happy holiday *jab*

in december of every year a tension rises between belief systems all over the world over the usage of terminology of the particular holidays people celebrate.

merry christmas?

happy chanukah?

cool yule?

happy kwanza?

or the blanket, happy holidays!

when did the acknowledgement that there was more than one holiday at this time of year become so offensive? when did grouping the holidays together in one greeting to cover everyone's holiday cheer become a term that causes people's blood to boil.

i blame the christians. really, i do.

in a country that is primarily christian i've found that the people most offended by "happy holidays" are christians. they're offended because they feel that "happy holidays" is denying the existance of their christmas, that it somehow is meant to ignore christmas, that it's meant to piss them off. well my dear friends, YOU'RE pissing me off.

we don't live in a christian country - we live in a country where the christians believe that they're deserved of a christian nation... personally, a christian nation scares the shit out of me.

i'm not offended by "merry christmas" but i'm definately more attracted to "happy holidays" because it acknowledges that not everyone in this country loves jesus so much that they worship him via boxoffice, vote him into office, or lick the soles of james dobson.

really folks, is it SO terrible to wish EVERYONE the happiest during their holiday - i guess it is, especially if your holiday just so happens to be the wrong one.

300th post!!!

*** i just noticed that this is my 300th post! and how appropriate, it's about shitting! ***

question: what do the following things have in common?

• pooping
  
• peeing
  
• that-time-of-the-month-ing
  
• farting
  
• burping
  
• boob adjusting
  
• ball itching

answer: they're all things that our bodies MUST do to survive or they're things we MUST do in order to be comfortable in our bodies... and they're all things that we're not allowed to do unless we're in private.

begin rant: why the hell are we so ashamed of the things that we HAVE to do in order to survive? i mean, every human farts. every human poops. every human pisses. every human has to burp or fart at some time. and every human just needs to scratch, itch, and move-it-a-little-to-the-left sometimes. yet we get looked at like we're the most rude person on this celestial ball if we do it outside of our own private universe.

i've even seen people talk about how inappropriate it is to fart loudly in the bathroom... IN THE BATHROOM!?!?!? WHERE ELSE AM I GONNA FART!?!?!

my wish for this yule season isn't for peace on earth or food for every starving child...

i want to be able to fart in a meeting without being embarrassed because everyone else in the meeting understands that i just had to do it otherwise i'd have terrible stomach cramps.

i want to be able to scratch my balls while teaching without being thought of as a perve because my students understand that sometimes, underwear can really be uncomfortable when it bunches-up.

i want to stop hearing my sisters talk about taking dumps in stalls that are next to each other and how funny it was... i want to be in the stall next to them laughing my ass off that one of them just let out a huge fart.

really folks... why are humans such freakin' prudes?

so anyway... 300th post... my gift to you... have a cool yule!

on blogs and killer orgasms

you know what i really HATE? when you write up an awesome post and use the ever-so-convenient "email" option to email your post to blogger and it bounces back... without your sent message attached so you can at least copy and paste it directly into the site.

boo - hiss

and then you think about writing the post again but the energy just isn't the same. energy is like a killer orgasm, it's only temporary - once it's done it's done. and i mean "killer" as in KICK-ASS, AMAZING, TINGLING... not an orgasm that kills you.

speaking of orgasms that kill you... the other day i was talking to a fairly new friend of mine and she mentioned how she had an INCREDIBLE session of sex w/ her [stunningly gorgeous] husband and afterwards he went to the bathroom and passed out on the tile floor. her face had pure terror in it as she told us that she seriously thought she had killed her husband. and then she followed it with "but at least he had a smile on his face."

thank the GODS that he didn't die... he's a breathlessly HOT canadian dentist who lives in the cities with his equally GORGEOUS and brilliant wife (my new friend).

so there... another post - not the same as the original, but equally as fun and raunchy!

rites of winter

rites of winter, everybody's got them. you know, those moments that make you stop and think "*gasp* that's the first [insert rite here] of winter! man i LOVE winter!"

my rites of winter (in no particular order):

• the first snowfall
  
• the first sub-zero temperature (NOT counting wind chill)
  
• wearing your stocking hat in the coffee shop
  
• wearing gloves for the first time
  
• the first time your nostrils freeze together
  
• days without sunshine
  
• the moment you realize your car is warmed-up enough that you can take your gloves off
  
• static electricity

it's all so fantastic, so refreshing, so alive. i don't get it, people complaining about winter... to me it's the earth finally saying to us "see here you little shit... i DO have control over you!" and all you can do is lean back, put another blanket on the bed, put another shot of whiskey in your coffee, and say "have at it, jack frost."

it's nice to give up control every once in a while, isn't it? *grin*

the better person

i have every reason in the entire universe to be the biggest BITCH today.

but i choose to rise above my trials.

i have every reason in the whole of corporate america to be an ASS HOLE this very minute.

but i choose to be the stronger employee.

i have every right in the world to be PISSED OFF BEYOND BELIEF as i write this.

but i choose to let my irritabilities disapperate.

i choose to take a deep breath, recognize that some things you just can't control, remember that everyone is allowed their opinion, that everyone makes mistakes, that sometimes the best thing to do is walk away, that silence is truly golden, that gossip ultimately hurts someone, and that this evening holds the promise of a warm and cozy bed for me to rest in at which time i can let this day finally fizzle away into mere memories in my mind.

jesus is NOT the reason for the season

from healinghappens.com:

"Yule (~ Dec 21) marks the longest night of the year -- the triumph of the dark half of the year. Night and darkness have reached their apex and the Wheel turns to restore balance. The dawn heralds the return of the sun, bringer of light, warmth, and growth. In the days following Yule, the sun’s power grows steadily, encroaching upon the night, pushing back the darkness.

"The darkness of this longest night holds many lessons. One of the most powerful is the awareness that hope and light spring forth from deepest darkness. Here, indeed, is the message “that the darkest hour comes just before the dawn”. As we wait quietly in the darkness, we honor the stillness and the mystery of the night, and light the Yule log to summon the sun’s return. In the summoning of the sun, we work in partnership with Nature to preserve balance. Similarly, when faced with difficult challenges in our lives, we are partners with the Universe in manifesting hope out of despair."

it no wonder that early christians grabbed onto the sacred pagan holiday of yule. the very holiday itself focuses on the darkness of the earth and the approaching sun. christian's around the world use this sacred sacred pagan holiday and bastardize it by inserting their own god in it's place. jesus is the "sun" that breaks through the longest dark night of humanity. on christmas eve they sit in darkness (as pagans still do while celebrating yule a few days earlier) and await the "sun" of god to appear to slowly bring light to a [spiritually] dying race of man.

jesus, my friends, is NOT the reason for the season... jesus unfortunately lost his true birthday to a race of god-seeking men who couldn't stand the fact that someone believed differently than they did.

it's a shame, really...

christmas time in the city

the park that my apartment looks over has been covered in gorgeous christmas lights. the glow makes my entire apartment glow but it's well worth it... i love christmas.

here's some pics... they're not too clear cause i'm a stupid-camera-person who can't figure out my stupid camera. oh well = )

pics!

pics too!

the old man and the sauce

ok... THIS story is quite possibly the highlite of my life. really.

picture it, chicago, 2006. i'm on the red-line train heading south to my hotel (notice how all the good stories are on the train?). i'm surrounded by drunk kids dressed-up for the myriad of halloween parties in the city. on the last bench in the train there is a bum. he's alone on his bench and has about five pairs of pants on, each one pulled down slightly farther than the next reaching all the way to his knees. he has an american flag and a bottle of hot sauce. yes, hot sauce.

he has three teeth that are visible and is mumbling to himself. noone wants to stare so we mind our own business and take glances at him when we get the chance. my diversion: a book. believable and easy to look over the top edge without being obvious.

there is a rustling in the train so i look up. everyone is staring at the bum who has taken the cap off of his hot sauce and has proceeded to shake it onto the train floor in a large arching circle around him... ALL the way around him. he finishes his strange ritual by sprinkling a bunch on the empty seat next to him. put hot sauce cap back on... sit back with flag and continue mumbling.

um... ok. i can deal with this... back to the book.

another rustling. look up. this time the bum is drinking hot sauce directly out of the bottle. he smacks his lips like it's the best thing he's ever tasted. then he looks out the window and lets out a blood curdling scream. he just screams and screams. any decent human would be concerned for the guy, but the rest of us ass-holes on the train look at him and start laughing. a kid hands him a cigarette and a lite. the bum lights up and starts smoking. THIS, of course, is funny too because it's illegal to smoke on the train.

soon enough, as probably could have been guessed, the hot sauce comes out again as the bum sprinkles it on his cigarette. finally someone speaks to him and says, "that's good stuff, huh?" to which he says "yeaaaaaahhhhhhh."

case solved: hot sauce is good.

life goes on until the bum's index finger all of a sudden points up in the air dramatically as both the bum and all the rest of "us" stare at it, wondering what it's going to do next. the finger goes around a little bit making a track in the air and then breaks sequence suddenly and plunges into a big pool of hot sauce on the floor of the train. it was HILLAROUS watching everyone's eyes follow this "bouncing ball" all over the place and then suddenly land on the hot sauce puddle. the finger stays in the puddle as all of just stare. then, ever so slowly, the finger rises up and goes straight into... yeah... the bum's mouth. he smacks his lips yet one more time and says "ahhhhhhhh."

thinking things couldn't get any better for a blog posting, he then pulls out a welfare-ish check and starts to write all over the back of it with his pen. some guy on the train stopped him to tell him to only endorse it on the top but the bum yelled at the kid and said that he was just writing his name. without warning the pen's tip goes straight into the air and nose dives straight into the same puddle of hot sauce on the ground that the finger was in not five minutes ago. the pen stays in the puddle for a while before slowly being lifted back to the check to write his name more times on the back with "hot sauce ink."

i'm about to say i really like this guy, till he pulls out a large poster of queen nefertiti (yeah, the egyptian one) and starts to scream on top of his lungs about how the white man fucked her over and how she's got screwed and such.

cue the "i don't like him any more... he's just CRAZY now" music.

i mean... how crazy can you get? the white man screwed over queen nefertiti??? man oh man... nothing's crazier than that.

geeze louise...

the train of death, part due

on friday i met up with my friend nic who moved to chi-town a couple months ago. our goal: drink and eat and drink.

our first stop was the hancock building. NOW... you can pay $15 or something like that to visit the observation deck on the 94th floor OOORRR you can take a free ride up to the 96th floor and drink at their awesome restaurant/bar/lounge up there... now... which would you choose? paying $$$ for screaming kids and tourists or paying $$$ for drinks HIGHER than the tourists, with a BETTER VIEW than the tourists, and a much more suave atmosphere??? you choose.

anyway, nic and i had to take the red line train north of the loop to get to the building so we jumped on a train and LIKE A FUCKIN' BRICK WALL we were on the GD train of death AGAIN!. i, being way more obnoxious about it this time, said "this fuckin' train??? i was on this damn train last night!" to which nic replied "JESUS, i was on this train yesterday afternoon." so we looked at each other and said "fuckit" and moved into the other train.

i can't tell you how proud i was that i stood up for myself (and said "fuck" so proudly and loudly in a public place). i was beaming while the other stupid lemmings stayed behind and watched nic and i sneak through the "emergency" doors into the train behind ours. only one or two people followed us, and the train was way fuller than when i was on it the night before.

when we got on the other car everyone looked at us and started laughing. yeah... most of that car had crammed into it as refugees from the train of death.

and there, folks, is a story of one man's maturation from lemming to leader. well, more like loud-mouthed-show-off-leader *grin*

the train of death

i know many bad smells... MANY:

• poop
  
• pee
  
• b.o.
  
• bad breath
  
• ass-rot
  
• rotton food
  
• slaughtered animals
  
• belly button lint
  
• vomit
  
• "asparagus" piss
  
• lesbian

but when i got on the south-bound red-line train on thursday night i ran into an odor so hideous, so amazingly putrid, so beautifully evil that i could do nothing but think it had to be the one thing that i think i really don't know... dead human body.

i swear to all that is holy that someone died and rotted for at least seven and a half hours in that train car. i think the others in the train would have agreed w/ me too.

what did i do? did i go to a new car? did i sneak to the next train or just wait on the platform for the next train?

no... like a fuckin' lemming i sat on the train of death and covered my nose and mouth.

i can't tell you how many people got on the train and did the same as me... dumb asses. but the people i was the most impressed with were some drunk and VERY obnoxious kids that got on the train, spilled more expletives than i could even muster up (imagine that...) and at the next stop got out and ran up to the next train.

i have to say, i was very impressed with those kids and was pretty jealous that i hadn't stood up for my own nose and done the same.

the tipsy plane

i've made it through security and am ready to blow this joint only to find out that my flight has been delayed by half an hour. no problem, it gave me time to grab some food, eat, and... yes... study. it also gave me time to admire the bountiful beauty of cute guys aparantly going to chicago as well *grin*

when i FINALLY got on the plane i was pleasantly surprised to see that i would be spending my flight next to one of the cuter of the guys i had noticed earlier... tommie happy.

we ignored each other for the first part of the flight, that's what guys do (it's universal regardless if you're gay or straight). but when the drink cart came along and i ordered gin and the flight attendant gave it to me for free (cause she said i was "so damn cute"... no lie... that's exactly what she said!) his ears perked-up. he got himself a drink and of course she gave him the drink free too cause he was "so damn cute" (those were my words, not hers - lol). we started talking.

the conversation started with the typical "going home or leaving home" and merged into "what do you do." no sooner had we figured out that he works for the financial planning subsidiary for my company and the conversations just went wild. that's when the flight attendant discreetly dropped an additional bottle of booze for each of us accompanied by a "you boys didn't see anything... but i sure hope you tell everyone how wonderful your flight w/ AIR TRAN was). *grin*

as we downed our remaining drinks we got to a personal level and discussed how he went to college just 1/2 hour from where i grew up, where i went to college (and DIDN'T finish college - he said the whole "incident" was "totally fucked-up"), and how we were going to have a BLAST this weekend away from home.

when the plane landed and we both stood up we glanced at each other with slightly shocked looks... words really didn't need to be said other than "man, i'm tipsy."

man i love AIR TRAN!

oh the places i've gone...

i'm back from chicago and have so many stories to tell that i'm kind of overwhelmed = ) here's a short taste of stories that will be written up this week:

the tipsy plane
the train of death
the train of death, part due
the old bum and the sauce
um... don't i know you?

just something for you all to look forward to! man, some of these stories are really good...

fah-q

last night i had beer bladder and had to go to the bathroom in the stall because several other guys had beer bladder at the same time.  

on the stall wall i saw "fah-q" written.  it took me a sec to figure out what it meant and then i caught it and like an epiphany is supposed to be, i laughed so hard that i pissed on the toilet seat.  = )

i can't say how pleased i am to see that bathroom stall vandals are FINALLY getting unique.  i mean... i always get a laugh when i see "here i sit all broken hearted..." but when i see something like "fah-q" it makes me proud to be a public stall user... i've been enlightned!

side note:  i'm leaving this afternoon for a 3-day trip to chicago.  vacation is greatly needed in my life so i'm getting up and leaving for a long weekend.  i'm not planning on bringing my laptop along to post so you may not hear from me till early next week.  but you should be used to that... nakachunkoff's personal universe has had a black hole lately that's been sucking all life energy from it  *grin*

have a good weekend!!!

fun with my hole

i bit the inside of my lip twice in two minutes this morning while eating a lowfat cranberry orange scone.  it hurt like a bitch, but now that the throbbing and searing pain has gone away there's a hole in my lip where i bit it.  it's actually really fun to play with it.

look!  my tongue is in my hole!

look!  now it's not!

he he - this is going to be such a fun day...

true mcdonald's story

the setup
me: hungry
mcdonald's lady: lunchlady-ish, old-ish, "i smoke 3-packs a day"-ish

the conversation
me: i'd like a #11 please.
ml: what kind of sauce would you like?
me: hot mustard please

(slapping packets on the counter)

ml: (loudly) HE LIKES HIS MUSTARD LIKE HE LIKES HIS WOMEN!
me: (feigning astonishment) wow! (chuckle) how'd you know!?!?

(pause)

ml: WELL... (dramatic deep breath) when you've lived this long you learn a thing or two.

wow... i can't wait till i'm older so i know what it's like to be uncannily smart.

WHITE!

EEEEKKKK IT'S SNOWING!!!

road trip!

bf and i went on a super-fab road trip this weekend. the trip went south of the twin cities to austin, mn where we visited the spam museum (yes, you read that right... the spam museum). we then went east to winona, mn, crossed the beautiful mississippi river, and went north on the scenic hwy 35 up the river. we stopped in alma, wi to look off of a cliff WAY up in the air (i was able to see up jesus' skirt), and then further up the road to wabasha, mn where we crossed over the grand missi-sip and up thru red wing, mn back to the twin cities.

we were on the road for probably seven hours total but saw some amazing land, beautiful trees, and... well... spam. = ) here are some pics from the top of the bluff in alma.

this is on top of the cliff looking down at alma and hwy 35. in the distance you can see the way too phallic power plant.

this is on top of the cliff looking down at the river and the lock and dam #4. the mississippi is full of locks and dams... that damn goldilocks, always gettin' aunt flow involved in every family dispute.

this is ME on top of the cliff. i look grumpy but i'm actually quite happy - i'm on a fabu road trip with my bf AND i just saw up jesus' skirt!

hmmm, it's that damn dam again. only this time there's two people that look like they're sitting on nothing and thinking about jumping. DON'T JUMP!!! NIAGRA FALLS IS SO MUCH MORE DRAMATIC!

ahhh, bf. everybody say "hi bf!!!"

hope you enjoyed!!!

eff-why-eye

work: i continue to use the middle stall here at work because it offers much-needed respite from my increasingly busy job.  this is the way i see it: to work more than my usual hours requires energy and stamina.  to gain that stamina and energy i must ingest coffee.  coffee makes me poop.  therefore, "middle stall" time should accurately be reported as overtime.  not like it matters though, salaried employees don't get paid for overtime.  how do i justify the two?  i bring personal reading in the the stall with me.  i report overtime and get in some reading at the same time.

grad school: they don't have a middle stall at school so, instead, i use breaks to call my bf to bitch and moan about the indian girl who sits next to me and picks her toe nails in the middle of class, slowly... creating... a pile... of ripped-off nails that gross the hell out of me.

bf: ahh, the bf.  so caring.  so understanding.  so forgiving.  so nice.  

other: you'll NEVER guess who i ran into the other day on the street... "cute bus guy"!!!  he recognized me right away and said hi.  he's still cute as before but has grown his hair out really long and has a beard now.  but i think he's straight... i mean... we ran into each other while bf and i were walking home after work the other day and if "cute bus guy" was gay he TOTALLY would have given me a dirty eye for walking around w/ a cute guy (bf).  i don't think he was jealous at all thus i think, sadly enough, that he's straight.

ok, i'm going to try to get this thing updated more often now... i'm sick of people bitching about my lack of blogging (you know who you are).

OH MY GOD!

OHMYGODAIRSUPPLYISONTHERADIOANDI'MSOFUCKIN'EXCITED!!!!!

*breathe tom... breathe...*

i'm teaching a two-day class right now and the students are doing a lab so i had the radio on to make things a little less boring and "making love out of nothing at all" came on.  it's taking a TON of self control to not absolutly freak out in front of my class right now.

gawd i love air supply...

shit-kicker day

happy tom's-wearing-his-shit-kicker's day!

mucho mucho apologies on my non-blog-ish-nicity.

wake up
poop
shower
go to work
eat lunch
go to work
do homework
kiss and hug bf
eat dinner
do homework
go to bed
rinse and repeat

#513

reason number #513 why i love living downtown:

over a 45 minute lunch break i went home, put a load of dishes in the dishwasher and washed (and put away) the ones that didn't fit, put a load in the washer, folded and put away a load in the dryer, dusted, swept, and vacuumed!

all to whitney houston blasting out her bleeding little heart. poor skank is getting a divorce, maybe we'll get another "broken hearted" album out of this tragedy. = )

a slew of haiku about the bf's new deck

your back was so bare
you needed something back there
oh, my bf's home.

the plans completed
the construction has started
when will you be done?

the rains came on hard
and now the weekend is here
why are you not done?

oh glory! you're here!
oh glory! you are perfect!
oh glory! FINALLY!

at six by twenty
you are so hard and so long
you give me shivers.

we are so hungry
and we want to cook food outside
hey! we need a grill!

off to the sears store
off to shop with lesbians
off to buy a grill!

you are so shiny
you are so perfectly hot
woof, come home with us!

nu UH! you don't fit!?!?!?
you have GOT to be kidding
me. get outta town!

ooh! me! idea!
roll the grill to bf's home
on dolly from sears!

la-de-da-de-da
grill on dolly plus whitey
in flip-flops - oi vey!

over the ghetto
and thru the hood to bf's
house i go... with grill!

made it home. *pant - pant*
put dolly in car. *pant - pant*
what the hell is on my shorts?!?!?!? AXEL GREASE? jebus-cripes man, it's all over my leg and my shorts and my hands... SONOFA... now how the hell am i supposed to get THIS out!?!?!

thanks for the advice
moms can be so wonderful
almost no grease left!

grill is together
lights are now strung on the deck
party time is now = )

can't wait till tonight
drinks and food on the new deck
(i really like my new boyfriend - *grin*)

sticky soles

bf and i have been dating now for about two and a half months (is that ALL??? it seems so much longer, man how time flies). i digress...

anyway, bf has on several occasions made note that i have holes in my socks or that my undergarments seem a little, *ahem* worn. i HATE buying these items because i hate spending money on things other people don't see. i mean, i don't care if there's a hole in my sock or if my tighty-whities are more like loosey-off-whities, YOU'RE not going to see them, right?

well, the sock thing finally came to a head (heel?) today.

you see, there's a hole the size of a pencil eraser on the heel of my right sock - no problem right? wrong. every time i step on my right foot my heel-skin attaches itself to the bottom of my shoe through my hole. every time i step on my left foot (lifting my right foot) the foot goes up but the skin stays attached for a few seconds causing my right foot to feel like the shoe is grabbing ahold of my heel and not letting go! it's a creepy feeling actually.

i'm going home over lunch today, am i going to change my sock... prolly not. but i'm taking this moment to publicly state that, yes bf, my socks have holes in them. tonight when you come over you have permission to dig my right sock out of the hamper and throw it away. BUT ONLY THE RIGHT ONE! there's nothing wrong with the left one... yet. = )

whirlwind of factoids

too much to talk about and way too much to blog about, therefore you get a summarization of the last seventy-two hours:

1. two bbq's in ~five hours w/ the bf which included two full bbq potluck dinners within two hours of each other. loads of sun, thank buddha it was a gorgeous saturday.
   
2. move a friend, lots of lifting, lots of unloading, more sun, too much sweating, and titty sweat marks on my shirt. so sexy folks.
   
3. got my grades from my first grad school class... i got an A!!!!!
   
4. i made the news! kare 11 (a local station) did a story on my camp noah trip. you can view the video that was on the news here. note that it's the second video clip. oh, and i'm in it... see you if you can spot me.
   
5. it's a very dark and grim monday... JUST the way i like them. i woke up and saw that the sun was nowhere to be seen and that it was all dark-ish outside and i jumped out of bed more energized than i've been in WEEKS! i know i'm twisted, but the darkness just reminds me that summer is ending and that, thank the green man, winter and fall are just around the corner.
   
6. evil children are totally cool
   
7. i like coffee

i think that summarizes most of it.

stuff-on-a-stick day

yesterday was state fair day. a full 9 hours at the fair turned-out two very tuckered-out fags that needed to just lay back and watch old elvira movies last night.

for state fair virgins... the state fair is good for three things: eating, free stuff, and farm boys.

the eating:

• about-a-foot-long hotdog
  
• pulled-turkey sandwich
  
• sweet martha's cookies
  
• big ol' bucket o' fries
  
• strawberry and apple carmel sundaes
  
• several cokes
  
• salt water taffy

the free stuff:

• four-colored pen from mutual of omaha's wild kingdom
  
• gift cards from home depot
  
• and other crap

the farm boys:

• the poultry/rabbit barn (cocks and hares)
  
• the cattle barn (teats and cow showers and such - that barn should have a warning over the door: "warning: this building may cause an intense desire to prod... cattle that is")

of course, the final thing to do was the ever-famous trip down the ye old mill ride. of course, we got sat with two other people in the boat which was left-boat-heavy (port or starboard?) which caused us to feel like we were going to tip over. actually, i think we almost did tip over at one point, my shoes got soaked.

anyway, i'm off to two bbq's today - happy close-to-the-end-of-summer!

the holiest of shit

i am in amazed shock that two of my greatest loves, poop and coffee, have been combined in a natural process that perfects the both of them at the same time!

thanks to char-boy i have discovered the amazing world of kopi luwak. this coffee has taken a KILLER three-hour tour in to the mouth of, through the g.i. track of, and out of the ass of a luwak. it's then harvested and cleaned-up and roasted and sold as one of the world's most rare and expensive coffees. people's reviews of are amazing and i MUST try it myself.

char-boy hasn't tried it, he just told me about it. the next opportunity i get i'm ordering a sampler packet of this shit-coffee and trying it myself... man i can't wait!!!

poop coffee!!!! what's next, vomit chocolate?!?!?!

another gorgeous day...

nothing really to talk about here, just another gorgeous day during a nearly-perfect minnesota august. temperatures have been in the mid 80's during the day and dropping into the mid to low 60's at night. the sun has been shining brightly with a consistently nice mix of clouds to break it up. and life has been very good.

on days like this i wonder what will happen next, 1) a penny will fall from a tall building and slice me in two or 2) life will continue to get better and better resulting in the bf buying me a gorgeous diamond ring and asking me to marry him.

of course, realistically, neither will happen an most likely life will just do it's thing and ebb and flow and this and that and up and down like normal. and i guess i can deal with that, consistent near-perfection isn't worth bitching about. = )

namaste'

trash seeker

one day, when i was a child, my dad gathered my sisters and i and walked us to the living room.  he marched to the middle of the room where there was a scrap of paper laying in the middle of the floor.  he reached over, picked it up, and flipped it over so all of us could see the back of it.  written on the back of the paper was a short note, "whoever picks up this piece of paper, bring it to dad and he'll give you $1."  dad's point was that us kids needed to start caring about how the house looked and start picking up outside of the organized "saturday morning cleanup."  case in point, this piece of paper was put in the living room by my dad days earlier and nobody had touched it.

to this day, this moment affects me every single day.  this next statement is in no way exagerated... EVERY time i see a piece of trash on the ground my immediate thought is is someone placed it there and is watching to see if someone will care enough to pick it up.  the trash could be at work, in an elevator, in the skyway, or even on the street... my first thought is always a curious thought if someone's nearby watching me to see if i'll be the one to care.

i love my city and any chance i get, i try to pick up trash and throw it away at the nearest can.  i don't care about getting my hands dirty because i just want my city to look nice... but EVERY time i pick up a piece of trash i question myself as to if i'm doing it because i care about how the city looks or if i'm doing it because i'm afraid someone nearby planted it and i just don't want to be one of the people who just walks by and ignores it.  

unfortunately, this causes me not to pick up trash sometimes because i'm afraid that i'm doing it purely for selfish reasons... i just want to be the one that somebody sees as "the one who cares" and i want that to make me feel good.

thanks dad...

OMG!

DARK CHOCOLATE M&MS ARE BACK!!!  I'M SO FREAKIN' EXCITED I COULD JUST SQUEEEEEEEL!!!

my pants were full of shit

well... not literally but they might as well have been.

bf and i went to another gay movie last night at the lagoon theatre in uptown. folks, i haven't laughed so hard in ages. and you know what a jovial soul i am, always laughing and farting and snorting and telling poop jokes.

this movie... THIS movie, i tell you, is the most crass, obscene, rude, crude, soft-pornographic, disgusting, unnerving, hillarious, side-splitting, unholy, piece of amazingly blessed cinematic artwork that has hit the silver screen in, well, maybe ever. i truly belive the "bvm" would agree with me as well.

for those of you who are uneducated in the movie's specifics, it is a spin-off of the "scary movie" and "another date movie" genre. it takes quite a few well-known movies/tv shows and plays a farce on their most memorable scenes while wrapping it all in a very VERY queer rainbow duvet with a delicate rosebud hand-stitched in one corner. on the way home bf and i came up with this list of movies/tv shows that were spun off in the movie(a question mark following it denotes that we weren't sure if it was an official spin-off or just a very close match):

• queer as folk
  
• broken hearts club
  
• carrie
  
• american pie
  
• psycho
  
• mommy dearest
  
• trick (?)
  
• something about mary (?)
  
• savage love... (San Torum High School)!
  

anyway... this movie rocked. i think it may have passed my to-date favorite crass unholy movie, south park the movie. i think bf and i need to go see it again, man oh man was it funny...

left is right and right is oh so outdated

where: caribou coffee
when: this morning
what: a queer with a single gold hoop in his right ear
freak out: WHA?  us gay boys still DO THAT THANG???  i'm sorry, that's SO 80's.  am i wrong???

threshold

i have crossed a threshold in my new school experience - i have completed my first grad school paper!!!

my 3-5 page paper turned into an 8 pager with the help of my new coffee shop and a glass of killer shiraz. i tell you, grad school is turning out to be a TON more fun that my undergrad... i mean... i NEVER finished a paper in undergrad while buzzed from booze - i think i'm going to like grad school = )

one complaint though, APA FORMAT. i mean, who the HELL writes with only one space after periods and no blank lines between sections to give formatting??? i guess one plus is that i can write in courier 12pt which fills a page in approx 2 words - lol.

ok, i'm going home, the shop closes in 20 minutes and i should get some rest so i can proofread what i wrote tomorrow before i go to work.

one last note - i love the new apple wireless mighty mouse, it fuckin' kicks ass... no... really.

offense...

riddle me this:  as a woman, would you be offended if you found out that at work your husband was referring to you as "my roommate" or "that girl" or "my first wife?"

distracted

i'm in class right now and can't tell you how FREAKING EXCITED i am that our room has blackboards in it! AND my teacher uses them!!! we even did a presentation the other day and i was able to write on one... i was tickled.

*sigh*

i guess not everything is going tech = )

randoms

today's just a bunch of randoms cause i can't get my shit together.

• the temperature has dropped in the cities and i can finally walk to work without my underside becoming a moist vortex that my tighties get caught in.
  
• yesterday i proved that i'm truly back in college... my lunch of soda and a twix was hastily eaten on the way to class.
  
• the 48 hours of rain we had in the last few days gave me NUMEROUS opportunities to use my new umbrella. there's nothing sweeter than using an umbrella; it's like being in a movie or something, it's just so surreal.
  
• the cold i caught on the way back from camp noah is finally disappearing, not till i passed it off to my bf that is. *grin*
  
• apple freakin' ROCKS!
  

well, that's about all today, well, for now. maybe i'll blog more later while i'm in class.

school daze

a mere two days after getting back from camp noah and i'm whizzing right around to go back to school. grad school snuck up on me; a trip to target elicited an "oh shit! i need school supplies!" and checking my university email elicited an "oh shit! i have cubic ass-loads of prework to do before monday's class!"

oh, the joys of school daze-out.

walking around on campus yesterday, though, was refreshing and fun. i always loved college and have kind of missed the feel in the last couple years... that was short lived though, i no longer have to miss it cause i'm living it now! i'm so excited!!!

special thanks to the bf for being so understanding during my busy work and school schedule - i tell all of you, this one is quite special = )

camp noah - daily lessons

i thought it may be nice for you guys to know what we talked about during the camp… this posting is a short discussion of the daily lessons and teachings:

day one: preparation – noah prepared for the flood by listening to god and building an ark. he prepared for the flood w/ his wife, his three sons (ham, shem, and japheth), and their wives. the kids prepared for the flood by packing, listening to the weather, and generally figuring out where they were going.

day two: evacuation – noah evacuated by getting into the ark with two of every animal as well as with is family. the kids evacuated via car, bus, train, plane, and even boat. they went with family, friends, and others. and they went to many different destinations (some more than one destination and others to destinations yet unknown).

day three: transition – noah’s temporary home during the flood was the ark. it was cramped, smelly, and probably loud, but it was temporary. the kids were (or are still) living in temporary housing… it’s cramped, not nice, small, and not very fun at all… but it’s temporary. this is also the tough day where we talked about loss and grief. terrible stories including putting pets down and losing loved ones.

day four: new hope – noah releases the dove and gains hope when it doesn’t return after the third time. it’s a validation of the hope that things are going to change, that life is going to change, and the he’ll be off the ark soon. the kids talk about their hopes and dreams for the future and then discuss the signs that they have in their lives proving that they, too, can have a new hope for the future. in the way that noah gained hope from releasing the dove, the class wrote down our hopes on paper, folded them into paper airplanes, and threw them around the room as our “doves.” i have to admit, seeing those planes all fly at the same time made me cry. they truly understood the concept, when i explained to them that their airplanes were their “doves” they all went “oh man… that’s SO cool!!!” how could i not cry? here were “my kids” and here were “my kids” healing.

day five: a new day – noah finally leaves the ark after almost a whole year and steps on dry ground for the first time. he receives the rainbow from god and starts his new life, revived. the kids are starting to see the new day and the changes that are going to happen in their lives. they receive god’s promise that he’ll never flood the earth again and gain knowledge and comfort to know that none of the weather that occurs is a result of god because of this promise. they discuss more about their hopes and dreams and we close the time by talking about what camp noah did for them this week.

a curriculum that is truly incredible. the only unfortunate thing about it is that the kids BEGGED for us to return next year for the same camp, but this camp is focused on healing from trauma and disasters… i felt terrible that in my mind i kept thinking “if you want us back then have another hurricane.” = )

camp noah - a typical day

i thought it might be nice to let all of you know what a typical day was for camp noah!

6:30am – wake up… this is either by hearing everyone rustling around or having mister joe poke your shoulder with one finger and saying “tom, wake up.”

6:40am – shower. this is quite possibly the most scary part of the day. for those of you who have seen the “saw” movies, this shower is DIRECTLY from the movie. it’s in an old locker room in a building behind the place we’re staying. we need to walk to the door via crate flats thru the mud. two days it’s pouring rain while we’re going to the shower.

7:10am – leave for the church, maybe stop at mc’ds on the way.

7:20am – get to the church and start to set-up my room for the day.

7:50am – leave to pick up mister mark’s and my kids from their home.

9:00am – camp noah starts.

9:45am – first session w/ my kids. this lesson is the bible lesson, discussion about the hurricanes in relation to the story, and maybe journal time.

10:30am – snacks and games.

11:00am – second session w/ my kids when we do crafts and anything else discussion-wise.

12:00pm – lunch and games.

12:45pm – third session w/ my kids. this one is mostly clean-up of the morning, anything we didn’t get to complete. also some crafts if mister tom has come up with something.

1:30pm – games and snacks.

2:00pm – fourth session w/ my kids. talk, journal, and general game time.

2:30pm – special afternoon activity, e.g., fireman, stock car, weather man, etc.

3:30pm – closing worship.

4:00pm – mister mark and i drive the kids back home.

5:00pm – debrief at church, clean up room, get ready for tomorrow’s lesson, etc.

6:00pm – free time! most days this involved drinking and eating.

10:00pm – head back to the dorm.

11:00pm – blog, talk to bf on phone, bed.

camp noah - days four and five

*** written ½ in houston and ½ on a plane home ***

days four and five have flown by and now i find myself sitting in the hilton hotel in houston, the same place i was a mere six days ago, this time i’m showered, cleaned-up, ready to drink on the 24th floor of the hotel, and i’m headin’ home to the bf… oh man, life is good.

so the highlights from days four and five are as follows:

• day four – the end of the rain – day four was crazy, the kids were out of line but we were told that that would be normal because the first two days the kids would be kinda scared of us day three they’d start testing us to see if we’re trustable, and day four they’d be fully comfortable with us. i can attest to this, the kids were truly comfortable with us.
  
  what a crazy day though, the kids and i had a blast learning more about noah and ourselves, well, THEMselves. everything at camp noah was about noah and his flood compared to their hurricane. my boys are hyper but they continue to amaze me as they rattle off with no hesitation every single thing we’ve talked about this week. huh, we’re getting thru to them!
  
  
• day five – oh my god it’s the last day. i wake up with tears already in my eyes but don’t have time to think about it, we have to shower and pack by 7am – we plan on leaving for houston directly from the church after camp ends.
  
  the day’s lesson is focused on the rainbow and our hopes and dreams for the future and the signs in our lives that god cares about us. we make rainbow bracelets out of yarn (SO vacation bible school and camp mixed-up) but the kids absolutely love them. lunch is crazy and all mixed-up. our volunteers are not helping and we’re running out of food to serve the kids – i ended-up not eating lunch (i didn’t realize this till about 9pm when i was STARVING and couldn’t figure out why).
  
  the special afternoon activity was a visitor from the fire department (hot, Hot, HOT!!!) although i missed it all together because i ended-up cleaning our room and putting the kid’s crafts and stuff together for their parting.
  
  the closing ceremony was chaotic and crazy, but each class picked a day to talk about to the group and then we led everyone in our favorite camp noah song, my class picked the hippo song. KICK ASS SONG!
  
  in general the kids were absolutely unruly. at one point in the day i mentioned to another counselor that if the kids were trying to make it easy to say good bye to them that they were doing a good job = ) it’s funny though, as hellish as they were, i still cried when i said good bye to each one of them. the little shits.

camp noah - day three

day three of camp noah was a most eventful day - it started with pouring rain, it ended with pouring rain. we're in the middle of a "tropical wave" which consists of rain for days on end saturating the ground and flooding everything everywhere. we're all wet. our clothes are wet. our souls are soaring, but the're soaked as well... cleansing power of tears.

yeah, i have to take it down a notch here... the tears have been flowing lately.

today i got to talk to my class about loss and grief, specifically around hurricane rita. my class listened to a story of one of the boys having to put his dog to sleep before evacuating because he wouldn't make the trip. another boy told the story i his aunt and uncle and how both died in the storms. the kids are rough and unrefined but they're soft and cuddly. the story i started telling last night before being forced to go to bed was about a group of boys who wrestle all the time and how every once in a while one will break off from the group, come over to me, wrap his arms around me, nestle his head in the crook of my arm, and say "hi mister tom" before quickly leaving to go back to punching some other obnoxious boy. it's enough to make a person tear-up on the spot.

another thing worthy of tears is our living quarters. as if it wasn't bad enough to be sleeping on mattresses one foot apart from each other on the ground in a room with 30+ other junior high boys. but today when we got home from camp and dinner around 9:30 the entier dorm was ripped apart because the facility had recieved 200 bunk beds and everyone was putting them together at once. the music was blaring, our personal belongings were ripped from our previous beds and put on shelves, and what was promising to be an early night to bed turned into a night of hard, sweaty labor putting together the beds. i so badly wanted to sleep but ended up sweating instead... at least i got some good pictures out of it = )

camp noah is exhausting me like i never expected, but it's also making me quite humbled seeing "my boys" and their lives.

i'm going to bed but plan on another post soon... till then.

camp noah - day two

it’s raining and has been all day. the water stands wherever it lands because there really isn’t any drainage. looking outside from the foyer of the church looks like you’re looking into a greenhouse – the outsides of the windows are all clouded over and misty from the rain, whenever i walk by one on my way into the building i write my name in the haze.

my group of 4, 5, and 6 graders went from a group of four yesterday morning to six yesterday afternoon and then to sixteen today. i’m the sole leader responsible for these kids and i have two helpers to help me stay sane. i need them like you have no idea.

i’m hoarse from talking loudly, have a headache from yelling at the boys to stop wrestling, and melted from all the girls who keep walking up to give me hugs and say “hi mister tom.”

we took the children to the lake charles children’s museum this afternoon for a pizza party and an afternoon of crazy fun. the museum wasn’t anything like the Minnesota children’s museum in saint paul, but it’s incredible and better in many ways. the whole museum could fit into the LOBBY of the saint paul museum but man those kids had fun.

i’ve been so moved by these children. it’s almost unbearable at times. i hear the stories, see the faces, and i just cry… literally. two things have stuck out to me quite strongly in the last two days (names have been changed).

1. billy is 12. he’s laying on the ground like all the rest of the class… we’re writing out names vertically on a piece of paper and then writing a word or phrase that begins with each of the letters of our names to describe ourselves – billy has chosen the word “invisible” for his “i” word. i’ve watched him spell it i-n-y and then scribble it out. next he tried i-n-u and then he scribbled that out as well. then i watched him stare at the letters i-n for a minute or more. i finally came over to him and asked if he needed any help. his response? whispering so the other kids in the class couldn’t hear, he said “mister tom, i can’t remember how to make a ‘v’.” it took a bit to choke back the tears… here’s my darling, adorable billy, 12 years old, and he can’t make a ‘v’. this is typical of kids who have been thru trauma, they regress by years – there are many kids in my 4/5/6th grade class who can’t read.
   
2. wrestling boys huggin me.

dammit - i need to go now... some asshole youth leader w/ another group staying in our dorm room decided to tell the entire room of guys (three separate groups) that he's turning out the lights in five mintues. THEN he had the balls to tell us that he undid several lights and that the room will be pitch black (LEGAL ISSUE!).

anyway... gotta post later... adios!

camp noah - day one

well, today was the first day of camp noah. it was an extremely emotional day of meeting kids and seeing for the first time the trauma they went thru. we also got to go to cameron, louisiana to see where hurricaine rita hit the hardest. not only is this place shattered from the damage but one of my kids is from this town... i got to see where she lived and was completely dumbfounded. words can't even begin to describe the knot in my stomach seeing her w/ her family in their new surroundings.

the most amazing thing, though, was how peaceful and quiet it was in cameron. there was a moist cool breeze coming from the golf and the air was refreshing. amidst all this damage and reminders of a hellish-nightmare was peace. what a surreal experience.

this post is coming to you quite late because my group finished camp around 4:30 today, then went off to an authentic southern fried chicken dinner, then drove 40+ mi1nutes to cameron. my group didn't get back to the "dorms" till approx 11:10pm.

THANKFULLY though, the dorms finally got their ethernet connection up and running and i'm able to 1) post yesterday's post that didn't get out and 2) write this one up and give you an update. it's been a very busy day so i apologize terribly if i wasn't able to get to you all.

vicki - sorry i haven't called, the dorms have 30+ guys in them sleeping right now and i can't talk cause my battery is WAY low. i promise i'll call tomorrow to catch up on things.

bf - i miss you terribly. your text message in the middle of the day made me smile for the rest of the day. i really wish i could have spoken to you before i went to bed but see vicki's note above... i know you'll understand. i can't wait to see you on saturday though and sleep in a normal bed that's normal sized that doesn't have plastic on it and (the most important part) with my boyfriend next to me.

SO many more stories to tell... i think a group of us are stopping at a mcd's tomorrow morning for breakfast so i'll be able to send out another blog on their wireless network... till then!

camp noah - welcome to louisiana

*** written at 10:15pm on sunday night and posted later cause there’s no wireless in sight. ***

“alligators in the water” signs, bayou anything, scary bridges, no catholic churches, one lutheran church, waffle houses EVERYWHERE, and walmarts on every street corner… welcome to louisiana folks.

i had a very nice restful sleep-in this morning as i waited for the travel mate that missed the flight yesterday. when he got to houston a group of us left for a leisurely trip to lake charles via waffle house.

the air was so thick and the heat was almost unbearable… we spent a mere five minutes outside taking pictures by the “alligators in the water” sign and i got sunburnt – FIVE MINUTES! oi vey. what’s a white boy to do?

our sleeping facilities are nothing short of a dorm. well, really, it’s quite short of a dorm. it’s a renovated middle school and the guys dorm is the floor of the old library. the floor is a patchwork of plastic covered mattresses, when i say patchwork i mean 54 of them. what’s even cooler is that we’re the first volunteers to stay in this facility, a youth group of 30 is coming in tonight, and another youth group of 55 is coming in tomorrow. it’s like being at camp again only now I’m way older and way gayer. there’s junior high boys running around playing hackey sack in the hallways and the bathroom stall doors don’t have locks on them. the showers are communal and they’re in a detached building behind the main middle school. i think this is going to be a really cool experience.

we stopped by the church today to do an opening session of camp noah with some kids and their parents – we have our official start to the camp noah week tomorrow morning. the parents looked tired and the kids looked hungry for fun and attention. the church had just this day rededicated their sanctuary, it’s roof was torn off during hurricane rita. it’s really different down here – everything seems so rural and “back woodsie.” and i mean that in a completely non derogatory way, it’s just that things are so different from the cosmopolitan twin cities area. it’s a completely different world down here.

well, it’s quarter-till 11 now and i’m exhausted. we have to make a 25 minute trek tomorrow to the church to be there by 7:30 for the beginning of camp noah day one. it’s time for bed.

till tomorrow…

camp noah - camp "happy tom"

if you ask you shall receive.

blog readers, meet bf.

bf, meet the blog readers.

and yes, he IS that much taller than me. so happy...

camp noah - houston we have a problem...

, there really isn't a problem, but i was just dying to use that phrase SOMETIME on this trip!

hilites from the trip to houston:

1. don't go poop in an airport bathroom and leave your boarding pass in the stall and notice it when they call last call for boarding and have to run to the bathroom and pray that it's still there.
   
2. metro transit trains that like to break down are not cool. neither is sitting on a plan two minutes from taking off wondering where one of your travel mates is and then noticing that his seat has been filled by a voodoo priestess who sucks her thumb and mumbles to herself midair. (actually she was kinda cool... wish i was able to talk to her, there was someone sitting between us).
   
3. atlanta airport has TONS of hotties... i mean TONS!
   
4. my sister likes chocolate.
   
5. boyfriends are so cool... especially when they give you a card w/ a picture of the two of you in it for when you're going to be gone for a week.
   
6. sitting on the tarmack at houston airport for 40 minutes while waiting for your gate to open up is not a fun experience. hearing the lady sitting across from you telling someone that they're sister is going to have a lonely, empty, family-less life is.
   
7. houston really isn't all that. it's kinda gross actually.
   
8. and finally... any hotel with chihuly chandeliers in the lobby ROCKS!!!

ok… I’m outie! till tomorrow!

camp noah - leaving on a jet plane

3.5 hours and i'll be takin' off towards hotlanta and then off to houston. the bf is showering and i'm making some coffee and doing my last blog before packing the computer. my packing is almost complete (toiletries get packed after my shower) and i just need to put together some last-minute things... do i want some dvds along to watch? do you think the good folks in louisiana would mind if i was watching porn on my computer between camp noah classes? hmmm... i wonder.

last night was a good "last night" w/ the bf before a week-long hiatus. we ate at the aster cafe where my sister works before headin' out to saint sabrina's parlor in purgatory to get me some new ear-bling. and it totally blung too. thanks to the bf for helping me stretch my ears to a 10g.

ok, i'm off. bf is out of the shower and it's time i take this body to get cleansed.

next blog... somewhere down south!!!

camp noah - pre thoughts

tomorrow i leave at noon for a one-week trip to lake charles, louisiana to help run camp noah, a day camp for children that have been through traumatizing natural disasters.

the group of 18 adults and youth are heading out to facilitate this camp where about 45 children will attend a week of activities, games, music, food, and healing. the healing part, of course, is the most important part of the week.

i've had my reservations about this trip to be honest with all of you. my spirituality has evolved over the last few years and the idea of evangelical christianity is the equivilant of fingernails on a chalkboard and an x-acto knife through styrofoam all together. *shiver* but once i read into this program i realized that, true, it's a bible-based curriculum but more importantly, it's not an evangelical one. i think, if you read thru the site, you'll see what i was most relieved to see... this camp is to help kids heal from traumas that have left them hopeless, it's NOT a camp to take advantage of their situation to "turn them to jesus." for this reason i am proud of what i'm about to do.

i'm excited, nervous, scared, and unsure of what to expect. i've worked with a lot of kids in my life, i've worked with lots of vacation bible schools in my life, and i've done lots of teaching and leading in my life, but i've never worked with people, or children, who have been thru traumas of any type - i solicit your thoughts and prayers to whomever you pray or chant to. if you do neither, then i will simply accept your praise and money = )

the laptop is coming w/ me so i can keep all of you up to date (hopefully daily) of my adventures in camp noah land!

tick - tick - tick

time is tickin' away in many areas of my life...

1) in preparation for my trip to louisiana. i leave on saturday.

2) my age. i was reminded the other day by "bf" that i am no longer in my "mid-twenties" but i'm actually in my "LATE-twenties". he got a scowl out of me.

3) to grad school... my first class starts in 15 days.

4) work. my GOD work has been taking me for a ride lately. for instance... it's 8:19pm on monday evening... guess where i am.

ok... gotta go get the bf.

bitch - bitch - moan

bitch - it's UNGODLY hot and muggy outside.  we need rain like none other but all the moisture is locked-up in the air.  walking into work w/ my bf this morning the entire downtown skyline was covered in a grey-icky-muggy haze.  blech - the gods hate us.

bitch - there's nothing else to bitch about, i just liked naming my post "bitch - bitch - moan"!  life is so super-cool right now (i.e., dude... i'm TOTALY dating again and loving it!).

moan - *blush* see "bitch" #2

twisted construction

~5:00am:  i'm in deep sleep:  the dream
i'm walking down a street and find out that a friend from college died.  it's sad but really not that sad because college was more than six years ago and this person is barely an aquaintence anymore.  but regardless... they're dead they're cremated and somehow i'm responsible for the cremains (yes, that's the official word for the ashes).

next scene, i'm looking into a box of cremains and am trying to figure out what the hell to do with them... i want to touch them cause i've never seen ashes before but i'm extremely grossed out at the fact that right in the middle of all this ash is a bone, yeah, a bone.  blech.  what do i do?  i take a little snack baggie (not the sandwich ones, the little 1/2 baggies for snacks) and i fill it up w/ ashes.  what do i do w/ the ashes?  i pour a little water into them, mix it around, and use the resulting paste to build a house.  i think it was a house at least.  

huh... gives a whole new meaning to being "hard as a brick"  *evil-horny-grin*

shock -n- awe

OHMYGOD!!!  i just got a box of good & plenty candy (ILOVEGOOD&PLENTY!!!) and there was only ONE WHITE PIECE in it!!!  totally freaky.

dorks -r- us

i've hit another dorky low... at this moment my sister and i are sitting at wilde roast cafe in minneapolis. we both have our laptops w/ us and are having a very limited conversation cause we're so into our computers. what's worse is our computers match... exactly.

i have to poop.

the return of the prince

after almost ten months of absence the prince has returned!  

it took him a little bit of time to fit back in to the crowd, but after a little warming-up he slipped right into his old place like he had never left.  sure, things are a little tight right now and he's really not at his fullest yet, but give him a week or two of relaxing into his old job and he'll be able to puff-out his chest once more and put on his full suit of glory as he was when he left his duties last september.

but man... it's so nice to have him back again.

my very proud weekend

sorry for the major lack of blogging lately - it's summer in the city and things are going crazy.

pride was this last weekend and i was, once again, reminded of exactly how gay i can be (no comments please). the mere two-and-a-half days of my weekend consisted at the very least of the following: a trip to stillwater in a convertable, getting drunk w/ a date, pride parade, lesbian hands down my pants fondling my "junk", cruising up and down university avenue until the cops blocked the street w/ their cars, dancing to ymca in the the streets of downtown minneapolis, watching at least four hours of drag shows (including TWO stripper numbers... yeah... figure THAT one out), a VERY nice cuddle in the rain with my date (the same one i hung out w/ all weekend), and the crowning glory of my weekend: seeing a lesbian w/ her pants around her ankles squatting over a urinal (seeing her woo-hoo was part of the package... NOT a particularly glam situation).

man... "the gays" just keep the fun coming...

noir ruf-ruf

i'm trying out a new coffee shop/cafe that's two blocks from my new place... the black dog cafe. free wireless is all i'm interested in = ) oh, and good coffee.

anyway, there's a lady sitting next to me that just stood up and made a BIG scene because her laptop was almost dead and the power outlet next to her wasn't working so she'd need to move to another location in the coffee shop where it was, and i quote, "FREEZING COLD!" (emphasis NOT mine).

she caught me looking at her, actually i was dazed in her direction, and she proclaimed, "you know, i'm like goldilocks... everything needs to be JUST RIGHT!" i smiled and nodded.

annoying, true... but a second later she told the guy behind the counter that he needed to not take life so seriously and that he should drink more on the job - lol - then she stated quite loudly for the whole cafe to hear, "you know what?!? I'M going to drink lots of wine now... i'm stressed out."

next time is saw here was when she was walking back to new table with a large glass of white wine and a smile = )

i think i may like this place.

one of those "touchy" subjects...

yeah, this is a "touchy subject" because noone ever wants to talk about it because it's just one of those things that you accept to be true and expect to be sent to hell for thinking about... but i'm willing to take the risk to figure it out.

what the HELL is "old-person" smell?

i mean, i know it's the smell that most elderly people exude at one time or another... but what i mean is what CAUSES it? what causes them to smell up an elevator or mail room in a matter of seconds? what causes their homes to smell like it? what causes the smell that you learn to associate with "old people" before you associate the smell of "white" to a hospital?

it's not moth balls (as i thought for a long time) because moth balls are bearable... it's not poop... god i hope it's not. it's not their breath, or hair, or pits, or clothes... i just want to know.

*sigh*

i broke the silence... i can see my handbasket pulling-up to the front door as i type...

goin' thru a phase

sorry for my silence as of late.  occasionally i go thru introverted phases when i don't talk to friends much, am terrible at emailing people, HATE gatherings, and just want to relax by myself or at most one other person.  i go to bed earlier than usual, spend more time making myself breakfasts or nice dinners, walk considerably slower than usual, and in general i just savor the intimacy of being alone.  being the first time i've been thru one of these phases for a LONG time i'm noticing that i also shirk away from blogging, who'd-a-thunk!?!?!  lol  i guess it's no surprise  = )

so if you're waiting for an email or call to be returned... if you're waiting to hang out cause it's been "so long"... or if you're just wondering why the fuck i haven't been blogging... well just pull your panties out of your ass and try slowing down too.  i'm fine... it's a very deeply spiritual time for me to just relax and take life the way i usually don't get to take it... slowly and one. blessed. moment. at. a. time.

*hugs to everyone*

premature adultification

saturday morning

7:00-7:45am - slowly wake up

8:00am - knock on the door, t-boy and i have coffee as new neighbors

8:30am - t-boy and i go to the farmer's market. i spend less than $17 and end up with fresh food to last me at least this week. my purchases include:

• red and white radishes
  
• lettuce
  
• white onions
  
• cucumbers
  
• chicken
  
• fresh bread

9:00am - home again, turn on the music, put away the goods, make myself an amazing omlette with a little bit of today's finds, last week's finds, and rainbow.

9:15am - just HAVE to blog about it = )

a little addition... last night at 11pm someone started playing jazz on their trumpet in the park i face over... live, REAL, impromptu jazz! right here in my neighborhood!!! i fell asleep like a baby.

have a super memorial day weekend folks.

bummer dudes...

i posted via email yesterday and it never got on the blog... what a bummer.  and it was a truly excellent "for the guys who love the "V"."

i'll see if i can recreate it.

for the guys who love the "V"

whoa guys... i'm walking to work after lunch at home and i saw this woman in the park.  several things made me do a double-take.

1 - CUTE PUG!!!  i mean, really, this was the cutest thing.

2 - amazing posture.

3 - BRIGHT red satin blouse.  the thing just popped-out at you.

and speaking of things that pop-out at you:

4 - holy GAZUMBAHS batman!!!  between the bright red satin blouse, the excellent posture, and the big breasts, this woman was literally popping-out.  and the funny thing was, i think she knew she had very nice breasts... even though her dog was in one place she kept turning around almost like she was making sure everyone saw how lovely here chest looked.

(like how i used "breast" today, dash!!!!  *grin*)

giggly-squiggly-excited

you know, it's interesting how life repeats itself.  

ten years ago (almost to the day, actually) i graduated from high school.  i was crazy-excited because i was going to college in the fall and i just couldn't contain myself.  i'd look at my acceptance letter all the time just to feel that excited and freaked-out feeling over and over.  every single day i'd be reminded that i was going to college and that i was doing something with my life - it was the best (and scariest) feeling in the world.

fast-forward those ten, very short, years...

yesterday i got my student id from the university of minnesota.  i'm crazy-excited because i'm going to grad school this summer and i just can't contain myself!  yesterday and today i keep taking it out of my wallet to look at it and get that excited freaked-out feeling... over and over and over again!  since i got accepted and enrolled in my first class i'm reminded that i'm going to school again and that i'm doing something with my adult life!  it's the best (scary, but not as much as before) feeling ever.

i've changed SO much in these last ten years but right now i'm amazed at how much i HAVEN'T changed.  life still excites me and a simple piece of paper or an id card w/ my picture and the word "student" on it can give me that giggly-squiggly-excited feeling that i just love.

have a great weekend everyone!

for the guys who love the "V"

ok guys... dash made a comment the other day about the lack of the use of the word "breast" in our country as of late.  i'm thinking it had to do w/ my cancer-walk posting where pretty much every place there should have been a "breast" there was a "boob" or "rack" instead.  *grin*

before i say what i'm thinkin' on the issue i'm going to open the floor up to the "guys who love the "V"" for their opinions.  i think it's safe to say that they are the world's greatest appreciators of breasts... so guys, what do you think of the word "breast?"  do you use it?  why might you NOT use it?  is it situational or do you just like/dislike the word?  what DO you call them if it's not "breast?"

comments are encouraged by all lovers of boobs/breasts/racks as well.

my dad's going to think i've married the devil

i'm almost done getting my new apartment organized, decorated, and balanced.  as i was saying to my wonderful sis the other day, i'm able to do things in this apartment that i haven't been able to do in the past... namely, surround myself with artifacts and icons i hold very close to my spiritual self.

hence my marriage to the devil himself (i heard he's hot... AND gay...)

i looked around my place last night and saw a couple crosses, a green man plaque, a shrine to buddha, three castiron african gods, a set of tarot cards, a set of oracle cards, a gorgeous carving of shiva, and a copy of the koran, the book of mormon, the tao te ching, the gospel of thomas, the gospel of judas, oh, and the bible.  i'm probably missing some things, but you get the point.  i think my parents are going to absolutly love my new place... but i'm sure that it will only take my dad a few minutes to notice being surrounded by false idols.

*sigh*  

i love my new place... it just feels so right.

gazoombahs

boobs are cool.  i mean... REALLY cool.  yeah, sure, i'm a gay man... but have you SEEN a gay man around a nice rack???  it's like bears and honey: an instant attraction (minus the licking... well... in most [sober] situations).  there's just something about them, and no, it has nothing to do with being sexually attracted to a woman... it's all about natural progression:  1) hanging things are fun to play with.  2) ooh, my balls hang... man these are fun to play with, i can't keep my hands off of them.  3) HEY!  girls have hangy things too.  4) man... boobs are like balls, only higher and squishier.  5) hmm, these are fun, but i can take mine everwhere i go... i'll resort to balls w/ the occasional boob.

unfortunately, not all women get to keep their boobs.  i'd love to say that its a happy thing seeing them go, like seeing a suffering loved-one pass on to the next life.  but most women who face boob-cancer find themselves feeling suddenly incomplete, empty, and very alone.

until mother's day.  

for the second year in a row i walked in the b-cancer walk at the mall of america in memory of my friend mary who passed away years ago from boob-cancer and various other cancers.  for the second year in a row i found myself fighting-back tears numerous times as i walked w/ 50,000 other people with pink signs on that celebrated the sucess of a loved-one thru this terrible plague... others, like myself, wore pink in memory of said loved-one.  as i walked i felt overwhelmed by sadness FINALLY feeling like i had a way to understand the magnitude of this disease... and overwhelmed by the amount of survivors and their amazingly positive attitudes.  

people, this is real... and it fuckin' sucks.  let's do something about it:  the next time your feel or see a nice rack, think about how devistated you'd be if it wasn't there for you to look at or touch... then think about how it would feel if you were that woman, permanently disconnected from herself.  then do something... donate money, remind a loved-one to give themselves a self-check... or walk with me next mother's day.  

potty-based pet peeve

i think some of you have heard this one before... if so, deal with it.  and, YES, many of my postings are about poo or loo-related subjects... but what do you expect from a guy w/ ibs???

now, on to the potty-based pet peeve...

one of my biggest pet peeves, which i guess really isn't a pet peeve, just an "ew... that was so gross"-ism is when you walk into the bathroom, see someone you know, the only other person in the bathroom, washing their hands, walk into a stall and sit down on a warm seat.

it's like... oh my god!  not only a warm toilet seat but you KNOW WHO'S ASS WARMED IT UP!!!  it's like bumping your bare bum against that persons...

hmm... now that's an idea...

for the guys who love the "V"

"perky"  "firm"  "big nipples"  "low-hangin'"  "small"  "perfect"

these are words/phrases for breasts.

"curvy"  "tight"  "big"  "not a good one"  "HOT!"

these are words/phrases for butts.

"cute"  "bitchy"  "ghetto"  "new york"  "hollywood"  "crabby"

these are words/phrases for general personalities.

i send sincere thanks to wrb and brain for their help the other day in figuring-out better (and more satisfying) ways to approach "for guys who love the "V"."  i also thank them for making it clear that a terribly simple phrase can satisify a straight man and give him fodder to take the visual and run... for this, guys, i really say thanks... it makes my job SO much easier.

till next week...  "V"-guys, keep your zippers up.  =)

reality bites

i recently took an official e.q. (emotional quotient) test through work.  you know, the kind that my company has to pay mega cash for and that i have to sit down and discuss with an advisor when i get done.  this test is supposed to show my emotional intellegence and is supposedly difficult for many people to see the results of.  i was delighted to get the info on me...

well, as should be no surprise, i came out above average in most areas, specifically in "stress tolerance" and "interpersonal relationships" and ABOVE average in "happiness."  well DUH!  the thing that really shocked me, though, was that i came out particularly below average in "reality testing."

of course my inital reaction was "what the fuck is reality testing?"  my second reaction was "well of COURSE i'm below average in that... reality freakin' bites and i do almost everything i can to ignore it."  my third reaction was "hmmm, maybe i should read-up on this "reality testing" thing before i continue bitching."

*pause bitching*

reality testing:  the reults for this subscale indicate a pronounced tendency to over-fantasize, daydream, and lose touch with what's going on in the "real-world."  there also may be a tendency to pursue unrealistic goals, instead of sticking to practical and attainable goals.  there is a limited ability to stay focused on the task at hand.

*resume bitching*

whatever.  if you ask me... the "average" person is flawed because they are based too much in reality.  to me, reality is corporate america.  reality is george bush.  reality is right-wingers supressing women, gays, and anyone who is happier or has a better sex live than them.  reality is dumb.

the person who can't occasionally escape reality is a bore.  the person who can focus on the "real-world" all the time is flawed.  and the person who is "average" in their reality testing is just not me.  and i don't want to be that person niether.

give me your tired, your poor, your air-headed masses yearning to be themselves and worship as themselves and not be forced to fit into an "average" box.

all praise to the green man.

in celebration of life

i have an appreciation for bathroom whistlers.

you know them... they guys who walk into the bathroom whistling and pull-up at the urinal next to you and continue to whistle, unphased by your urinating presence.

they're the ones in the stalls humming and tapping their feet with their pants around their ankles.

they're the ones who are seemingly so in love with life, so happy with what's going on in it, and so pleased with the universe that it comes out in song.  and that song isn't even remotely paused for something as mundane as going to the bathroom to empty out.  as a matter of fact, that mundane task turns into just another extension of their joy of living, their joy of air.

i think i need to start whistling more  = )

for the men who love the "V"

today marks the beginning of a new segment in my blog entitled: for the men who love the "V".  i'll try my hardest to make it a weekly segment, but we'll see how straight i'm feeling each week.

why the new segment you ask?  well, at lunch today, brain and wrb (and i'm sure ivy-dude would agree) said that i needed to stop raving about all the guys on my blog and start hiliting the gals... they were, of course, referring to my fire alarm blog where i raved about "cute ass/big arms" guy who had his "big arms" around an equally cute gal - and i said BOO about the gal.

well, boys... here's your - for the men who love the "V" - segment for this week:

so this totally hot chick got in the elevator w/ me yesterday when i was heading up to my new place.  she was kinda paris-hilton-ish but DAMN did she have some kickin' curves.  ooh, and her sunglasses were SOOO CUTE!  (oops... sorry, that one slipped out).  anyway, she was leaning into the corner with this "i don't give a shit about you or your life" look so i gave her the "you're a ho" look and she walked across the elevator and threw herself on me.  we made out for a while and then wentbacktomyapartmentanddidit.  uh, yeah.

*shrug*  i'm just not feeling it this week.  sorry guys, better luck next week.

in the middle of the night i go walkin' in my sleep...

this afternoon, as i was going to look at the apartment a friend of mine is moving into down the hall from me, i mentioned that having a couple hundred apartments in one building was frustrating because i feel like i'll never get to see all the people who live here and may never know who's cute and who's not. i jokingly said that it'd be nice to have one evening where everyone stood outside their apartment door as i walked all eight floors to know where the hotties were.

careful what you wish for.

11:40pm - the fire alarm goes off. i've been here for three whole days and i'm already experiencing a fire alarm. i grab what's the closest to me and put it on... ugh, jeans and a sweatshirt - must remember to keep cuter clothes on hand for the next time this happens. as i got outside, though, i realized i got my wish from earlier in the day - almost all the people in my building were outside. i, of course, was swiftly checking everyone out.

rough, tough, hottie @ eight o'clock: construction boots, torn and dirty jeans, t-shirt w/ sleeves cut off, really hot tattoo on right bicep... yep - yum.

overly cute hottie @ one o'clock: w/ an older woman. he's tall and has a clubbing shirt on. they're talking about how one of the firefighters had a porn mustache - i look next time i see him... yep, porn mustache.

5 o'clock shadow and nice ass at 4:30: ugh, he's got his [really cute] arms wrapped around an equally cute gal. *eye roll*

so i call my sister as four firetrucks rumble up to the building and she asks how many of the guys are single, i quickly glance around only to realize that not all that many are alone. true, they may be w/ friends... but most are still w/ people.

that is... except for rough, tough, hottie w/ the construction boots. hmmm... i may have to keep my eyes open for him... and leave my construction boots next to the door for the next fire alarm...

meth-head

as some of you know, citypages, the twin cities sister of the famous village voice, just came out with their "best of" issue. the most recent topic of issue in the twin cities, of course, is the award for best cheap thrill which they humorously gave to "crystal meth."

anger has erupted... contention has been issued... and right-wingers have, expectedly, turned-off their "think for yourself" switch.

one notorious right-winger on my team saw me walk in with the controversial issue after lunch today... his response?

"i wouldn't pick up that issue of citypages for the LIFE of me!"

now folks, let me draw your attention to an issue in our country as of late.

the start tribune published an article this morning about how horrible this situation was and we're seeing how many people, like my coworker, have decided to let the "liberal media" dictate how they react to life.

you see... right-winger coworker has decided in his head that he's going to agree with the startribune and their take on the situation and won't even, for a SPLIT second, decide to go to the source, read it himself first hand, and make his own decision as to how he feels about the situation.

bad right-winger... *hand slap*

do I agree with citypage's award for "best cheap thrill?" well, as citypages has crossed the line many times (i think it's in their mission statement actually) i DO think this one may have gone just a hair too far... not far enough to warrant city unrest.

but i went to the source... i read it myself... i put other people's personal bias aside... and I. Made. My. Own. Decision.

can you say that for yourself?

corporate expectations

i'm moving on friday. i'm not buying a place, i'm just moving to a new apartment. i insert "just" because i found out recently that my move is not a valid move in the minds of many of my corporate american co-workers.

you see... as a 27 year old male in corporate america, it is standard that i invest my money into a house rather than "throw it away" by renting. i have noticed this when talking to random co-workers about my move, their first question is "where did you buy?" it's implied that the only logical move for me at this place in my life is to buy. i guess it's also standard that i get married soon (to a girl of course), be on my way to having a baby, and live in suburbia where i worship big-box stores and inflated egos.

i shouldn't be surprised, nor bothered, by this. but it does because a guy who sits near me is in the process of buying his second house and moving this weekend (the same weekend as myself). his plans trump mine because he has "more stuff" or "is buying a house" or "needs more time because he has to close."

i guess all i can do is roll my eyes at these suburbian prisoners - thinking they are unique and have a wonderful life when all they're really doing is the same thing that their neighbors, friends, and family are.

they're rarely unique and their lives are seldom more wonderful than anyone else on their street... and to be honest, i guess that makes me a little sad for them.

fish salad

ok... i know that caesar salad is supposed to have anchovy paste in it, but GOD... my cafeteria must have put a cubic-ass-load in theirs today... it literally tastes like they spread fish all over every single piece of lettuce.

disgusting.

if i wanted to eat fish i'd get the fish. UGH! a perfectly good lite lunch gone to the fishes.

a blessing on me bum

this morning, as with most mornings, i went through my post-poo ritual around 3/4 of the way thru my morning coffee:

1. turn on the water,
   
2. put soap on my hands,
   
3. wash,
   
4. rinse,
   
5. dry with two paper towels,
   
6. check for long nose hairs,
   
7. fix the main hair,
   
8. check the shirt tucking,
   
9. do a quick check of the ass for 1)appropriate tucking and 2)sheer prettiness

GASP!
THERE'S ASH ON ME ASS!

yup folks... it's like ash thursday for my ass... a small spot of perfectly formed ash-ish ass blessing. i'm guessing it's from trashing-it-out on the front porch after work w/ my friends at home and probably leaning up against a cig-ashing-spot on the wall.

either its that or i've been touched by an ass-ashing angel who has dubbed me the ash-queen for the day - spreading my ashy-ass-goodness around the world for all to see and be blessed by.

if you see me today, check out the spot - the only thing that could make this situation better is if the ashes formed the image of the virign mary or poopie-head benedict.

happy happy

um, yeah... the boots are pretty much the best thing ever.

happiness is overflowing - i officially have a new favorite pair of shoes/boots. i want to wear them to bed i love them so much.

OOOH!!!! and if gay marriage ever gets passed in this country the inevitable will occur and it will fuck up our nation as we'll be FORCED to allow people to marry inanimate objects... which would allow me to MARRY MY BOOTS!!!

*head shake*

silly righties - they don't understand the concept of "marriage is between two consenting adults."

achille's [DAMMIT] heel

last night i went "wench costume shopping" with c&s at the super-fab ragstock warehouse in minneapolis' warehouse district. while there i found a great brown hoodie to replace the falling-apart one that EVERYone seems to have (thank you marshall fields). the other thing i found was pair of KILLER cowboy boots.

now... as many of you know, i have a non-sexual shoe fetish - with one exception - cowboy boots. although i've never owned a pair, i find cowboy boots one of the most erotically-charged pieces of "clothing" a person can wear.

as i proudly (and SO sexilly) donned my boots this morning i relized that for the first time in my life i'd be wearing a shoe with a legit heel. and here comes the bitching part... my FREAKIN' calfs are burning like HELL!

but holy moses, these boots are the super-bomb... it's worth the pain to look so damn good.

where to worship on easter sunday

last night i was the assistant minister at my church's glorious easter vigil. in the timely light of my recent days of spiritual reassessment i was reminded, once again, why i choose to attend my church - because it brings me closer to the heavens than any other church has done. this, is a most wonderful thing.

but i woke up this morning at 9am and wondered whether or not i needed/wanted to attend church this morning. to aid in the decision making process i made a fresh pot of coffee, grabbed my keys, and headed to the front porch.

as i sat there couldn't help but be caught up in the glorious surroundings i was in the midst of. this morning is cooler than others as of late, there's a cool soft breeze blowing through the trees, 1/2 the cars on the street are gone (no doubt to church goers worldwide who feel today is holier than other sundays), and i couldn't help but notice that THIS was my second sanctuary.

in this sanctuary i brought a piece of bread and was able to feed several squirrels who nest in a pine tree on the corner of the lawn. in this sanctuary i sat in excitement as i watched the family of cardinals that i've loved for years return to their home in the tree in front of my place. i could pick-out six or seven distinct songs of the birds in this sanctuary. and in a way i cannot do anywhere else in a place of worship, i could feel the wind sweep by my face, then see it pick up a lone leaf, spin it in a spiral up into the air, and gently set it back down five feet away from where its journey began.

i don't need to go to church this morning. last night i got a taste of glory divine in a brick building bursting with light, sound, and heaven-bound incense... but this morning i was able to get an equally astounding taste of glory divine by sitting in the midst of creation and being one with it.

i'm truly blessed.

whoa

as many of you know, i consider myself a "christian spiritualist." the "spiritualist" part comes from my belief that biblical christianity is not the ONLY way to the divine spiritual being (aka, the universe). and "christian" from the fact that i was raised christian and choose to carry out part of my spiritual lifestyle in the liturgical worship of a christian church.

it's holy week, and today, specifically, is the second day of the triduum, "the three days."

i went to service last night and meditated and prayed before it. i do this before most every servie and like so many services before, i asked god (the universe) to bless me through the service, to comfort me, and to open my eyes and teach me something.

people... be careful what you ask the universe for - it may just give it to you.

at the beginning of the service was an absolution [forgiveness] of sins. as i was kneeling i racked my brain for things i had done that i wanted forgivenss for. in the past i'd have asked for forgiveness for things like "lusting after men," "masturbating," or "having sex with a man." but i no longer live my life in the shackles of a deeply flawed fundamentalism-based christianity - this leaves me with loads of other sins to confess. = )

as is normal lately, i found my mind wandering away from forgiveness and the service and started thinking about my move, job, school *blah, blah, blah* and i started stressing out. it was in that moment that i realized my biggest sin as of late.

tom's sin: not trusting the universe.

my ENTIRE life has been an exercise in learning to trust the universe and the universe in turn providing me with love and strength through the journey. case(s) in point:

• being outed at bible college and being asked to leave.
  
• moving to a brand new city and job.
  
• leaving a 2 1/2 year relationship.
  
• leaving an abusive relationship.

the list could go on an on but you get the point. here i was, looking for sins and getting distracted on how i can't keep control of my life's stresses right now. the answer was right in front of my face.

I CAN'T CONTROL MY LIFE'S STRESSES ON MY OWN!!!

i felt just terrible. here i was, basking in the glory of the universe but not even trusting it with my biggest fears. i was embarassed to say the least.

i spent the next few minutes apologizing and reconciling with my creator... and then i resolved that from that moment on i was going to trust in something greater than myself... i was going to put my trust in the universe rather than myself.

changes were made... a life was changed... and blessings, believe it or not, have already been received.

whether or not you're christian and celebrating easter this weekend... i hope that you'll find time to settle down with the universe or your inner power and make peace with it. life sure is shitty when things are out of balance.