wish i was bladin' around the lakes."

green replaces white.

sunblock replaces scarves and gloves.

the trails replace the gym.

and beers on the porch replace wine in front of the fireplace.

life as we know it, once again, moves outdoors, where we become one family enjoying the beauty of earth's majesty.

then the fucking mosquitos come out and make us all wish it was winter again.

*sigh*

the circle of life continues...

son of a...

BITCH!

this stupid blogger sight hasn't let me post to my stupid blog for 2 days now... those stupid stupid-holes.

let's see if this one goes through...

you heard it from me

yeah, my latest prediction/conspiracy theory:

on good friday (today) both the pope and terri schiavo are going to die. well, if not today, this weekend.

how dramatic would that be!?!?!

i mean, you could say, "i remember where i was when the world lost an ailing pope who hated gays and when the united states lost their heart-breaking battle to stick their noses in the business of dying citizens."

it would be like when reagan died and a large chunk of the country was like "oh my god... how will life EVER go on... quick, we need to name something after him." and the world was like "huh, another dead leader... lucky fucking americans, their leaders die of natural causes or old age... we have one die every fort-night because of radical political ass-holes, poor, poor bitches those americans."

*sigh*

god bless the united states of we-have-no-idea-how-nice-we-have-it-and-still-we-have-to-complain-until-every-person-believes-the-same-way-as-we-radicals-do-and-all-faggots-are-condmned-to-a-life-of-second-class-citizenry.

and contrary to the way this posting looks, i'm actually in a fanTASTIC mood today!!! it's GORgeous outside and its friday, how could it get any better than this???

don't answer that please = )

HAPPY SUPER-JESUS WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!

four non-blogs

[i assume] unlike most of my blogger friends, i don't have a huge list of blogs that i read on a daily basis nor display on my personal blog - i get off quite fine with the 10 or so that wander into and out of my life.

but lately i've noticed that there are about four blogs that just don't get updated often (or at all) and it makes me sad.

these four non-blogs get me all excited every morning (for that's when i read all my blogs) and then slowly let me down when i see distinguishable characteristics of postings i've previously read, i say a cuss under my breath and then move on to the next blog that's listed in my favorites... its sad.

"what SHALL i do?" i ask myself, and then i realize that i'm at work and the answer is obvious. shite... time to actually put company resources to work for them.

*shrug*

consider the source.

ugh

this

day

is

mo-

ving

so

slow-

ly

it

feels

like

its

ne-

ver

go-

ing

to

end.

*sigh*

blog changes!

hey followers of nakachunkoff = )

i'm making a change to my blog today... from now on, only registerred users of "blogger.com" can post comments to my blog.

clarification: you don't have to have a blog w/ blogger, just be registerred with them. it's quick and it's easy.

i don't care if the comment is positive or negative, building me up or tearing me down... i just think it's a courteous adult principle to tell people their opinions directly to someone rather than thru and "anonymous face".

thanx! and happy spring!

tom's chicago ramblings (from chicago)

things i've done so far in chicago:

spertus museum of judacia

navy pier

chicago institute of arts

habatat gallery

a whole slew of other galleries that were around habatat (10 to be exact)

chicago museum of contemporary arts (permanent collection was in, the entire museum was the "universal experience"

smith museum of stained glass windows

shopped the magnificient mile (michigan avenue), bought a FABU new zipper hoodie at h&m

had martinis at gentry while listening to the beautiful piano

yes, and i went to steamworks (as a matter of fact, i'm there now, so ***pbthhhh***)

eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat

smoke

watch cartoon network and the food network (GOD how i miss them)

things i can't WAIT for when i get home

see my cats

sleep in my bed

my pillow... my pillow

believe it or not, i'm excited to get back to work... yeah, i must be coming down with something

my own shampoo, my own shower, my own water, my own food... me me me

see my friends

HOLY WEEK!!!

check my email = ) oh, wait, i'm online now... i can check it now!!!

well folks, that about sums it up! i'm less than 24 hours from being home and i can already say that this was beyond a sucessful vacation... SO relaxing and nice to be alone to do what i want when i want for however long i want and with the person i want to to it with the most, myself. maybe being single isn't that bad afterall (for a tad bit o' time at least).

see ya'll soon!!!

*smooch*

random ramblings

closing weekend is a strange juxtoposition of thoughts and feelings. any sadness gets wiped away when you strike the set.

the longer you do shows the less you're sad to see shows end, that is, unless it pays = )

sushi kicks ass, but it really sucks that we live live in the middle of the country.

jen isn't bitter, she's just horny... really horny.

random gorgeous days in the middle of winter are so cool.

joke: where can it be 56 one day and blizzard-ish the next? oh wait... that's not a joke, that's normalicy in minnesota.

drunk karoke... need i say more?

be wary of co-workers who love it when you rave about how hot their husbands are.

stay away from pot holes, they'll fuck up your car in .3 seconds flat.

the week before vacation is kinda rough... so much anticipation.

meeting strangers and having a drunkenly-awesome time is SOOO cool!!!

hope everyone had a super weekend!

isn't it...

well, the chicago trip has finally been finalized. thank GOD, i'm sick and tired to hell of thinking about it obsessively.

march 13 - 16 i'll be in the windy city letting my hair down, shopping with a sudden influx of money, sleeping with whatever i want to, smoking whatever i want, and drinking martinis from strangers.

and check out my digs while i'm there... fuckin' awesome!!!

humbling moment

i just read an incredible posting at joe. my. god. (katie, if you think i write well, read a little by joe... my postings look like shit compared to his).

but anyway - when i finished reading this amazing blog (which most of his are) i had just the most sad and depressing feeling (perhaps it was the fact that i was also listening to the new air supply cd at the time). i mean, it just seemed to reemphasize that every single fucking person on this planet has his/her own battles that they are fighting. i'm sorry - even the most confident and put-together person has something deep down inside that just eats at them, some are just better at hiding it than others.

it also challenged me to rethink my reactions towards others. we're in this together, we're all floating on the same planet in the same universe, we're all hurting, and we all need to live together. just like when i got my second cat... they didn't like each other very much, but there was absolutly nothing they could do unless i made an executive decision to get rid of one of them (like hell...). we're in the same boat, we're all on this ball together unless the heavens choose to separate us, and i don't think that'll be happening any time soon.

man, its at moments like this that i am reminded of my absolute devotion to air supply.

an anniversary

this week is me and my ipod's 1 year anniversary.

currently she has 3810 songs on her, and she's still as wonderful as the first day i met her.

we crossed paths at nebraska furniture mart in omaha in the last week of february, 2004. she was beautiful, relaxed, white, and willing... i was an emotional mess, desperate for retail therapy, blue as could be, and willing as well. i broke down and swept her into my arms. we made sweet, sweet, musical love as i burned cd after cd onto her in the next few weeks/months, resulting in a most wonderful love-child of perpetual continuous random music that i knew i'd always love an cherish... never a moment wasted... never a dollar missed.

a year has gone by and her lovely sister just got introduced to the world... although she's tempting, i must stay with my first love. we know each other so well and have this connection that is almost supernatural; i long for her, and she puts-out.

that's the most romantic and fulfilling relationship i've had in the past year... and i wouldn't give it up for the world.

i love you ipod *hug*

awesome weekend!!!

i had a super-awesome weekend!!!

first of all, the show opened with great success!!! people LOVE it! the pioneer press was there on saturday and gave us a rave review. but i'm a little peeved at them right now... those FUCKERS require you to register with your name, ADDRESS, PHONE NUMBER, and other shit just to look at more than one article... like HELL i'm going to give a newspaper my address. well, anyway, the link goes to the review... hopefully you won't have to register if you only read it once = )

i also stayed the night at the haunted palace theatre in saint paul! what an amazing experience. the place is almost 100 years old and is condemned... but what a cool building. we climbed around and got dirty and were cold and drank lots of wine and sang on stage and saw ghosts and slept and ate breakfast and then went home. such a fun time.

i didn't get to any of my laundry, but hell, it's worth it to be stinky for a day = )

to my readers

my blog is here for the sole purpose of being an outlet for my ramblings... a place where those who care can take a look into my life... where those who don't care can just click on by.

i love politics and religion, but i would prefer to keep both off of my blog. find me in person and i'll talk your socks off about how big of a fuck-face george w. bush is, or how assinine the social security reform is, or how ass-whipped the organized church is... but on my blog i'm in my other universe. the one in my head that allows me to imagine what life will be when tolerance, love, compassion, true care, and true humanity rule.

fresc, i love you dearly, so i've taken your posting to heart and put it in a separate posting... to read fresc's posting about a real jack-ass comment i got last week, you can read it here.

as for me... well... tonight is the preview of my play, tomorrow is the opening... i think we're ready, if i can only get some sleep and rest = )

*hugs*

proud papa

so, i updated my catster account today! you can now see both of my cats from my side bar under "my life in websites"

enjoy!

thursday ramblings

it is a most disconcerting moment when you are going to the bathroom and notice that your underwear are inside out. i mean, it's weird because up to that moment all seemed fine and dandy then all of a sudden your world has flipped poles and you can actually FEEL a difference "down there." what was perfectly comfortable for the last 5 hours is different, it's unnerving, it's downright uncomfortable. all you can think of for the rest of the day is how in the HELL did this happen and how soon can get it back to normal so as to save yourself any more discomfort.

and then there's the fact that everyone stares at you like they know something is wrong but don't want to offer you help.

the basic goodness of mankind has diminished.

an open letter

to argus:

why are you so concerned about the way i live my backdoor-desiring-life? does it affect the way you sleep at night... does it cause you to look at the cucumbers at the grocery store differently... or is it perhaps the fact that you are so insecure about yourself (read: you have a stick up your tight, virgin, ass) that when someone comes along that is actually enjoying life and basking in it's everyday blessings you just can't stand it.

let me suggest that the next time you desire to rant and rave in the way you just did that you remember these three things:

1) i don't give a flying fuck what you think (and most likely no one else does either).
2) if you don't like the way i live my life, then don't read about it in my blog.
and
3) if most fun thing you can find to do on a wednesday afternoon in february is to read through an entire gay man's blog simply to confirm your suspicion that he is a "pansy", then maybe you should invest in some porn or a dildo or something... make use of your time, don't waste mine.

and now look... you made me waste an entire blog on your un-warranted, weak, homophobic, trashy, (and most likely closeted) rantings.
*********************

a most blessed ash wednesday my friends!

hmmm

i like silly putty.

when i'm stressed, it's always there for me to manipulate and fondle. when i'm frustrated, it's there for me to beat. when i'm bored, it's there to keep my time occupied. and when i'm just here, well, so is my silly putty.

as a trainer i have lots of little cutsy things at my desk to keep myself and my students busy and engaged in training... but nothing keeps me as engaged as my silly putty.

current silly putty color: green.

until...

i bought "the bracelet" this weekend.

that is... the until there's a cure bracelet.

it's a really neat looking bracelet, but quite possibly the neatest thing about it is that 100% of the purchase price goes to the organization. than means when you go to the body shop or kenneth cole or any other retailer to buy the bracelet, the full purchase price goes to "until."

i'm going to have the inside plaque on mine engraved with the simple name "larry".

larry was the first person i ever knew that had aids... unfortunately i had no idea he had aids until he was the first person i ever knew to die of aids.

lets stop making it such a taboo subject... lets fight this thing.

ahhh

what the fuck is going on w/ my blog???

shit... i bet it has something to do with my pic hosting site... damn them.

weekend update

helped friend move

hurt back

cleaned apartment

went on a date

went bowling

drank beer

got beads

churched it

brunched it

looked at new lofts in the area

watched sunday fox tv shows

ate chinese

4 loads of laundry

me misses my mort

me misses my mort
shit-ass, fuck-face, god-damn mort
mwuhg ugh flubh hugh snort

sleeplessness sucks

the last few nights i've taken great pride in being able to snuggle-up in my flannel sheets at times i never knew people could fall asleep at... say 9:30... 10... 10:30.

one problem though... i can't sleep.

i toss, i turn, i meditate, i project myself, i pray, i even get up and drink milk but no matter what i do, i just can't sleep.

last night, for example, i crawled into bed at 10:30 and crawled back out at 11:30 frustrated and angry. i turned on the tv and ate some sharp cheddar. at 12 i crawled back into bed and tossed and turned until 12:58 in which i sad "shit... i'm never going to fall asleep again." in which i fell asleep about 3 minutes later.

the point isn't that i eventually fell asleep, it's that it took 2 1/2 hour to do so.

but the cheese was good!

march on colorado springs

would anyone care to join me on a trek to colorado springs in early may for the dear dr. dobson rally at focus on the family? it's a non-violent 3-day weekend dedicated to debunk dobson's horrible allegations against gays and their "alternative" families. horrible allegations like this:

"they [homosexuals] don't just want marriage. they want to destroy marriage -- and the family -- as we know it." dr james dobson

destroy the family???

it's time that people started thinking logically about these things. why, in god's beautiful earth, would the wonderful and loving gay families in this country want to DESTROY the family? last i checked they were looking for marriage so they could, at the very least, find security and acceptance for their families.

someone go with me... i used to support focus on the family... it's time i stood up to the unwarranted hatred in this world...

jen? will you go with me?

these are a few of my favorite things

snow falling on skyscrapers

candles all over

flannel sheets

weather guys that say we are going to get 6-9 inches of snow

lesbian coffe shops

any given friday

when a cute guy is wearing his pants low and a short t-shirt and he keeps reaching his arms up

january in minnesota

a martini that comes with 1 more olive than you expected

cute waiters

your second family

your first family

warm blankets on soft couches

cats that do the "sleeping jerk" when they're napping on your lap

nightime on a deserted beach

camping

welcome home

when i decided to change the format of my blog i basically asked myself (1) "what DOES your personal universe look like anyway?" to which i also had to ask (2) "what IS your personal universe?" to which i ended with (3) "when in your life have you felt like you were in your own personal universe?"

my answer to these questions (last to first) was this:
(3) i've most often felt like i was in my personal universe when around water. i grew up on lake michigan and had a small stream in my backyard... since birth, water has been my focal point and i've always been in my own world when around it ever since.
(2) my personal universe is where i feel the most comfortable... where everything around me disappears... where life as i know it no longer matters... where i can sit for hours and never miss the time.
(1) it looks like a rocky beach on lake michigan. it looks like the lighthouse i grew up by. it sounds like the waves crashing on the rocks on the shore. it looks like water.

welcome to the new "nakachunkoff's personal universe"! my foundation is a sandy shore. my words are backed up by river stones. and my title is the very same lighthouse i grew up by, the one i used to sit on for hours while only staring into the lake and hearing only the sound of water and seagulls.

everytime i look at this blog i'll remind me of what i dearly miss... what i dearly love... and what brings me the most peace i've possibly ever experienced in my entire life. hopefully the visuals will help you, too, to find your own personal universe.

i see big changes ahead...

fyi - i'm making some asthetic changes to my blog either today or tomorrow... be aware that in that timeframe my blog may have some times where it's a little funky, please be patient!

crabby lobster

i'm a crabby lobster today.

ok, so i'm not really crabby... just looking for an excuse to be able to say whatever i want to say with absolutly no accountability at all (which is the best way to speak if you ask me).

i've already blamed:
being up late last night (although i wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway),
oversleeping this morning (though i was still at work on time),
almost missing the bus (note the word "almost"... i really caught it just in time),
oh, and the cold (though it's going to warm up to a balmy 29 today - shorts weather!).

ooh, i think i'm going to blame the lack of snow. yeah. that's it.

there's no snow on the ground so i'm crabby. (although there really IS snow on the ground... it's just not fresh).

crap... i have no real excuse for being crabby... other than it is SO MUCH FUN!!!

stangel elementary school

i happened upon this pic this morning... my old elementary school!!! it's amazing how tiny those buildings look when you see them 14 years later. wow.

i also noticed that the school's nickname is still the "stangel stars." i'd like to set the record straight and mention that we had a contest when i was in 5th grade or so for a school nickname... we ended up with the "stangel stars." how cool is it to know that you left your mark on elementary students for years and years.

the memories i have there...
like how the bus drove along the shores of lake michigan every morning on the way to school (damn, i miss that lake terribly)...
like getting detention for throwing ice on the playground...
for being afraid of fingerpainting in kindergarden because i was afraid of getting my fingers dirty (no comments please)...
of my FAVORITE teacher in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, mr. o'...
for crying when 3rd grade ended because i didn't want to loose mr. o' as a teacher...
for the school forest...
for sex ed...
for new kids on the block!!!

gosh, i had a good childhood = ) thanx stangel elementary!!!

pregmata

i, the pious and humble tom, am showing signs of the pregmata. yes, the pregmata, those holy signs of the virgin mother's pregnancy. many claim that the pregmata is fake and even blasphemous, but i am a testament to it's reality... how do i know these to be true?

1) last night i almost fainted... i got all light-headed and pale. i had to sit down and get some water to make sure i didn't whack my nose on the concrete.

2) i'm having cravings... i want to eat everything in sight and nothing sounds bad.

3) certain things have started to make me sick to my stomach... diet soda, sugar-free producs, "lite" fares... etc. even the smell of a soy-latte makes me want to vomit.

and the most obvious reason why i'm showing signs of the pregmata:

4) my mid-section has been getting bigger, my pants are getting tighter, and i'm bloating.

if you'd like to come and pray at my feet in the presence of this most holy of miracles, please contact me. take your time though, i'm not sure this miracle will be leaving me any time soon.

O benedictum fructum ventris Maria,
Ad te clamamus, Ad te suspiramus,
Gementes et flentes, in hac lacrimarum valle.

never in the united states

Across Europe at noon Wednesday (6 a.m. EST), politicians, workers and tourists observed a three-minute silent tribute for the victims across southern Asia. TV and radio stations interrupted programming and church bells rang.

never in the united states of america would this EVER happen... it makes me sad to even think of what people would say, how big-business would react to the "3,000 [employees] x 3 minutes", or our citizens simply not caring to stop their life for something literally 1/2 a world away.

ka-RAY-zeeee day...

offsite meetings, onsite meetings, crazy project meetings, and not enough time in the day to finish it all.

wow, 2005 is starting off to be a really busy year for me!

first rehearsal for the firebugs was last nigth... wow, this is going to be a really cool show. fyi - no nudity, no gay stuff, and not even really controversial... just a good ol' "make ya think" play from the 1950's. should be fantastic. check out the side bar for dates of the production and put them on your calendar!

ok, back to work now!

man bag

the minneapolis star tribune has a GREAT article on the popular rise of man bags. i must say i've never really gotten shit for carrying around my man bag (or a purse as i call it) as a matter of fact, i'm quite proud of mine *proud grin*

check out the article here