shock -n- awe

OHMYGOD!!!  i just got a box of good & plenty candy (ILOVEGOOD&PLENTY!!!) and there was only ONE WHITE PIECE in it!!!  totally freaky.

dorks -r- us

i've hit another dorky low... at this moment my sister and i are sitting at wilde roast cafe in minneapolis. we both have our laptops w/ us and are having a very limited conversation cause we're so into our computers. what's worse is our computers match... exactly.

i have to poop.

the return of the prince

after almost ten months of absence the prince has returned!  

it took him a little bit of time to fit back in to the crowd, but after a little warming-up he slipped right into his old place like he had never left.  sure, things are a little tight right now and he's really not at his fullest yet, but give him a week or two of relaxing into his old job and he'll be able to puff-out his chest once more and put on his full suit of glory as he was when he left his duties last september.

but man... it's so nice to have him back again.

my very proud weekend

sorry for the major lack of blogging lately - it's summer in the city and things are going crazy.

pride was this last weekend and i was, once again, reminded of exactly how gay i can be (no comments please). the mere two-and-a-half days of my weekend consisted at the very least of the following: a trip to stillwater in a convertable, getting drunk w/ a date, pride parade, lesbian hands down my pants fondling my "junk", cruising up and down university avenue until the cops blocked the street w/ their cars, dancing to ymca in the the streets of downtown minneapolis, watching at least four hours of drag shows (including TWO stripper numbers... yeah... figure THAT one out), a VERY nice cuddle in the rain with my date (the same one i hung out w/ all weekend), and the crowning glory of my weekend: seeing a lesbian w/ her pants around her ankles squatting over a urinal (seeing her woo-hoo was part of the package... NOT a particularly glam situation).

man... "the gays" just keep the fun coming...

noir ruf-ruf

i'm trying out a new coffee shop/cafe that's two blocks from my new place... the black dog cafe. free wireless is all i'm interested in = ) oh, and good coffee.

anyway, there's a lady sitting next to me that just stood up and made a BIG scene because her laptop was almost dead and the power outlet next to her wasn't working so she'd need to move to another location in the coffee shop where it was, and i quote, "FREEZING COLD!" (emphasis NOT mine).

she caught me looking at her, actually i was dazed in her direction, and she proclaimed, "you know, i'm like goldilocks... everything needs to be JUST RIGHT!" i smiled and nodded.

annoying, true... but a second later she told the guy behind the counter that he needed to not take life so seriously and that he should drink more on the job - lol - then she stated quite loudly for the whole cafe to hear, "you know what?!? I'M going to drink lots of wine now... i'm stressed out."

next time is saw here was when she was walking back to new table with a large glass of white wine and a smile = )

i think i may like this place.

one of those "touchy" subjects...

yeah, this is a "touchy subject" because noone ever wants to talk about it because it's just one of those things that you accept to be true and expect to be sent to hell for thinking about... but i'm willing to take the risk to figure it out.

what the HELL is "old-person" smell?

i mean, i know it's the smell that most elderly people exude at one time or another... but what i mean is what CAUSES it? what causes them to smell up an elevator or mail room in a matter of seconds? what causes their homes to smell like it? what causes the smell that you learn to associate with "old people" before you associate the smell of "white" to a hospital?

it's not moth balls (as i thought for a long time) because moth balls are bearable... it's not poop... god i hope it's not. it's not their breath, or hair, or pits, or clothes... i just want to know.

*sigh*

i broke the silence... i can see my handbasket pulling-up to the front door as i type...

goin' thru a phase

sorry for my silence as of late.  occasionally i go thru introverted phases when i don't talk to friends much, am terrible at emailing people, HATE gatherings, and just want to relax by myself or at most one other person.  i go to bed earlier than usual, spend more time making myself breakfasts or nice dinners, walk considerably slower than usual, and in general i just savor the intimacy of being alone.  being the first time i've been thru one of these phases for a LONG time i'm noticing that i also shirk away from blogging, who'd-a-thunk!?!?!  lol  i guess it's no surprise  = )

so if you're waiting for an email or call to be returned... if you're waiting to hang out cause it's been "so long"... or if you're just wondering why the fuck i haven't been blogging... well just pull your panties out of your ass and try slowing down too.  i'm fine... it's a very deeply spiritual time for me to just relax and take life the way i usually don't get to take it... slowly and one. blessed. moment. at. a. time.

*hugs to everyone*

premature adultification

saturday morning

7:00-7:45am - slowly wake up

8:00am - knock on the door, t-boy and i have coffee as new neighbors

8:30am - t-boy and i go to the farmer's market. i spend less than $17 and end up with fresh food to last me at least this week. my purchases include:

• red and white radishes
  
• lettuce
  
• white onions
  
• cucumbers
  
• chicken
  
• fresh bread

9:00am - home again, turn on the music, put away the goods, make myself an amazing omlette with a little bit of today's finds, last week's finds, and rainbow.

9:15am - just HAVE to blog about it = )

a little addition... last night at 11pm someone started playing jazz on their trumpet in the park i face over... live, REAL, impromptu jazz! right here in my neighborhood!!! i fell asleep like a baby.

have a super memorial day weekend folks.

bummer dudes...

i posted via email yesterday and it never got on the blog... what a bummer.  and it was a truly excellent "for the guys who love the "V"."

i'll see if i can recreate it.

for the guys who love the "V"

whoa guys... i'm walking to work after lunch at home and i saw this woman in the park.  several things made me do a double-take.

1 - CUTE PUG!!!  i mean, really, this was the cutest thing.

2 - amazing posture.

3 - BRIGHT red satin blouse.  the thing just popped-out at you.

and speaking of things that pop-out at you:

4 - holy GAZUMBAHS batman!!!  between the bright red satin blouse, the excellent posture, and the big breasts, this woman was literally popping-out.  and the funny thing was, i think she knew she had very nice breasts... even though her dog was in one place she kept turning around almost like she was making sure everyone saw how lovely here chest looked.

(like how i used "breast" today, dash!!!!  *grin*)

giggly-squiggly-excited

you know, it's interesting how life repeats itself.  

ten years ago (almost to the day, actually) i graduated from high school.  i was crazy-excited because i was going to college in the fall and i just couldn't contain myself.  i'd look at my acceptance letter all the time just to feel that excited and freaked-out feeling over and over.  every single day i'd be reminded that i was going to college and that i was doing something with my life - it was the best (and scariest) feeling in the world.

fast-forward those ten, very short, years...

yesterday i got my student id from the university of minnesota.  i'm crazy-excited because i'm going to grad school this summer and i just can't contain myself!  yesterday and today i keep taking it out of my wallet to look at it and get that excited freaked-out feeling... over and over and over again!  since i got accepted and enrolled in my first class i'm reminded that i'm going to school again and that i'm doing something with my adult life!  it's the best (scary, but not as much as before) feeling ever.

i've changed SO much in these last ten years but right now i'm amazed at how much i HAVEN'T changed.  life still excites me and a simple piece of paper or an id card w/ my picture and the word "student" on it can give me that giggly-squiggly-excited feeling that i just love.

have a great weekend everyone!

for the guys who love the "V"

ok guys... dash made a comment the other day about the lack of the use of the word "breast" in our country as of late.  i'm thinking it had to do w/ my cancer-walk posting where pretty much every place there should have been a "breast" there was a "boob" or "rack" instead.  *grin*

before i say what i'm thinkin' on the issue i'm going to open the floor up to the "guys who love the "V"" for their opinions.  i think it's safe to say that they are the world's greatest appreciators of breasts... so guys, what do you think of the word "breast?"  do you use it?  why might you NOT use it?  is it situational or do you just like/dislike the word?  what DO you call them if it's not "breast?"

comments are encouraged by all lovers of boobs/breasts/racks as well.

my dad's going to think i've married the devil

i'm almost done getting my new apartment organized, decorated, and balanced.  as i was saying to my wonderful sis the other day, i'm able to do things in this apartment that i haven't been able to do in the past... namely, surround myself with artifacts and icons i hold very close to my spiritual self.

hence my marriage to the devil himself (i heard he's hot... AND gay...)

i looked around my place last night and saw a couple crosses, a green man plaque, a shrine to buddha, three castiron african gods, a set of tarot cards, a set of oracle cards, a gorgeous carving of shiva, and a copy of the koran, the book of mormon, the tao te ching, the gospel of thomas, the gospel of judas, oh, and the bible.  i'm probably missing some things, but you get the point.  i think my parents are going to absolutly love my new place... but i'm sure that it will only take my dad a few minutes to notice being surrounded by false idols.

*sigh*  

i love my new place... it just feels so right.

gazoombahs

boobs are cool.  i mean... REALLY cool.  yeah, sure, i'm a gay man... but have you SEEN a gay man around a nice rack???  it's like bears and honey: an instant attraction (minus the licking... well... in most [sober] situations).  there's just something about them, and no, it has nothing to do with being sexually attracted to a woman... it's all about natural progression:  1) hanging things are fun to play with.  2) ooh, my balls hang... man these are fun to play with, i can't keep my hands off of them.  3) HEY!  girls have hangy things too.  4) man... boobs are like balls, only higher and squishier.  5) hmm, these are fun, but i can take mine everwhere i go... i'll resort to balls w/ the occasional boob.

unfortunately, not all women get to keep their boobs.  i'd love to say that its a happy thing seeing them go, like seeing a suffering loved-one pass on to the next life.  but most women who face boob-cancer find themselves feeling suddenly incomplete, empty, and very alone.

until mother's day.  

for the second year in a row i walked in the b-cancer walk at the mall of america in memory of my friend mary who passed away years ago from boob-cancer and various other cancers.  for the second year in a row i found myself fighting-back tears numerous times as i walked w/ 50,000 other people with pink signs on that celebrated the sucess of a loved-one thru this terrible plague... others, like myself, wore pink in memory of said loved-one.  as i walked i felt overwhelmed by sadness FINALLY feeling like i had a way to understand the magnitude of this disease... and overwhelmed by the amount of survivors and their amazingly positive attitudes.  

people, this is real... and it fuckin' sucks.  let's do something about it:  the next time your feel or see a nice rack, think about how devistated you'd be if it wasn't there for you to look at or touch... then think about how it would feel if you were that woman, permanently disconnected from herself.  then do something... donate money, remind a loved-one to give themselves a self-check... or walk with me next mother's day.  

potty-based pet peeve

i think some of you have heard this one before... if so, deal with it.  and, YES, many of my postings are about poo or loo-related subjects... but what do you expect from a guy w/ ibs???

now, on to the potty-based pet peeve...

one of my biggest pet peeves, which i guess really isn't a pet peeve, just an "ew... that was so gross"-ism is when you walk into the bathroom, see someone you know, the only other person in the bathroom, washing their hands, walk into a stall and sit down on a warm seat.

it's like... oh my god!  not only a warm toilet seat but you KNOW WHO'S ASS WARMED IT UP!!!  it's like bumping your bare bum against that persons...

hmm... now that's an idea...

for the guys who love the "V"

"perky"  "firm"  "big nipples"  "low-hangin'"  "small"  "perfect"

these are words/phrases for breasts.

"curvy"  "tight"  "big"  "not a good one"  "HOT!"

these are words/phrases for butts.

"cute"  "bitchy"  "ghetto"  "new york"  "hollywood"  "crabby"

these are words/phrases for general personalities.

i send sincere thanks to wrb and brain for their help the other day in figuring-out better (and more satisfying) ways to approach "for guys who love the "V"."  i also thank them for making it clear that a terribly simple phrase can satisify a straight man and give him fodder to take the visual and run... for this, guys, i really say thanks... it makes my job SO much easier.

till next week...  "V"-guys, keep your zippers up.  =)

reality bites

i recently took an official e.q. (emotional quotient) test through work.  you know, the kind that my company has to pay mega cash for and that i have to sit down and discuss with an advisor when i get done.  this test is supposed to show my emotional intellegence and is supposedly difficult for many people to see the results of.  i was delighted to get the info on me...

well, as should be no surprise, i came out above average in most areas, specifically in "stress tolerance" and "interpersonal relationships" and ABOVE average in "happiness."  well DUH!  the thing that really shocked me, though, was that i came out particularly below average in "reality testing."

of course my inital reaction was "what the fuck is reality testing?"  my second reaction was "well of COURSE i'm below average in that... reality freakin' bites and i do almost everything i can to ignore it."  my third reaction was "hmmm, maybe i should read-up on this "reality testing" thing before i continue bitching."

*pause bitching*

reality testing:  the reults for this subscale indicate a pronounced tendency to over-fantasize, daydream, and lose touch with what's going on in the "real-world."  there also may be a tendency to pursue unrealistic goals, instead of sticking to practical and attainable goals.  there is a limited ability to stay focused on the task at hand.

*resume bitching*

whatever.  if you ask me... the "average" person is flawed because they are based too much in reality.  to me, reality is corporate america.  reality is george bush.  reality is right-wingers supressing women, gays, and anyone who is happier or has a better sex live than them.  reality is dumb.

the person who can't occasionally escape reality is a bore.  the person who can focus on the "real-world" all the time is flawed.  and the person who is "average" in their reality testing is just not me.  and i don't want to be that person niether.

give me your tired, your poor, your air-headed masses yearning to be themselves and worship as themselves and not be forced to fit into an "average" box.

all praise to the green man.

in celebration of life

i have an appreciation for bathroom whistlers.

you know them... they guys who walk into the bathroom whistling and pull-up at the urinal next to you and continue to whistle, unphased by your urinating presence.

they're the ones in the stalls humming and tapping their feet with their pants around their ankles.

they're the ones who are seemingly so in love with life, so happy with what's going on in it, and so pleased with the universe that it comes out in song.  and that song isn't even remotely paused for something as mundane as going to the bathroom to empty out.  as a matter of fact, that mundane task turns into just another extension of their joy of living, their joy of air.

i think i need to start whistling more  = )

for the men who love the "V"

today marks the beginning of a new segment in my blog entitled: for the men who love the "V".  i'll try my hardest to make it a weekly segment, but we'll see how straight i'm feeling each week.

why the new segment you ask?  well, at lunch today, brain and wrb (and i'm sure ivy-dude would agree) said that i needed to stop raving about all the guys on my blog and start hiliting the gals... they were, of course, referring to my fire alarm blog where i raved about "cute ass/big arms" guy who had his "big arms" around an equally cute gal - and i said BOO about the gal.

well, boys... here's your - for the men who love the "V" - segment for this week:

so this totally hot chick got in the elevator w/ me yesterday when i was heading up to my new place.  she was kinda paris-hilton-ish but DAMN did she have some kickin' curves.  ooh, and her sunglasses were SOOO CUTE!  (oops... sorry, that one slipped out).  anyway, she was leaning into the corner with this "i don't give a shit about you or your life" look so i gave her the "you're a ho" look and she walked across the elevator and threw herself on me.  we made out for a while and then wentbacktomyapartmentanddidit.  uh, yeah.

*shrug*  i'm just not feeling it this week.  sorry guys, better luck next week.

in the middle of the night i go walkin' in my sleep...

this afternoon, as i was going to look at the apartment a friend of mine is moving into down the hall from me, i mentioned that having a couple hundred apartments in one building was frustrating because i feel like i'll never get to see all the people who live here and may never know who's cute and who's not. i jokingly said that it'd be nice to have one evening where everyone stood outside their apartment door as i walked all eight floors to know where the hotties were.

careful what you wish for.

11:40pm - the fire alarm goes off. i've been here for three whole days and i'm already experiencing a fire alarm. i grab what's the closest to me and put it on... ugh, jeans and a sweatshirt - must remember to keep cuter clothes on hand for the next time this happens. as i got outside, though, i realized i got my wish from earlier in the day - almost all the people in my building were outside. i, of course, was swiftly checking everyone out.

rough, tough, hottie @ eight o'clock: construction boots, torn and dirty jeans, t-shirt w/ sleeves cut off, really hot tattoo on right bicep... yep - yum.

overly cute hottie @ one o'clock: w/ an older woman. he's tall and has a clubbing shirt on. they're talking about how one of the firefighters had a porn mustache - i look next time i see him... yep, porn mustache.

5 o'clock shadow and nice ass at 4:30: ugh, he's got his [really cute] arms wrapped around an equally cute gal. *eye roll*

so i call my sister as four firetrucks rumble up to the building and she asks how many of the guys are single, i quickly glance around only to realize that not all that many are alone. true, they may be w/ friends... but most are still w/ people.

that is... except for rough, tough, hottie w/ the construction boots. hmmm... i may have to keep my eyes open for him... and leave my construction boots next to the door for the next fire alarm...

meth-head

as some of you know, citypages, the twin cities sister of the famous village voice, just came out with their "best of" issue. the most recent topic of issue in the twin cities, of course, is the award for best cheap thrill which they humorously gave to "crystal meth."

anger has erupted... contention has been issued... and right-wingers have, expectedly, turned-off their "think for yourself" switch.

one notorious right-winger on my team saw me walk in with the controversial issue after lunch today... his response?

"i wouldn't pick up that issue of citypages for the LIFE of me!"

now folks, let me draw your attention to an issue in our country as of late.

the start tribune published an article this morning about how horrible this situation was and we're seeing how many people, like my coworker, have decided to let the "liberal media" dictate how they react to life.

you see... right-winger coworker has decided in his head that he's going to agree with the startribune and their take on the situation and won't even, for a SPLIT second, decide to go to the source, read it himself first hand, and make his own decision as to how he feels about the situation.

bad right-winger... *hand slap*

do I agree with citypage's award for "best cheap thrill?" well, as citypages has crossed the line many times (i think it's in their mission statement actually) i DO think this one may have gone just a hair too far... not far enough to warrant city unrest.

but i went to the source... i read it myself... i put other people's personal bias aside... and I. Made. My. Own. Decision.

can you say that for yourself?

corporate expectations

i'm moving on friday. i'm not buying a place, i'm just moving to a new apartment. i insert "just" because i found out recently that my move is not a valid move in the minds of many of my corporate american co-workers.

you see... as a 27 year old male in corporate america, it is standard that i invest my money into a house rather than "throw it away" by renting. i have noticed this when talking to random co-workers about my move, their first question is "where did you buy?" it's implied that the only logical move for me at this place in my life is to buy. i guess it's also standard that i get married soon (to a girl of course), be on my way to having a baby, and live in suburbia where i worship big-box stores and inflated egos.

i shouldn't be surprised, nor bothered, by this. but it does because a guy who sits near me is in the process of buying his second house and moving this weekend (the same weekend as myself). his plans trump mine because he has "more stuff" or "is buying a house" or "needs more time because he has to close."

i guess all i can do is roll my eyes at these suburbian prisoners - thinking they are unique and have a wonderful life when all they're really doing is the same thing that their neighbors, friends, and family are.

they're rarely unique and their lives are seldom more wonderful than anyone else on their street... and to be honest, i guess that makes me a little sad for them.

fish salad

ok... i know that caesar salad is supposed to have anchovy paste in it, but GOD... my cafeteria must have put a cubic-ass-load in theirs today... it literally tastes like they spread fish all over every single piece of lettuce.

disgusting.

if i wanted to eat fish i'd get the fish. UGH! a perfectly good lite lunch gone to the fishes.

a blessing on me bum

this morning, as with most mornings, i went through my post-poo ritual around 3/4 of the way thru my morning coffee:

1. turn on the water,
   
2. put soap on my hands,
   
3. wash,
   
4. rinse,
   
5. dry with two paper towels,
   
6. check for long nose hairs,
   
7. fix the main hair,
   
8. check the shirt tucking,
   
9. do a quick check of the ass for 1)appropriate tucking and 2)sheer prettiness

GASP!
THERE'S ASH ON ME ASS!

yup folks... it's like ash thursday for my ass... a small spot of perfectly formed ash-ish ass blessing. i'm guessing it's from trashing-it-out on the front porch after work w/ my friends at home and probably leaning up against a cig-ashing-spot on the wall.

either its that or i've been touched by an ass-ashing angel who has dubbed me the ash-queen for the day - spreading my ashy-ass-goodness around the world for all to see and be blessed by.

if you see me today, check out the spot - the only thing that could make this situation better is if the ashes formed the image of the virign mary or poopie-head benedict.

happy happy

um, yeah... the boots are pretty much the best thing ever.

happiness is overflowing - i officially have a new favorite pair of shoes/boots. i want to wear them to bed i love them so much.

OOOH!!!! and if gay marriage ever gets passed in this country the inevitable will occur and it will fuck up our nation as we'll be FORCED to allow people to marry inanimate objects... which would allow me to MARRY MY BOOTS!!!

*head shake*

silly righties - they don't understand the concept of "marriage is between two consenting adults."

achille's [DAMMIT] heel

last night i went "wench costume shopping" with c&s at the super-fab ragstock warehouse in minneapolis' warehouse district. while there i found a great brown hoodie to replace the falling-apart one that EVERYone seems to have (thank you marshall fields). the other thing i found was pair of KILLER cowboy boots.

now... as many of you know, i have a non-sexual shoe fetish - with one exception - cowboy boots. although i've never owned a pair, i find cowboy boots one of the most erotically-charged pieces of "clothing" a person can wear.

as i proudly (and SO sexilly) donned my boots this morning i relized that for the first time in my life i'd be wearing a shoe with a legit heel. and here comes the bitching part... my FREAKIN' calfs are burning like HELL!

but holy moses, these boots are the super-bomb... it's worth the pain to look so damn good.

where to worship on easter sunday

last night i was the assistant minister at my church's glorious easter vigil. in the timely light of my recent days of spiritual reassessment i was reminded, once again, why i choose to attend my church - because it brings me closer to the heavens than any other church has done. this, is a most wonderful thing.

but i woke up this morning at 9am and wondered whether or not i needed/wanted to attend church this morning. to aid in the decision making process i made a fresh pot of coffee, grabbed my keys, and headed to the front porch.

as i sat there couldn't help but be caught up in the glorious surroundings i was in the midst of. this morning is cooler than others as of late, there's a cool soft breeze blowing through the trees, 1/2 the cars on the street are gone (no doubt to church goers worldwide who feel today is holier than other sundays), and i couldn't help but notice that THIS was my second sanctuary.

in this sanctuary i brought a piece of bread and was able to feed several squirrels who nest in a pine tree on the corner of the lawn. in this sanctuary i sat in excitement as i watched the family of cardinals that i've loved for years return to their home in the tree in front of my place. i could pick-out six or seven distinct songs of the birds in this sanctuary. and in a way i cannot do anywhere else in a place of worship, i could feel the wind sweep by my face, then see it pick up a lone leaf, spin it in a spiral up into the air, and gently set it back down five feet away from where its journey began.

i don't need to go to church this morning. last night i got a taste of glory divine in a brick building bursting with light, sound, and heaven-bound incense... but this morning i was able to get an equally astounding taste of glory divine by sitting in the midst of creation and being one with it.

i'm truly blessed.

whoa

as many of you know, i consider myself a "christian spiritualist." the "spiritualist" part comes from my belief that biblical christianity is not the ONLY way to the divine spiritual being (aka, the universe). and "christian" from the fact that i was raised christian and choose to carry out part of my spiritual lifestyle in the liturgical worship of a christian church.

it's holy week, and today, specifically, is the second day of the triduum, "the three days."

i went to service last night and meditated and prayed before it. i do this before most every servie and like so many services before, i asked god (the universe) to bless me through the service, to comfort me, and to open my eyes and teach me something.

people... be careful what you ask the universe for - it may just give it to you.

at the beginning of the service was an absolution [forgiveness] of sins. as i was kneeling i racked my brain for things i had done that i wanted forgivenss for. in the past i'd have asked for forgiveness for things like "lusting after men," "masturbating," or "having sex with a man." but i no longer live my life in the shackles of a deeply flawed fundamentalism-based christianity - this leaves me with loads of other sins to confess. = )

as is normal lately, i found my mind wandering away from forgiveness and the service and started thinking about my move, job, school *blah, blah, blah* and i started stressing out. it was in that moment that i realized my biggest sin as of late.

tom's sin: not trusting the universe.

my ENTIRE life has been an exercise in learning to trust the universe and the universe in turn providing me with love and strength through the journey. case(s) in point:

• being outed at bible college and being asked to leave.
  
• moving to a brand new city and job.
  
• leaving a 2 1/2 year relationship.
  
• leaving an abusive relationship.

the list could go on an on but you get the point. here i was, looking for sins and getting distracted on how i can't keep control of my life's stresses right now. the answer was right in front of my face.

I CAN'T CONTROL MY LIFE'S STRESSES ON MY OWN!!!

i felt just terrible. here i was, basking in the glory of the universe but not even trusting it with my biggest fears. i was embarassed to say the least.

i spent the next few minutes apologizing and reconciling with my creator... and then i resolved that from that moment on i was going to trust in something greater than myself... i was going to put my trust in the universe rather than myself.

changes were made... a life was changed... and blessings, believe it or not, have already been received.

whether or not you're christian and celebrating easter this weekend... i hope that you'll find time to settle down with the universe or your inner power and make peace with it. life sure is shitty when things are out of balance.

4/29/06

my move date has been set - the truck has been rented - the utility elevator has been reserved - the a-list friends are being contacted - and the money is slowly creeping away.

and i'm nowhere closer to renting-out my current place.

i've come to the conclusion and have accepted the fact that i will be paying double-rent in may. the one saving grace that i'm banking on is that i am continuing to give positive energy to the universe, i'm hoping that it decides to return that energy in the future - of course if it decides it's not the right time i will gladly accept and continue to give, that's my nature.

my grad school app is slated to be evaluated tomorrow - i patiently await the news of my future grad school endeavors.

my emotions are nothing short of chocolate-factory-status. i'm sure easter weekend will trip that trigger several times. let the floodgates open wide.

i guess there's nothing left to talk about. except that i'm also awaiting to find out my raise from my recent promotion. that news will be delivered late in may.

blessings on you and your lifestock.

yeah... whatever

amos asked me yesterday if i had talked to "cute guy" lately. the answer is no. one of the reasons is because i've started taking an earlier bus to work. the main reason, though, is sad.

let me back up though...

about a month ago cute-bus-guy and i started greeting each other when we saw each other. we'd be waiting to cross the street and we'd say "hey" or "morning" or "have a good day" and then give the i'm-intrepreting-this-as-an-i-like-you grin to each other.

then two weeks ago i said "have a good day" and he replied back with "yeah, have a good day, man."

"MAN?"

who the HELL says MAN!?!?!?!

*eye roll*

no potential future boyfriend of mine is EVER going to call me "man."

cute-bus-guy... if you're reading this right now - please don't call me "man." instead, call me "sweetheart" or "hottie" or "hun"... just not "man."

oh... and kiss me next time too.

yeah... whatever

amos asked me yesterday if i had talked to "cute guy" lately. the answer is no. one of the reasons is because i've started taking an earlier bus to work. the main reason, though, is sad.

let me back up though...

about a month ago cute-bus-guy and i started greeting each other when we saw each other. we'd be waiting to cross the street and we'd say "hey" or "morning" or "have a good day" and then give the i'm-intrepreting-this-as-an-i-like-you grin to each other.

then two weeks ago i said "have a good day" and he replied back with "yeah, have a good day, man."

"MAN?"

who the HELL says MAN!?!?!?!

*eye roll*

no potential future boyfriend of mine is EVER going to call me "man."

cute-bus-guy... if you're reading this right now - please don't call me "man." instead, call me "sweetheart" or "hottie" or "hun"... just not "man."

oh... and kiss me next time too.

yeah... whatever

amos asked me yesterday if i had talked to "cute guy" lately. the answer is no. one of the reasons is because i've started taking an earlier bus to work. the main reason, though, is sad.

let me back up though...

about a month ago cute-bus-guy and i started greeting each other when we saw each other. we'd be waiting to cross the street and we'd say "hey" or "morning" or "have a good day" and then give the i'm-intrepreting-this-as-an-i-like-you grin to each other.

then two weeks ago i said "have a good day" and he replied back with "yeah, have a good day, man."

"MAN?"

who the HELL says MAN!?!?!?!

*eye roll*

no potential future boyfriend of mine is EVER going to call me "man."

cute-bus-guy... if you're reading this right now - please don't call me "man." instead, call me "sweetheart" or "hottie" or "hun"... just not "man."

oh... and kiss me next time too.

storm perfection

got home tonight and did my usual: made dinner and settled down on the couch to watch the simpsons.

but i'm in the middle of a PERFECT minnesota spring thunderstorm; the lightning and thunder are almost continuous, the air is fresh, the temp is mid 50's, and it's just... well... perfect. watching simpsons felt like blasphemy against nature.

i turned off the tv, turned on some music quietly in the background, and now i'm just sitting here enjoying nature at her finest.

hope you all get a similar "perfect moment" like this this week.

blessings.

ooh! word game!

see if you can get this one:

what english phrase can be represented by the name "Abe Itch Jr."?

and the box awards to go to...

as i woke up this morning around 8am i decided today was a packing day. i have no idea when in april i'm moving, but i DO know that it can be as soon as next weekend - better be early than late so i'm starting the packing today.

after doing some errands i decided to stop by a few stores and beg for boxes (you'll NEVER hear me say that again). here are the top three:

• third place: borders - these wonderful people went back to the storage room and got me three flattened boxes. i can't complain, it was very generous of them.
  
  
• second place: target - the wonderfully helpful manager on duty called back to the back room and found out their boxes were already gone for the day. but then she hit the customer service desk and took four boxes from them. when the guy complained she said "well, you didn't invite me to your wedding, so that's what you get." lol she walked back to me and said "well... he didn't... that's his problem."
  
  
• first place: petsmart - the cute guy behind the counter called over another equally cute guy and they both started talking to me about boxes (the story of my life... always 1/2 fulfilled). the first cute guy told me to go to the "cardboard" dumpster behind the store and take what i want. i got back there and couldn't believe all the boxes. *sigh* i love cute guys.
  

life changes

well, it's official folks... i'm no longer in love with ty pennington. i realized he's got way too much attitude for me. i need a guy who's not afraid of his hair getting messed up. a guy who likes flannels and dirty jeans (not just on camera). a guy who truly seems normal and is FREAKIN' HOT!

yes my friends, my new love is none other than jason lee.

*sigh*

this love has been growing for a few years now, it's just after watching "my name is earl" tonight i realized i'm truly in love.

sorry girls, jason's off the market.

feel bad for me

i came into work at 7am today.

i had a 15 minute lunch.

i'm leaving work at 5:30pm today.

that's a little over a 10-hour day.

somebody please feel bad for me.

macbook pro

i'm in love (and not with cute bus guy).

i'm in love with my friend staci's macbook pro. really, this is quite possibly the coolest thing on the planet.

that is, not as cool as the fact that i actually said "hi" and "have a good day" to him at the corner. he smiled at me and said "you have a good one" *giggle*

*this blog was brought to you by three beers and a shot*

happy st pattie's day!!!1

guess who's back???

CUTE BUS GUY!!!!

i didn't notice him when i got on the bus because he was all bundled-up (we're in the process of getting another seven inches of snow) but as i was getting ready to cross the street i saw him and he saw me. we had a moment actually = ) we caught eyes and exchanged big smiles and said hi. they were the sheepish, junior-high, i-haven't-seen-you-in-forever-where-the-HELL-have-you-been smiles.

then my heart started pounding and i felt like a little kid. so silly but so fun.

so i've made a decision. i'm writing my name, phone #, and email on a slip of paper and putting it in my wallet. the next time i get to sit next to him on the bus i'm goin' out on a limb and giving it to him and asking him when i can take him to coffee.

*nervous sigh*

infatuation is stupid and AWESOME at the same time.

new fav quote

favorite quote from the star tribune's article on today's blizzard:

"the afternoon commute will be better if people stay off the roads."

WOO HOO!!!

the rehearsal that i had tonight [that i was going to skip anyway] has been cancelled because of the AWESOME blizzard we're experiencing ALL DAY!!!

what am i going to do instead? well, the same thing i was going to before it was cancelled!

i'm going home and making myself hot tea (prolly spiked). then i'm going to cozy up on the couch w/ the kitties and finishing watching the godfather trilogy. currently i'm on disc two of part two - michael just read his statement at the mafia hearings. i love the godfather - cinamagrahic (sp?) brillance.

icky sex

every time i find out a woman is pregnant i automatically imagine her having sex with her husband (or turkey baster if she's a lesbain). this isn't good - actually, it's disgusting. i just found out a coworker was prego... it happened again, i AUTOMATICALLY imagined her on her back *shiver* you know the rest.

oddly enough, whenever i find out from a guy that his wife is pregnant i NEVER imagine him having sex with his wife which is really too bad - i have a lot of really cute guy-friends.

cute bus guy update...

there IS NO update on cute bus guy - i haven't seen him on the bus (or downtown) for over a week now. =(

dash and i were talking at church last night and she told me that she reads my blog!!! how cool! then she caught me off guard by saying "i want to know who cute bus guy is." all i could say was "ME TOO!!!"

i don't know why i haven't seen him for over a week, but i have a few ideas:

• idea #1 - he's gone on vacation. as i type, he's laying on a beach in mexico crying his eyes out because i'm not there next to him. he probably can't even enjoy his vacation without me there - i'm sure he's thinking of me daily.
  
  
• idea #2 - he fell the other day and broke his leg and hasn't been able to go to work for a week because of the pain. he's terribly sad that he can't see me and will go to the coffee shop tonight to drown his sorrows in java. i'll see him tonight when i'm at the coffee shop and we'll run [he'll hobble] into each other's arms and kiss like cute bus guy and i should. (this one's my favorite)
  
  
• idea #3 - he moved or got a new job and will no longer be taking the 53. oh god, no... that one is too painful to think about...
  
  
• idea #4 - i'm out of ideas. well, i'm really not, i just want to spare you, my reader from my silly junior high rantings about a boy.

*sigh*

*sigh*

well, i did it. i took the gre yesterday and got scores that pass my grad school requirements (450's)!

on my verbal i didn't hit my [personal] goal but got higher than expected (540 - 64th percentile) and my quantitative i got way higher than i expected (690 - though it's only 69th percentile).

now all i have to do is submit my application and i'll be done with this process!!! i've given myself a deadline of march 15 to submit my application - i'm on task!

soon i can focus on getting a downtown condo!

sweet -n- sour slop

11:34am - chinese buffet, DAMN good buffet.

1:03pm - boring meeting. pick my nails to pass the time... what the hell? how'd i get sweet -n- sour sauce stuck to the palm of my hand??? discretely scrape it off.

1:22pm - same boring meeting. is it 2pm yet? look at watch, crips! more sweet -n- sour?!?!? this time it's in the middle of my watch face, gotta lick my finger to rub it off. jebus.

1:48pm - damnit already, is this meeting over yet? check my crotch to see how it looks in these jeans... holy jebus cripes! glob o' dried sweet -n- sour on the leg of my pants. try to discretely scrape it off but end up rubbing it into my pants more. man oh man.

3:30pm - hit watch on a file cabinet on the way to the w.c. look at watch to make sure it's ok... come ON! glob of freakin' sweet -n- sour on the band of my watch! what the freakin' HELL is wrong with me !?!?

i swear... if i find any on my winkie when i'm going to the bathroom i'm quitting for the day and going home early.

cute-guys-go-to-the-dentist day

i swear yesterday was cute-guys-should-go-to-the-dentist day. i mean, my dentist office was crawling with freakin' gorgeous guys, young, but gorgeous.

funny thing...

i was walking down the hall to my "cleaning" room with my nurse and i got distracted by a really really cute guy in one of the rooms laying in his chair. i spent too much energy staring at him that i ran into a nurse walking down the other side of the hall - busted.

fat [drunk] tuesday

don't talk too loud to me today, i accidentally drank seven beers last night.

happy lent.

jebus what a day

i don't know what it is. maybe it's the sun being out, or the fact that it's almost 40 outside, or maybe the planets are just in the right positions - but my team is completely crazy today. here's a list of topics that have randomly erupted out of the semi-work atmosphere that we've been struggling to maintain today.

• building homemade solar panels
  
• building homemade non-nuclear hydrogen bombs
  
• sadness over the ceased production of dark chocolate m&ms
  
• which person on our team would be most likely to move to chicago (for the team) and live in a hi-rise condo on lake michigan (i won)
  
• the difference between a big animal vet and a small animal vet
  
• jewish vets working on ash wednesday
  
• what's being given up (or taken on) for lent
  
• the seven deadly sins
  
• which of the seven deadly sins to give up during lent
  
• banana runts
  
• nutella
  
• the gre
  
• driving while drinking out of a flask

i'm tired.

outta the loop

i'm just not fitting in lately. every day i come into work and people spend company time discussing the tv shows that they follow on a weekly, or (god forbid) daily, basis. they chitter-chatter about like housewives discussing soap operas, only it's corporate american middle-class citizens discussing shows like survivor, gray's anatomy, or *ugh* american idol.

i just put my headphones on and work. i mean, all i'd be able to discuss is how gorgeous of a day it was yesterday, or how much fun i had with my friends watching a movie and having pizza on friday, or how i was moved by an amazing church service on sunday, or how crazy the snelling/hwy 36 retail cluster-fuck is, or how excited i am about my new knitting project (i'm sucessfully purling!!!).

*shrug*

i guess i just don't have a life.

there's hope

every two years i see our planet come together to celebrate it's only world-wide tradition. a tradition the spans time, age, religion, and nationality, a tradition that is carefully and artistically carried forth, a tradition that bring us all together in a planet-wide wish for peace. a tradition that i think we do pretty damn well.

every two years i see a planet that has hope for our future and that, in itself, gives me hope.

thanks for that hope, torino - and good luck beijing, vancouver, and london - see you soon.

achey breaky skin

what a messed-up night last night - sleeping wise that is. in an attempt to guarantee that i sleep (unlike sunday night) i took two melatonin pills at 9, by 10 i was more than ready to snooze. but a mix of really strange dreams and body aches kept me miserably tossing and turning till 3am. yeah, body aches! my skin actually hurt, you know like when you have the flu? it was horrible. my room it 61 degrees (i like it cold) but i was sweating and flopping all over unable to get rid of my horribly reaccuring dreams. they weren't horrible dreams, just horribly REACCURING dreams - miserable.

finally at 2:45 i got out of bed and drank some milk (i'm always the thirstiest for milk in the middle of the night) and then smudged my room. it seemed appropriate, i mean, i had no reason not to be sleeping - it had to be bigger. well, i was right. after smudging i layed down on my bed and almost instantly fell into a most restful sleep.

on a lighter note, i got to sit next to cute bus guy again this morning = ) he's so cute...

now what am i to do?

i'm off today. a first true attempt at a whole day focused on the most important things in my life right now, studying for the gre and writing the statements for my grad school application.

the cats are also freaking out. they need sunlight and i've blocked it out for now. it's -5 outside (-32 wind chill) and to keep my place as warm as possible i've closed all the shades and pulled all the curtains. it was working very well until i got up and opened a few shades 1/2 way for the cats to get some light, my apartment is already getting cold from that miniscule action.

the gut reaction for today would be to stay in, drink coffee all day, curl up on the couch w/ the cats and watch golden girls... i could get laundry done, clean a little, get caught up on friend's blogs, and probably do my fair share of buying music and videos on itunes. but i can't. i need to focus and need to get my ass in gear. i can do all those things tomorrow, today is for school.

so if you're a friend of mine and are reading this on friday, please call me to see what i'm doing. if i'm not at the coffee shop and i don't have a good excuse - please harp on me... getting back into "school mode" is turning out to be quite challenging = )

myers briggs bs

i just took the myers-briggs again with my team at work. it's the fourth time i've take in it in my life and the results are different every time - the last time i took it was about five years ago.

usually i love personality-ish tests, this time i was just irritated and miserable. the entire time i felt like my answering these questions was for the sole purpose of putting me into a box that would make it easier for myself, my coworkers, and the world to make sense of me. hell, if i can't make sense of me - why is it fair that everyone else should be able to?

and as for that damn box... my life has changed in the way that i no longer want to fit in a box, i take pride in the fact that my life changes and that my thoughts are fluid and that my spirituality grows via cosmic orgasmic fertilizer and not books or words by "enlightened souls" that are no more enlightened than any other human being on this celestial sphere. *sigh* i'm sick of convention, i'm sick of pretention, and i'm sick of republicans.

i just want to live and grow and deepen and enlighten - is that too much to ask of life?

dreams o' pleasure

i don't dream sex. it's just not something the universe has deemed necessary in my life (which i'd like to dispute). but lately i've been having more and more risque dreams - and some have been quite detailed. unfortunately my new husband hasn't been in them (yummy).

but last night it was a coworker, and a mighty fine coworker if that. but the dreams tend to have the same plot: i notice a really cute guy; i decide cute guy is too cute or "probably straight" for me; cute guy skips making moves, flirting, and the sort and jumps right into it; i can't believe this is happening and i decide we need to move to a more private place or at least someplace where we can be alone; we search and search, he keeps trying to mess around w/ me and i keep giving a little up but still focusing most of my energy on getting someplace where i can give it my full effort; eventually the dream ends because i've exhausted my resources and everything fizzles into the air - how disappointing.

maybe tonight i'll just say screw it, if you're going to start it here, lets do it right here in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store. = )

being a whore is hard work

i whore myself out to four coffee shops - two during the work day and two on nights and weekends. the two at night really don't count since i go to one about 80% of the time and the other only when i don't have cash or i'm hungry (because they take cards and serve AMAZING hummus pita sandwiches).

during the day, though, my coffee breaks really are a whoring ordeal. i always stop at steep -n- brew on the walk to work from my bus - their coffee is amazing and the barista, juliana, is a gorgeous asian woman who loves me and greets me by name daily. i, then, usually go to caribou once or twice a week in the afternoons for "sweet" coffees like caramel lattes or mochas - this is only done a couple times a week mainly because of the $$$ involved and the fact that i don't need all that sugar (i have a figure to maintain, you know).

well, this morning i decided to get a second cup of steep -n- brew coffee because of... well... you know about last night. on the way back, the barista in caribou saw my "non-'bou" cup and gave me a very shocked and then disappointed look. all could do is rub my tummy in a "yummy" motion.

friend-charlie turned to me and said "tom, you're a coffee whore."

my reply was simple, "yes... yes i am."

vd

i just think it's hillarious that the abbreviation for this day is the same as the abbreviation for an std.

i don't hate vd, really. but when people start talking about it all love-dovey and crap i usually pipe-in with a comment that hints to my animosity towards it. why do i do this? i dunno, i think it has to do with fact that in the middle of a vd conversation the other person typically expects me to be a bitter, single, fag - i guess i just decide it's easier to stoop tp their low expectations than try to convince them that, no, really, i don't hate this day.

but, truly, today has been a decent day. at work they announced a 9% bonus and almost better than that, golden girls season 4 came out on dvd today.

i think too many people rely on other people's declaration of love in order to convince them that they, too, should love themselves - i for one say fuck that. i love myself plenty and i don't need anyone else for that validation.

true, i'd LOVE a boyfriend on this day, but without one i'm not going to bitch - hell, i've had a super evening. why - you ask? well let me tell you what i did this evening and i'll let YOU decide = )

i got home and cracked open a most amazing bottle of 1995 chateau les graves de viaud cotes di bourg. i drank a glass while finishing the dishes and then went to target to get some stuff. on the way home i got good ol' taco bell and came home. i proceeded to watch the first few episodes of golden girls season 4 while continuing to drink my cotes de bourg. by the time i was about 3 drinks away from finishing the bottle, my friends from upstairs called and i went up and watched some HOT figure skaters (i'll leave the details for another blog) and then we went to the front porch to share a vd cig. and now i'm here talking about my super night [mostly] by myself drinking a bottle of wine and watching gg's.

who needs a man?

i think i'm going to go pass out now.

happy vd folks.

faure faux pax

my boss just caught me "air directing" faure's requiem at my desk.

...

yeah, i guess that's all i can say about that.

*sheepish grin*

office conversation

john - hey tom, you're one of the people on your team who support informatica, right?

me - yeah

john - well, there's an informatica conference coming up in may and my area doesn't have the money to send me, they're saving all their money for java conferences. i talked to another area and they can't send anyone either. we really want someone to go to this conference, would your area have the time or money to send someone?

me - yeah, we have conference money budgeted this year and we're trying to figure out where to use it. where's the conference?

john - san francisco.

me - hey, i'm in! that's like mecca for me, i mean, after going there i could die fulfilled!

john - hey, yeah, you're right. you'd definately have a leg-up on the competition.

me - uh...

john - *deep red* uuuuuuh... um... no pun intended...

wpm

so i'm filling-out my grad school application and filled-in that i type at 85 wpm. this is pretty freakin' cool considering i was the top typer in my typing class in high school at 30 wpm - i've improved by 283%!!!

yay for me.

death becomes her

this week i created a playlist on my ipod called "death becomes her." it consists of songs that document either 1)the death of the singer or 2)the death of the singer's friends. here's the list of the deaths that are document (with their singers in parens):

evita (evita - evita)

the friends of mary (mary - the beautiful game)

the friends of marius (marius - les miserable)

jean valjean (jean valjean, fantine, cosette, marius, eponine - les miserables)

eponine (eponine, marius - les miserables)

fantine (fantine, jean valjean - les miserables)

aida and radames (aida and radames - aida)

mimi (mimi - la boheme)

mimi (roger - rent)

angel (tom - rent)

don quixote (don quixote, sancho, dulcenea, priest - man of lamancha)

kim (kim and chris - miss saigon)

elphaba (elphaba and glinda - wicked)

judy garland (peter and liza - boy from oz)

sarah (coalhouse and company - ragtime)

mornings

i'm kinda lookin' cute today. i'm also in a really really good mood. i was standing at the bus stop this morning listening to the new "omaha" playlist i made on my ipod (GREAT songs from my years in oma-hole). i was just jammin' at the bus stop, enjoying the music, enjoying the GORgeous 30-degree weather, liking that i was looking good and feeling good, and i all of a sudden noticed a lady in the passenger seat of a car sitting in front of me at the light... she was just looking at me with a grin on her face. i smiled at her with my best "life is good" smile and then my bus pulled up and blocked her from my view.

i hope i passed-on a little of my good morning to her.

*sheepish grin*

i'm FINALLY getting the internet at home tonight (thank you comcast). and now my blog will be updated on a regular basis again!

p.s. amber, you are so sweet... i miss you tons.

10 things i DON'T miss about driving to work

10. the variance in my schedule created by the ultimate flexability of not being tied the schedule of someone else (namely, metrotransit).
9. breaking a sweat walking 10 minutes in the sweltering morning heat from my parking lot.
8. being too lazy to walk that healthy 10 minutes and taking the bus, thus making me feel guilty for being a lazy ass for at least 4 seconds.
7. having to talk to people on the bus because... well... you know them.
6. having to be happy with that WAY too happy 8:04 21A bus driver.
5. dumbass drivers.
4. traffic.
3. driving INTO the sun.
2. feeling like a gas guzzling asshole who doesn't care about the environment enough to take one of the two bus routes that go RIGHT BY MY HOUSE into work.
1. driving next to (and battling road rage of) gas guzzling, s.u.v. driving, fishy and bush sticker sticking, non-blinker using, speed-up-so-i-can-get-in-front-of-you-ering, assholes.

i'm so dizzy... i'm so dizzy my head is spinning...

i loved that song as a kid. i'd stand in the living room and spin in circles till i fell on the ground... well... dizzy!

that's kind of how i feel right now actually. between a job thats at high stress-levels, a show that's opening in 2 weeks, not being completely off-book for said show, gas prices over 3 dollars a gallon, and a dumb-ass president and right-wing neo-cons hell-bent on solidifying my sub-human status on this planet -- *sigh* -- i'm... well... dizzy!

but, oh, is life good or what!?!?! i mean, i'm continually blessed by the heavens and am for some reason i'm not reacting too badly to the stress. i find times to relax and i find times to... well... not relax. the only thing really lacking is a sex life, but i guess you can't have everything = )

s.a. all the way

i'm even more so in love with my super america than i've ever been.

besides the fact that they have the CUTEST night manager guy (with the cutest butt) but last night when i went in to pay for my gas (and get my cigs) the guy behind the counter refused to start up a customer's gas pump because he could see (through his binoculars) that he hadn't turned off his engine.

now, i have no idea, but this may be standard protocol for gas station workers, but i just hadn't thought of it till it happened.

I LOVE YOU SUPER AMERICA NIGHT WORKER WHO WORKS WITH THE REALLY CUTE SUPER AMERICA NIGHT MANAGER FOR STOPPING SOME DUMBASS ON LAKE STREET FROM BLOWING ME AND MY MAZDA TO HEAVEN AND BACK!!!

tap -n- grill

LONG-ASS dance rehearsal last night that ended at the tap -n- grill in the maplewood/oakdale area.

four of use went in there and ordered the following:

• 13+ beers
  
• hot wings
  
• cheese nachos
  
• onion rings
  
• two orders of fried cheese curds
  
• a HUGE piece of chocolate cake... no really... it was about 8" tall

total??? $43.

now... usually i'm one to sing the curses of the cesspool i call suburbia... but i just can't find the notes for the song right now. i'm thoroughly impressed with this unique non-big-box suburban bar & grille. huh... $43... i almost crapped my pants when i saw that bill...

booga-booga

there, i said it.

i feel better now.

carmina burana

reminder to all my friends - carmina burana is this saturday at orchestra hall in minneapolis at 8pm. this is the only showing of this amazing piece.

150 voice choir
40 voice boys choir
full minnesota orchestra on extended stage

for those who are unfamiliar with this piece - carmina burana is a bunch of poems that were set to song by karl orff. a majority of the songs are a progression of fate in the lives of extremely horny youth. yes, you saw that right, they're really REALLY horny = )

the piece has some extremely familiar tunes including the opening and closing "oh fortuna" which is considered one of the loudest and most obnoxious pieces of choral/orchestral music ever. the other one is the "tempus est incundo" which will be extremely familiar to yergie! remember in sydney when we sang for that college choir and they sang their "oh... oh... ooooh, totus flore-o" song? the one we sang as a choir over and over and over on the bus??? yeah... carmina burana baby!

this is a kick-ass piece that is very seductive, sexy, obnoxious, and just plain ol amazing. if you're in the cities, you MUST check it out - i guarantee you'll be blown away!

estelle getty and harvey firestein

i just finished reading "torch song trilogy" and have to say that i was pretty impressed.

i also can't stop thinking about how the first part seems to be very much so like a relationship i had a long time ago... oddly enough it went in the same direction and just recently things from the second part started happening too. it kinda caused me to just stop and think for a second about life.

if you haven't read it i would suggest it strongly. it's a really good set of plays that document the relationship between a gay man and his ex-lover, a bi man. some parts were very close to home... others i pray to god i won't have to experience in my life.

1 rant and 1 randomization about mother nature

holy shit it's august.

in high school i heard that the older you get the faster life moves around you. the rationale was that when you're two days old a day makes up 1/2 your life and your perception of that "1/2" life seems pretty long. the older you get, each day becomes less and and less compared to the rest of what you've experienced in life, thus making days and months and years seem insignificantly short.

i couldn't agree more.

i camped this weekend. once again, becoming one with nature is quite possibly one of my favorite past-times (besides talking about dirty raunchy things). i used my new tent and sat around the campfire for hours doing nothing w/ my friend gary. as we were leaving yesterday afternoon we realized that we didn't drink an ounce of the vodka we brought along... well, we played with by spitting it on the fire to see how cool it'd look, but other than that, none got ingested.

and that's what it's all about... letting nature intoxicate you with her amazing ability to subdue all your senses and take you into her arms for a short respite from life as we know it.

we took a short walk to a pier that went into the saint croix river... we watched the stars for 45 minutes or so. we saw 5 shooting starts, 4 satellites, and only 2 aero-planes. what a fantastic feeling, when you've been staring at the stars for so long that when you finally see a plane, you have to double-take because it just looks weird.

ahhhh.

crazy-perfect-hair guy

he rides the #53 at 7:05am every morning and at 4:25pm every afternoon. he gets on at my stop in the morning but gets off 4 blocks before that same stop in the afternoon.

he's one of those riders that is constantly jittery - looking around anxiously, ready to do whatever he's waiting to do 5 minutes before life will allowed him to do it.

he's a professional man. mid 50's. dressed very nicely. he carries a kenneth cole bag. his hair is salt & pepper with a more generous amount of former. his hair always looks tediously (aka, o.c.d.-ish-ly) done. he's crazy-perfect-hair guy.

in the morning, he casually paces in different directions within an invisible 4ft-wide circle. about 2 times a minute he anxiously walks to the middle of the street to see if the bus is coming then hastily comes back to the curb to continue his pacing.

in the afternoon, he gets out of his seat at least 2 blocks or more before his stop which isn't unusual except that there is long stoplight between those two blocks and in the time we are stopped, he again casually paces between the back door of the bus and his seat.

once he even walked to the front of the bus to get off then changed his mind and walked to the back of the bus and used that door instead.

he doesn't look at all crazy or weird - you wouldn't look at him twice if you saw him walking down the street. cliche' time - "it's what's inside that counts" (i.e., he looks normal on the outside but inside he's CA-RAY-ZY!!!).

he doesn't really bother me, but he does make me fairly anxious when i pay attention to him.

people are funny sometimes.

HAY! (straw is cheaper, grass is free - marry a farmer and you get all three!)

ok, this is SO cool! i now know the difference between hay, straw, and grass!!!

• hay
  

  what it is: hay is a combination of alfalfa and grass that is raked into rows on a field and left to dry in the summer sun. once mostly dried, hay is baled.
  

  how it is used: hay is used as feed for animals - it's healthy and hearty!
  

  rough market price: $2.00 a bale

  
  
• straw
  

  what is is: straw is the remains of combined (harvested) oats, wheat, barley, etc. it is mostly stalks and such.
  

  how it is used: straw is not healthy. it is used primarily as bedding for animals and christmas pagents.
  

  rough market price: $.50 a bale

  
  
• grass
  

  what it is: grass grows naturally in fields and some yards. in suburbia it is planted in yards, baseball diamonds, and in over-priced pots at floral shops.
  

  how it is used: grass can be eaten, layed in, rolled on, played on, watered, sexed on, eaten on, cut, and harvested for multch (if you love and care for the earth that you're so fortunate to be living on).
  

  rough market price: free

  
  

so there you go! the difference between hay, straw, and grass. now go impress someone who doesn't read this blog.

the circle of life

yesterday i found out that an ex's uncle died at age 57. normally, this news wouldn't mean too much to me, as a matter of fact, i probably wouldn't care at all. this one was different though.

his uncle was gay. he had a partner. he was the first person most of his family ever knew of to be gay. he was also a figure that my ex looked up to very much. as a gay man, as a gay man in a relationship, as a gay man in a family that had accepted him and his partner.

i haven't really talked to this ex for almost 3 years now, since we broke-up. i still feel bad for the reason he stopped talking to me, but a person can only apologize so many times.

i sent him a card today telling him how sad i was to hear the news, and to wish him well.

as i sealed the card i had an overwhelming wave of sadness come over me.

i hope i hear from him again some day - i'd really like to patch things up between him and i.

ahhh

WOW!

last night i meditated and did a realignment ritual... what a difference! this morning i can't explain how much better i feel, so much more whole and put-together!

i woke up early and have been quite on the ball so far, i mean, it's only 8:59 and i've already worked on and completed two projects here at work!

oh, and as a side note, the soundtrack to the charlie & the chocolate factory kicks some major ass. i mean it. go see the movie, it's hillarious and so visually/audibly stimulating. the cool thing was that it didn't seem to want to compete with the gene wilder version of the movie... the movies are the same but oh so different... major props to tim burton on this one!

facts about my day so far...

• i woke up at 6:45 this morning
  
• i forgot my xcel energy bill at home so i can't set it up on auto bill pay now
  
• i'm tired, although i wasn't really up late
  
• i shaved this morning
  
• i just finished chewing a jawbreaker
  
• i'm pretty sure i have a.d.d.
  
• there was a really hot guy in the cafeteria today at lunch, the girls and i especially like his arms and his butt
  
• i haven't had any caffeine yet today
  
• i don't want to go to rehearsal tonight, i just want to sit at home and drink and smoke and watch porn
  
• well, not really drink, smoke, and watch porn... just the... well... yeah, i guess i meant all three
  
• my energy is NOT aligned very well today, as a matter of fact, i feel horribly unaligned right now... i should meditate or something when i get home to get my mind in the right place again
  
• i just got windows xp service pak 2!!! i'm really excited about this... and the sad part of it all is that i'm actually, factually excited, not just shitting for blog purposes
  
• i'm going to get coffee, screw this = )
  

html

i'm in an html/javascripting class right now and i'm learn-ding a ton of really cool new shit. don't be surprised if i all of a sudden start going crazy on my blog... whoo hoo!!!

the original summer adventure

"GARAGE SALES!!!" said my extremely excited friend on saturday morning. "GARAGE SALES EVERYWHERE!!! i didn't go to any so that we could go together." how thoughtful of him.

thus began our 5 hour garage sale romp.

most people wander across a garage sale sign and then hesitantly stop. others who are crazy plan out their day by reading the paper and plotting out a route, we were the craziest of all garage salers... we just drove till we found one. sure, it doesn't sound crazy, but try driving up and down streets for 1/2 hour looking for something that may or may not exist anywhere nearby. but the greatest thing about THIS version of the garage saling day is that you happen across neighborhoods that you've never seen before... how FUN!

my garage sales finds on 7/16/05:

camping stove
brand new, untouched, unassembled, in original box
$10 WHAT A DEAL!!!

misc pottery
the cutest bud vase a very nice blue vase and a hand made cup. the blue vase came w/ a story of how the owner watched the potter make it in waikiki
$12

misc books and a ceramic cross
random classics and books i've been wanting to read and a very cute ceramic cross that looks quite fresh above my bedroom door (more on that later though)
$3.50

cup and saucer set (8 pc)
oh my GOD! the CUTEST seafoam green milk-glass cup and saucer set for 8. the PERFECT antique ending to a meal AND they'll look FABU with my pure white place settings!!!
$15 A TOTAL STEAL!

total spent: $40.50

so there you have it, kids. my garage saling days for this last weekend. i'll be sure to let you know of future adventures = )

ringtones

most people think of specially-downloaded ringtones on cellphones as one of those becoming-more-frequent trendy and expensive annoyances in everyday life. you know, teenagers spending mom and dad's well-earned cash on unnecessary clips of britany or another slutty singer just to be cool.

i for one, though, think of them as totally different. yes, i've bought 3 (count them, 3) ringtones in the 6+ years i've had a cellphone. rather than being trendy, i choose to put these ringtones on my phone because every time i hear them i go on a walk down memory lane... every time i get a call i feel all warm inside because of the tones i've picked-out.

ringtone #1 - the theme from fraggle rock - yes! fraggle rock! one of my FAVORITE shows as a kid... just the sound of the theme song makes me smile and sing.

ringtone #2 - blue (eiffel 65). remember that semi-annoying disco song from the millennium-change-up days? THOSE were my out days, my days at the disco, the days with my friends at the club, to me this song is me at the max with my hands thrown to the heavens, drunker than my boyfriend the alcoholic, wishing these moments to never end.

ringtone #3 - the theme from neverending story. this one i just bought last night. one of the movies that my sisters, and whole family actually, watched over and over and over. we LOVED to sing the theme song and put other words to it, for instance: "never-ending stinky feet, ahhhhhhhhhh... never-ending stinky feet, ahhhhhhhh"

you see, the warmth i get every time a friend calls is so cool.

at $1.99/tone... 3 tones... $5.97 is worth it to me.

warm fuzzies

isn't it amazing how life flies by you - i mean, it's march one second and then it's june. it's like, what the hell!?!?! where did april and may go? i want my 2nd quarter back dammit!

*grin*

so this last weekend (memorial day) was one of the funnest weekends i've had in years. my [first] ex and his softball team came down from seattle for the big northstar classic softball tournament (gay leagues).

WHAT A BLAST!!!

not only did i excessively drink on friday, saturday, sunday, and monday - but i got to watch amazing softball matches and see some really killer bodies.

randy's team (aka, the ex's team) won first place in their [b] division!!! and the other seattle team won first in their [d] division!!! S-E-A-T-T-L-E, SEATTLE!!! SEATTLE!!!

in addition to all of this i also got to spend some quality time w/ randy. we have a special story actually, we're each other's first boyfriends, and consequently each other's firt ex too = ) after breaking-up, geeze, almost 6 years ago now, we lived together for 1.5 years still - to this day, he's still one of my closest friends, and the only ex that i'm still really good friends with.

and there's always a tiny part of your heart that belongs to them. even though there's not a frickin' OUNCE of desire to be back together with them, you still look at them and grin remembering about all you've been through together.

it's a true blessing that randy and i have such a strong friendship after all these years - we've been there for each other in some really tough times (like break-ups and moving) and some really good times (like babies, engagements, and dancing to the bee gee's just the other day at the memorial day bbq).

weekends like this are few and far between - but when they come, i'm glad i'm able to sit back and truly appreciate them.

hi

i really don't have anything to say.

the cheap and tawdry sideshow starts-up tomorrow.

verdi's requiem is in a few weeks.

i'm teaching today.

i have my church directory picture tomorrow.

i'm ready for a vacation that is destined to not happen.

i need a haircut.

more to come, i promise... man, this blog is lame-o lately = )

songs for the spirit

in december of this past year, my heart was deeply touched by a jason and demarco concert at all gods children mcc here in minneapolis.

i remember listening to their "songs for the spirit" cd almost the entire way back to omaha for christmas. i also remember driving through rural nebraska, merely 10 miles from the christian university that hurt me so much, singing songs i never thought i'd sing again and that made me sob because of an amazing feeling of finally reaching the place where i could sing songs of praise to god without feeling the slightest bit of guilt or pain or condemnation.

in those moments, i was not only one with the spirit but all was truly well with my soul.

i listened to this cd again today at work and was amazed at how the music touched me so powerfully again. i found myself crying tears of joy and thanking god for never leaving me through the years of trial that i've been through. i also found myself praising him in my own way for proving to me that no matter what happens in this world around me and no matter how blind some people may be, the truth powerfully lies in this foundational truth: sometimes god chooses to display himself to us simply through his actions rather than through his words.

no, i'm not dead

i'm just a little stressed-out.

the last 10 days or so have included going into work early, staying late, dreaming about it at night, and, now, working on saturdays.

i know it sounds very unlike me to even spend a few seconds every day to use company resources to put my random ramblings out on the web, but if my lack of posting is any proof, i'm actually, factually busy - not just pulling it out of my ass.

proof - i had two totally fucked-up dreams this last week... note, i NEVER dream, and when i do, i never remember them aftwards... this is true proof that i'm stressed.

dream #1 - i was a mafia hit man "for hire." which basically meant i wasn't part of the mafia, they just hired me to kill people for them... my code name was "BIG FISH"... yes, with the caps and all.

dream #2 - i had sex with a female co-worker. i know... ew. no more description is necessary, point taken.

i promise i'll write, or try to write, more this next week. as a matter of fact, i teach on tuesday and wednesday which almost guarantees that i'll have a tad bit of time during class activities to "play" online = )

have a super weekend everyone!

am i a bad homo?

today is outfront minnesota's glbt lobby day and 'gathering' at the capital to protest the impending marriage ammendment.

i work 5 block from the capital and i'm not going.

i'm emotionally exhausted. i'm 'marriage ammendment depressed'. i'm tired of protesting the inevitable. and i'm sick-to-my-stomach and have zero-tolerance for absolutly anyone who remotely acts like they are not sure how they feel about gay marriage when their 'unsure' feelings aren't based in religion.

i guess i'm just at the point where i don't want to think about it anymore. it seriously makes me want to cry... you know, when a co-worker who has a gay brother-in-law with a long-time partner says that he's not sure what he thinks about gay marriage. or when someone calls me a friend and then says that the oppose it.

i just don't understand it...

the game of life

every once in a while when i'm bored (usually when i'm sitting on the toilet and i don't have anything to read) i play a little game... i pull all the change out of my pocket and look at the years on the coins, then i try to remember what i was doing at this time during that year. here are the results of today's game:

1996 dime
april 1996 - rexford, kansas - 17 years old
it's april... one month till graduation and then i'll be free! i'll be going to college at grace university in omaha, nebraska... i'm so excited!!! i'm probably going to major in pastoral ministries or music, i haven't decided yet. i'm 3rd in my graduating class... i just found this out. turns out the top three in my class were all about 1/100th of a point apart, i was really hoping that i could be validictorian or salutitorian, but oh well, soon i'll be out of here and living in the big city living with other christians who desire to be in ministry as much as i do.

1998 quarter
april 1998 - omaha, nebraska - 19 years old
it's april... one month and my college choir will be heading out for a month-long tour down the eastern coast of australia!!! it'll be my second trip to austraila and i'm totally stoked because i'll be able to go to sydney which i didn't do the first trip there. it's my sophomore year in college and a busy one. this year i became a part of the "elite" musical group, the ambassadors. there's five of us that tour around the midwest and sing at churches to advertize our school, it's a ton of fun, excellent experience, and all around a blessing to my spiritual life.

2001 dime
april 2001 - woodbury, minnesota - 22 years old
it's april... six months ago i moved up here to the twin cities to start a new job and to move in with my wonderful boyfriend, brian. just a month ago we bought a townhome in woodbury, a suburb of the twin cities. i also just bought a piano, a beautiful ebony upright yamaha... amazing sound, i love her so much. i'm doing the bulk of the moving-in this weekend because brian's on a ski trip w/ some college buddies, next weekend we'll move all the big stuff in a truck. we recently found an amazing church, mount olive lutheran in south minneapolis. we've been going there since december, i'm sure we'll be going there for a while too, we really like it there, it's strengthened both of our spiritual lives in amazing ways.

current time, no coin, just the vantage point from which i view my life
april 2005 - saint paul, minnesota - 26 years old
it's april... for the first time in many aprils there's not much going on in my life. i'm single, i'm still teaching, and i'm looking to buy a house this fall/winter. my spiritual life has flourshed as i've become more and more involved with my church, not only do i attend and read occasionally, but i'm now also an adult acolyte and an assistant minister. my life has changed SO much since april 1996, but i can confidently say that i'm in the best april of my life so far... life moves fast around you and things change. i don't even remember what my graduation gpa was, i have been separated from brian for over 2 years now, and i'm selling the piano i just paid-off (mainly because mom and dad gave me the family piano and i have no need for two).

its fun to look back... play the game... you'll be amazed at how easy and difficult it can be to look back on your life - but almost 100% of the time it's rewarding.

happy monday!

pope dreams...

first of all, i couldn't fall asleep last night. i could have been the coffee i had at 8pm, or it could have simply been that i wasn't tired - either way, i couldn't sleep.

i was really excited about my new down comforter and the really cool red duvet i got this weekened too - my bed feels so different, so cozy, so warm.

then when i finally did start to doze i was thirsty, or hungry (i didn't eat dinner last night), or i had to go to the bathroom. i even got up at midnite and watched tv, i can't even remember what i watched.

i think i was sleeping later in the night when the strangest dream came to me... i was hangin' out with the cardinals in rome, you know, picking-out a new pope. i was starting to get really friendly with this one guy (not in a gay way, in a very buddy-buddy way, although he WAS very cute), and wouldn't you know it... he got chosen to be the next pope!

the facinating thing, though, was the demeanor behind the scenes in the vatican. the cardinals weren't all "oh, holy art thou, we much choose a holy father from our ranks, lets be all solemn and holy-ish..."

no!

instead, they were all, "hey! how are doin?" "man, i haven't seen you like, forever!"

and when my new friend became the new pope, everyone was cheering and like going crazy like in the lockerroom of the super bowl winners... and this was just the cardinals!

it was really cool though, i was, like SO excited that i was there and a part of this new pope thing... my new friend (who happened to be the new pope also) turned around and even gave me a special blessing for being his friend... i knelt before him and bowed my head, and we all laughed and giggled because we were so excite that this guy was the new pope!

i just remember thinking that i was SO cool, i mean, the pope was a friend of mine!

i know... what a strange dream! and i'm not even catholic!!!

the gateway to change

a flash lights the bluish-grey mist-filled sky as another speedily follows it, causing the people in the room to stop their banter and simultaneously turn toward the window.

everyone knows each other's thoughts, but none speak until the understood alotted time.

an enormous cluster-fuck of sound fills the sky as many of the people in the room hear the season's first clap of resounding midwestern thunder pierce and rumble everything in sight.

"huh, that one was close," one of them says.

thus the cycle continues while accomodating evolution itself.

gone are the days of "looks like the drive home'll be slow," and "ya, i heard duluth's gettin', ya know, like 21 inches... geeze."

ushered-in are the days of "yeah, dat thunder woke up the dogs last night... had to take them out to go... ya know," and "wow, shure looks nice out there, wish i was bladin' around the lakes."

green replaces white.

sunblock replaces scarves and gloves.

the trails replace the gym.

and beers on the porch replace wine in front of the fireplace.

life as we know it, once again, moves outdoors, where we become one family enjoying the beauty of earth's majesty.

then the fucking mosquitos come out and make us all wish it was winter again.

*sigh*

the circle of life continues...

son of a...

BITCH!

this stupid blogger sight hasn't let me post to my stupid blog for 2 days now... those stupid stupid-holes.

let's see if this one goes through...

you heard it from me

yeah, my latest prediction/conspiracy theory:

on good friday (today) both the pope and terri schiavo are going to die. well, if not today, this weekend.

how dramatic would that be!?!?!

i mean, you could say, "i remember where i was when the world lost an ailing pope who hated gays and when the united states lost their heart-breaking battle to stick their noses in the business of dying citizens."

it would be like when reagan died and a large chunk of the country was like "oh my god... how will life EVER go on... quick, we need to name something after him." and the world was like "huh, another dead leader... lucky fucking americans, their leaders die of natural causes or old age... we have one die every fort-night because of radical political ass-holes, poor, poor bitches those americans."

*sigh*

god bless the united states of we-have-no-idea-how-nice-we-have-it-and-still-we-have-to-complain-until-every-person-believes-the-same-way-as-we-radicals-do-and-all-faggots-are-condmned-to-a-life-of-second-class-citizenry.

and contrary to the way this posting looks, i'm actually in a fanTASTIC mood today!!! it's GORgeous outside and its friday, how could it get any better than this???

don't answer that please = )

HAPPY SUPER-JESUS WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!

four non-blogs

[i assume] unlike most of my blogger friends, i don't have a huge list of blogs that i read on a daily basis nor display on my personal blog - i get off quite fine with the 10 or so that wander into and out of my life.

but lately i've noticed that there are about four blogs that just don't get updated often (or at all) and it makes me sad.

these four non-blogs get me all excited every morning (for that's when i read all my blogs) and then slowly let me down when i see distinguishable characteristics of postings i've previously read, i say a cuss under my breath and then move on to the next blog that's listed in my favorites... its sad.

"what SHALL i do?" i ask myself, and then i realize that i'm at work and the answer is obvious. shite... time to actually put company resources to work for them.

*shrug*

consider the source.

ugh

this

day

is

mo-

ving

so

slow-

ly

it

feels

like

its

ne-

ver

go-

ing

to

end.

*sigh*

blog changes!

hey followers of nakachunkoff = )

i'm making a change to my blog today... from now on, only registerred users of "blogger.com" can post comments to my blog.

clarification: you don't have to have a blog w/ blogger, just be registerred with them. it's quick and it's easy.

i don't care if the comment is positive or negative, building me up or tearing me down... i just think it's a courteous adult principle to tell people their opinions directly to someone rather than thru and "anonymous face".

thanx! and happy spring!

tom's chicago ramblings (from chicago)

things i've done so far in chicago:

spertus museum of judacia

navy pier

chicago institute of arts

habatat gallery

a whole slew of other galleries that were around habatat (10 to be exact)

chicago museum of contemporary arts (permanent collection was in, the entire museum was the "universal experience"

smith museum of stained glass windows

shopped the magnificient mile (michigan avenue), bought a FABU new zipper hoodie at h&m

had martinis at gentry while listening to the beautiful piano

yes, and i went to steamworks (as a matter of fact, i'm there now, so ***pbthhhh***)

eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat

smoke

watch cartoon network and the food network (GOD how i miss them)

things i can't WAIT for when i get home

see my cats

sleep in my bed

my pillow... my pillow

believe it or not, i'm excited to get back to work... yeah, i must be coming down with something

my own shampoo, my own shower, my own water, my own food... me me me

see my friends

HOLY WEEK!!!

check my email = ) oh, wait, i'm online now... i can check it now!!!

well folks, that about sums it up! i'm less than 24 hours from being home and i can already say that this was beyond a sucessful vacation... SO relaxing and nice to be alone to do what i want when i want for however long i want and with the person i want to to it with the most, myself. maybe being single isn't that bad afterall (for a tad bit o' time at least).

see ya'll soon!!!

*smooch*

random ramblings

closing weekend is a strange juxtoposition of thoughts and feelings. any sadness gets wiped away when you strike the set.

the longer you do shows the less you're sad to see shows end, that is, unless it pays = )

sushi kicks ass, but it really sucks that we live live in the middle of the country.

jen isn't bitter, she's just horny... really horny.

random gorgeous days in the middle of winter are so cool.

joke: where can it be 56 one day and blizzard-ish the next? oh wait... that's not a joke, that's normalicy in minnesota.

drunk karoke... need i say more?

be wary of co-workers who love it when you rave about how hot their husbands are.

stay away from pot holes, they'll fuck up your car in .3 seconds flat.

the week before vacation is kinda rough... so much anticipation.

meeting strangers and having a drunkenly-awesome time is SOOO cool!!!

hope everyone had a super weekend!

isn't it...

well, the chicago trip has finally been finalized. thank GOD, i'm sick and tired to hell of thinking about it obsessively.

march 13 - 16 i'll be in the windy city letting my hair down, shopping with a sudden influx of money, sleeping with whatever i want to, smoking whatever i want, and drinking martinis from strangers.

and check out my digs while i'm there... fuckin' awesome!!!

humbling moment

i just read an incredible posting at joe. my. god. (katie, if you think i write well, read a little by joe... my postings look like shit compared to his).

but anyway - when i finished reading this amazing blog (which most of his are) i had just the most sad and depressing feeling (perhaps it was the fact that i was also listening to the new air supply cd at the time). i mean, it just seemed to reemphasize that every single fucking person on this planet has his/her own battles that they are fighting. i'm sorry - even the most confident and put-together person has something deep down inside that just eats at them, some are just better at hiding it than others.

it also challenged me to rethink my reactions towards others. we're in this together, we're all floating on the same planet in the same universe, we're all hurting, and we all need to live together. just like when i got my second cat... they didn't like each other very much, but there was absolutly nothing they could do unless i made an executive decision to get rid of one of them (like hell...). we're in the same boat, we're all on this ball together unless the heavens choose to separate us, and i don't think that'll be happening any time soon.

man, its at moments like this that i am reminded of my absolute devotion to air supply.